Author: Chaim Neuhoff Ph.D.

How would you handle your child coming home from school claiming sadly, "I have no friends"? What would you do if your child seems to be staying home every Shabbos, never engaging in play dates with classmates or neighbors?

These situations are painful for parents. Dealing with a rejection of one's child or watching him spend all his time alone in his room can break a parent's heart, evoking much worry, frustration, and helplessness. However, it need not be so. Children have difficulty getting along with others because of various challenges. Yet, with your assistance, they can begin the process of becoming socially successful-creating friendships that are a source of well-being, pride, and identity. Here are some guidelines as to you as a parent can facilitate this.
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The Anxious child Rivky Cohen, a 9 year old, attending the local Bais Yaakov school, is a lovely girl and a conscientious student, but for the last month, she has been difficult when it came to going to school. Every school day morning, she wakes up complaining of a stomach ache, which are noticeably absent on weekend. Her mother has been driving her to school almost daily, but Rivky seems to be arriving later and later. When questioned by her …
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By now, we are all too familiar with the concept of Internet abuse, and how destructive it can be, but before we pity those who have been caught in the Internet's web (pun intended) and think we are better than that, let us take a look and examine ourselves. Who has gone to a wedding and spent time there checking e-mails or texts, rather than talking with the person beside him at the seuda or relaxing and sharing in the pleasure of the simcha? W …
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About a year ago I received two invitations in the mail, two Bar mitzvahs within two weeks of each other. Both boys were from one-parent homes. From one of the invitations, I was able to gather that it was going to be a joint party, meaning both mother and father were making one party together.The other invitation only had the name of one parent on it. When I saw it my heart broke, and I cried. As a divorced single mom, I was sad for this soon t …
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Three psychological methods which can help to ensure a students success in learning are shaping of behavior, bolstering self-efficacy, and improving teachers' expectations. This is how these fundamental tools can be used to increase children's success in the classroom. Concept 1: Shaping of Behavior is an important component of positive reinforcement/behavior modification in the classroom. Positive reinforcement can be a very successful techniq …
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Sara glances at the clock. It is 3:00 A.M. The baby is stirring in her crib. Sara groans knowing what's next. Before long the baby is crying loudly. Exhausted, she nudges her sleeping husband, "Can you get her please?" "I have a big day tomorrow," he mumbles. "And I don't need to be alert tomorrow?" Sara pleads. "You get her this time and I'll do the next," he says. "That's not going to help. I am so tired," she replies. Anger awakens the couple …
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Five year old Toby sat with her siblings at the top of the stairs. They were all waiting for Uncle Aaron, who was coming from Monsey. Suddenly she jumped up and ran into the bathroom locking the door. She grabbed the lipstick from the counter and started making little red circles on her face. "I have chicken pox, I have chicken pox", she yelled. Her mother anxiously felt her forehead, but laughed as some of the lipstick smeared onto her sleeve. …
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David looked down at his hastily scrawled "to do" list. First he needed to buy 613 tickets for the Mega Millions. He knew that he would win, because he was using the number Hashem had used specifically as a guide for him to follow. Next, he had to buy 18 hamsters and gerbils, 36 cats and birds, and 72 pedigree dogs to open a specialized pet store for the Jewish community. He already had his eye on a storefront in the center of Avenue J in Brookl …
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By Liz Wallenstein, LMHC Loving an addict isn't easy. Addicts tend to be self-absorbed, avoiding and manipulative. It is difficult for family members of addicts not to take the actions and attitudes of their addicted loved one personally. That the addict won't just stop his or her behaviors out of their love for their family, pains the family. Family members live in constant fear of what will happen to the addict. They live in perpetual frustrat …
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I confess.

I have Munchausen by proxy

I want to cause pain and suffering, on purpose, to my 10 mo. old
granddaughter. We go to the hospital. People wonder.

Nobody knows for sure.

I fly under the radar.

I look and act normal. I am the grandpa.

But I keep thinking "I want to mix my BP meds into her food."

She will get sick. They will call the a …
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Hair styles for boys changed radically in 1964. That was the year the Beatles appeared on The Ed Sullivan Show. Instantly, every kid in America wanted to drop the ubiquitous "crewcut" and grow long hair. At that time I was 11 years old and living in a small town in northern Wisconsin - and I had a terrible secret. One fateful day, while we were playing dodge ball in gym class, my terrible secret, was exposed. My teacher had spotted a massive bal …
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Pesach cleaning this year I came across a paper I had written for an English assignment when I was fifteen. I recalled my English teacher giving us an assignment to write about an incident that changed your life. What I wrote about still effects me, today. "Your sister married out" I reeled back in shock with the innocence of a nine year old I whispered "you're making it all up!" "No I am not" she hotly replied "My mom told me it is true and I a …
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Tzachi Fried, MA "You must have had the perfect life …" It was likely something most of my clients had thought, but he was the only one actually expressing it. He was a 19 year-old Hispanic male, more boy than man, whose childhood was marked by severe neglect and abuse. His early adolescence was spent engaged in a wide range of criminal behavior and his late adolescence was spent being shuffled around the juvenile justice system. I was an …
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By: Rachel Rubenstein, LCSW   Growing up in the frum community, with the halachos of tznius of both dress and the mindfulness of behavior so firmly entrenched in our every day lives, I believe we are allowed a respect and an awareness of ourselves as individuals who need to create safe spaces and boundaries that the secular world is sorely lacking. It is actually always interesting to me, being out in the world, and being given the opportu …
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The purpose of this article is to recommend strategies for social workers to deal with attachment problems in adoptive families (adoptive parents and adopted children). Forming a strong bond is one of the most important challenges for an adoptive parent and an adoptive child. Two to four percent of families in America include an adopted child (van den Dries et al., 2009).

When adoptive parents adopt a child, the process of attachment usually takes place naturally, however, there are sometimes impediments to forming secure attachments. Insecure attachment in its different forms can affect the adopted child's relationships in the future, as well as self-concept and self-esteem.
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Question: I would appreciate your thoughts regarding how one should reprimand their child. I find myself constantly struggling to communicate with my child when I do not approve of his behavior? Dear Reader, This is a very important question. Many parents share your concern and struggles. Many times we find ourselves blaming, shaming, accusing, ridiculing, threatening, bribing, labeling, punishing, preaching, and demoralizing our children. The i …
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By: Rabbi Jay Yaacov Schwartz, LMSW I participated in an extraordinary gathering of hundreds of Orthodox mental health practitioners, physicians, rabbis, educators, and kiruv professionals. Attendees ranged from Modern Orthodox to Yiddish-as-a-first-language Chasidim. As a well known psychologist remarked prior to this historic conference, "Everyone I know in the field is going."

This diverse group gathered for a singular purpose-t …
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By Fred Penzel, Ph.D.

I have been actively involved in the treatment of OCD since 1982, and have treated over 650 cases of the disorder. There is a certain body of information that can make anyone's attempts at recovery more effective. You may not like some of the things on this list, as they may not be what you wish to hear. You don't have to like them. However, if you wish to change, you will need to accept them. The concepts of …
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Author: Laura Freiman, LCSW

J-date, Frumster, Saw You at Sinai, singles retreats, good old fashioned shadchans, etc. There are a variety of services dedicated to helping singles meet their basherts. Yet, what services exist to help the newly engaged or married couple? Once we find our mate, it is assumed that we should instinctively know how to cohabitate, communicate, and negotiate with the opposite sex. As if this is in any way intuitive! Marriage is hard work and nobody quite prepares us for it. Finding one's mate is just the tip of the iceberg.
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Author: Allan J. Katz

What does it mean to be addicted to work?

Workaholism is merely a reaction to a need to be right, to be in control. According to Judith Sills, Ph.D. in Excess Baggage, "You are an organized person who treasures productivity. If you had a psychiatric label it would be obsessive & compulsive, and you brag about being a workaholic."
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Author: Dr. Shoshi Lewin

I have a client in her 40s, living alone, who was told by her MD that her liver will probably fail. She has hepatitis C. She is not a candidate for a transplant at this time. She has other multiple health conditions and is bipolar. She advocates well for herself. Her MD told her to be as happy as possible. I am trying to contact the MD to get specific info. I will see her for maybe 1-2 more visits as a social worker for home care. She has a psychologist and psychiatrist. I arranged for therapeutic dog visits.

How can I support her? Which questions do I ask? How do I help her cope? She's upset and I am tongue tied. I endorsed her strengths and am helping her with some concrete needs.
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Author: Chava Levy, LCSW

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) was formulated in the early 1980s by Sue Johnson as a response to the lack of clearly delineated and validated couple interventions, particularly more humanistic and less behavioral interventions. It was called Emotionally focused Therapy to draw attention to the crucial significance of emotion and emotional communication in the organization of patterns of interaction and key defining experiences in close relationships. It also focused on emotion as a powerful and necessary catalyst of change, rather than as simply part of the problem of marital distress. This focus on the need to address emotion and its power to create change in marital therapy was new. Emotion had often been viewed as a secondary complication and a dangerously disruptive force in therapy rather than an essential part of relationship repair.
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We are pleased to inform you that BINA is sponsoring a two-day intensive training seminar for mental health and rehabilitation professionals, Brain Injury Family Intervention (BIFI): An Evidence Based Approach - Practical Approaches to Effective Intervention after Brain Injury. The seminar provides a valuable opportunity to learn from leading professionals in the field. Presenters will be Drs. Jeffrey Kreutzer and Emilie Godwin of the Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU) Medical Center, leading experts on traumatic brain injury, family adjustment, and family therapy. Dr. Kreutzer is the creator of the BIFI. Please see the attached brochure for program details.
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Author: Dr. Gottlieb, Psy.D.

לכל זמן ועת לכ לחף תחת השמים.

עת ללדת ועת למות, עת לטעת ועת לעקור נטוע

Everything has an appointed season, and there is a time for every matter under the heaven.

A time to give birth and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot that which is planted.
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Author: Bracha Goetz

I wrote this book to help keep our little ones safe. In the merit of reading this book to young children, may all of our precious ones be blessed to remain pure and in good health, with shining neshamas.
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Author: Shoshana Lewin, Psy.D.

In Pirkei Avos, Rabbi Eliezer instructs, "…be not quick to anger" (Avos 2:10). Chazal instruct us that someone who is angry is like an idol worshipper since he is not in control of his rage and is acting in a self-serving way. He relinquishes his opportunity for free choice to the emotion of anger and follows its dictates.
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Author: Tova Katz LMFT

These days home organization is an extremely popular fad. If you Google the term "declutter" you will get 3,230,000 hits in just .06 seconds. Everyone is trying to pick up the latest tips on how to relinquish what they don't need, reorganize what they do have, and reprioritize how things should be. "Clutter" is the key word and it is essentially the enemy. It consists of the 'stuff' we pick up along the pathway of life; day in and day out. It can be an overwhelming and seemingly endless job to declutter our homes- being that it is a by-product of the past, present and future…
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Author: Rachael Rothstein and Devora Shabtai

In the shuffle of communal celebrations and activities, the Jewish community radiates joy and stability. For some however, on the back burner lies a more complex web of emotional turmoil. Many individuals within the Jewish community struggle with a range of psychological conflicts that go clinically untreated and/or unnoticed due to fear of stigma and public embarrassment.

Individuals struggling may see themselves as victims without the means to achieve appropriate treatment. Well-meaning religious mentors may use a combination of intuition and insight in the course of their counsel without considering established, evidence-based approaches. On the other hand, psychologists may leave their religious patients feeling a sense of fragmentation between their religious beliefs and the therapeutic process.
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Author: Leah Rokeach LCSW

These days, people are talking about recovery from mental illness. This is a great step forward. What does recovery mean? There are many perceptions and definitions of recovery. When we look at the recovery literature, we see that it has been variously used to mean an approach, a model, a philosophy, a paradigm, a movement, a vision and skeptically, a myth. This understandably creates ambiguity and confusion. William Anthony M.D. Director of the Boston Center for Psychiatric Rehabilitation, states that in the last several decades, several sources of data have converged to demonstrate that people with severe mental illness are achieving higher roles of functioning, subjective well- being, and adjustment than had previously been considered, and that severe mental illnesses are not universally deteriorative.
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Current research shows that anxiety affects one in eight children and most of those children are not receiving treatment. Children suffering from anxiety are at high risk of performing poorly in school, missing out on important social experiences, and falling prey to substance abuse. These children must be identified and helped to navigate the pitfalls that come with avoidance and other poor coping skills. All children, and for that matter most …
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By Ruth Hirsch MSW, MPH Naomi was outwardly happy, active in her community and her children's schools, and working part-time in a satisfying job when she came to see me. "I'd really like to get in shape, but just don't seem to be able to stay on a diet, or get the exercise I know I need." Conventional wisdom would advise her to use willpower to "just stick to a diet." Unfortunately, as most of us know, willpower alone simply won't help us to acc …
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Let's Stay Safe, is published by Mesorah Publications, and it is the newest breakthrough from Project YES. It may well be the most important picture book that a parent will share with his or her young child. We all want to keep our children safe, secure, confident, and happy. With this book's delightful pictures and child-friendly rhyming text, Let's Stay Safe helps us give our children essential life lessons in safe and unsafe behavior: • …
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Choosing a good therapist might at first seem like a difficult or complicated task, but in actually, knowing some basic facts supported by a large body of research, will greatly help in making the right choice. The basic professional and legal requirements are that the therapist have at minimum a master's degree in social work, psychology, mental health counseling, or a PhD or PsyD in clinical psychology, or a MD in psychiatry. The therapist sho …
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Thomas Merton once asked, "What can we gain from traveling to the moon if we are not able to cross the abyss that separates us from ourselves?" I love this quote. To me, it so well illustrates a downside of modern culture.

We have computers that with a mere click can access all sorts of information; we are "connected" through email, phone, and more; and yet how connected are we with our innermost selves? How often do we stop and li …
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