Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

April 16th, 2018

Kids are not the ones who necessarily need to sit down with a therapist.  When parents gain the tools to manage stress and their own emotions in a healthy way, they’re better prepared to be there for their children.  Kids react to their environment.  When the adults are able to put children’s needs before their own, that’s when we see children behaving differently. They feel nurtured. (Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD. Cited …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

March 11th, 2018

What is the point of punishment?  What is it supposed to accomplish?  We’ll look at types of punishment used by parents with children, but first let’s look at punishment as it relates to criminals. The four most common theories of punishment of criminals are: retribution, deterrence, rehabilitation, and incapacitation.  (The Oxford Handbook of Criminal Law, Edited by Markus D. Dubber and Tatjana Hörnle, Part III, S …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

February 26th, 2018

We assume that there is a mitzvah to raise children to become bnei and bnos Torah, a mitzvah of chinuch habanim.  Is there such a mitzvah, and if so, what is the source for it? It appears from the Rambam in Sefer haMitzvos that the Torah only requires us to teach Torah to our students.  The Rambam points out that the Sifri on the term “v’shinantum l’vanecha”  (Devorim 6:5) says this refers to students.  …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

January 29th, 2018

Who rules your child?  Who decides what she is going to do and what she is not going to do? Do you as parents make these determinations?  Does her school make these decisions for her? Does it depend on her age?  Do you think you choose for her until she begins school and then school makes the choices for her?  And when she becomes a little older, her peers make the choices? None of the above.  No matter how old she is.&nb …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

January 21st, 2018

You have no reason to be disappointed. I hope you have never said that to your child. Even if you explained it. No one gets everything they want. You have plenty of other things. Things don’t always turn out the way we want them to. In the greater scheme of things, this isn’t a big deal. Any one of these statements may be true.  That doesn’t mean your child has no reason to be disappointed. Disappointment is an emotion, an …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

December 14th, 2016

How do you build a relationship as husband and wife?  You start by forming the habits of a good relationship.  You make time, every day, to listen to each others’ experiences, opinions, and reactions, focusing primarily on the positive. This process begins the morning after the chasunah.  You share your memories and impressions from the simcha, e.g. your nieces are so adorable, it was so wonderful that your Alter Zaidy was ab …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

September 26th, 2016

There are so many things you want your child to learn.  So many possible places to begin to help him grow.  There are numerous skills, ideas, ideals, and virtues you want to teach him.  Where do you start? Here’s a suggestion from Gems From The Nesivos Sholom on Pirkei Avos (page 369): “In a fairly well-known dissertation, Rav Chaim Vital (Shaarei Kedusha 1:2) makes the following observation.  The importance of mid …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

July 24th, 2016

Siblings are acutely aware of one another’s achievements.  They tend to be more vocal when the sibling’s “achievement” was doing something they weren’t supposed to do. “Did you see what Eli did?  Why didn’t you say anything?  He’s not supposed to do that!” It may be more important to pay attention when your child is affected by a sibling’s positive achievement.  Watch …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

July 6th, 2016

It is very gratifying to me to see more and more FJJ columnists addressing parenting concerns.  The various techniques and reassurance offered by these sagacious writers reflect the unfortunate fact that parenting continues to be an extremely difficult endeavor.  Perhaps the expression l’fum tza’ara agrah, usually translated as, “according to the effort shall be the reward,” could also be understood to mean &rdqu …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

May 12th, 2016

Do you want your children to do better than you?  In one area, I truly hope not.  When it comes to basic rules of civility and courtesy, you need to model a higher standard for your children to aspire to.  Rather than expecting them to do better than you, hope that they will do as well as you.  If your standards are high enough, you will be pleased with your children’s performance as well. If you’re not pleased wit …
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