Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

January 14th, 2021

I am apprehensive about writing this article, addressing this topic.  My apprehension is based on the following sources. Avtalyon omeir: Chachamim, hizoharu b’divreichem, shemo tochuvu chovas galus, v’siglu limkom mayim harayim, v’yishtu hatalmidim haba'im achareichem v’yamusu, v’nimtza Sheim Shomayim mischaleil. Avtalyon would say: Chachamim, be careful with your words; lest you be guilty of exile, to a place o …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

January 11th, 2021

Zeh to-aim l’fi maasav vzeh to-aim l’fi maasav. Both eat from one bowl, but this one tastes according to his experiences and that one tastes according to his experiences.  (Avos d’Rabi Nasan, 37:9) You and your child share an external experience.  Did you just have the same experience internally?  Often, you did not. Sensory experience can be shared.  It comes from your environment and is received by your fiv …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

December 31st, 2020

Middos tovos are a prerequisite for Torah. One must first improve his middos and then the Torah can dwell upon him... One cannot learn Torah first and then acquire good middos because this is impossible. (Rabeinu Yonah on Avos 3:17)   Yes, Rabbi Ackerman, I understand that.  You have mentioned that the best way to teach children is by example.  The problem is that my children are not with me all day to see how I conduct myself in v …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

December 31st, 2020

S'iz nisht keyn chidush vas ihr geyt nisht hecher. Veyl s'iz nisht chashuv ba eykh keyn uvda. It's no surprise that you haven't grown.  Your accomplishments haven't been acknowledged.  (Birchas Asher, Stolin, as explained to me by a Stoliner Rav) Children thrive on success.  It is the responsibility of parents and educators to look for and point out those successes.  Without that acknowledgement, children do not grow. Mom: I r …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

December 21st, 2020

HaGaon Rabeinu Aharon Yehuda Leib Shteinman ZTZ”L was learning this gemara: Amar Rav Yehuda bar Sheila, amar Rabi Asi, amar Rabi Yochanan: There are six things a person enjoys the fruits of in this world, and the principal remains for him in Olam Haba. They are: hospitality toward guests; visiting the sick; concentrating during prayer; arriving in shul early; one who raises his sons to study Torah; and one who judges another favorably, l&rs …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

December 13th, 2020

Vaiyomer Hashem Elokim, lo tov heyos ha'adom levado. And Hashem Elokim said, It is not good for man to be alone.  (Braishis 2:18)   Oh chavrusa oh masusa.  Either a friend or death (Taanis 23a), because it is not good for man to be alone.  (Nachalas Avos on Avos 1:6)   How not good is it?  According to an article in Perspectives on Psychological Science, very not good. Loneliness is as bad for your health as smoking …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

November 29th, 2020

Shiva d’vorim b’golem v’shiva b’chocham. chocham eino m’dabeir bifnei mi she-hu godol mi-menu b’chochmoh 1uv’minyon, v'eino nichnos l’soch divrei chaveiro, v’eino nivhol l’hoshiv, sho'eil k'inyon u’meishiv k’halacha, v'omeir al rishon rishon v'al acharon acharon, v'al mah sh’lo shoma, omeir lo shomati, u’modeh al ha'emes. V’chilufeihen b’golem. Seven t …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

November 22nd, 2020

B’tzedek tishpot amisecho, judge others with tzedek. (Vayikra 19:15)  How do you judge someone with tzedek? Rabbeinu Yonah explains this as follows: Behold, when you hear someone who says a certain thing or performs a particular action wherein you can judge his words or actions in either a negative or positive manner, if the one who has performed this act is known to be a yirei Elokim, a righteous person, then you are obligated to judg …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

November 15th, 2020

Sorrow and remorse are two different things. Sorrow is me feeling bad that you’re unhappy with me. Remorse is me feeling bad that I hurt you. When my feeling is sorrow, my intention and my behavior are to alleviate my discomfort. When my feeling is remorse, my intention and my behavior are to alleviate your discomfort. Even though he gives him, he is not forgiven until he requests [forgiveness] from him, as the pasuk says, “Now return …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

November 9th, 2020

Shne'emar “tov erech apayim mi’gibor.” Hochi havei peirusho dikro: Tov erech apayim haba mitzad hagevurah shel kibush hayeitzer, lo mitzad rachus hateva. (Rav on Avos 4:1) If I may paraphrase: There is more value in harnessing emotion than in being emotionless. What is the value of emotion?  Aren’t we all about Chochmah, Binah, and Daas, types of cognition?  No, not only.  We learn about ourselves and the pe …
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