Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 12th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I have a pretty basic question about therapy, and I am hoping you can answer it for me. I went through something difficult recently and a few people have told me I should go to therapy so that I could “process” it. I have heard that word from a couple of people and no one has really been able to tell me what exactly that means. What does it mean to “process” something? To talk about it? I have been talking …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 12th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I am a teacher who has stepped in to offer support to a former student of mine who has recently lost her father. She is currently of shidduchim age and the family is anxious for her to begin dating. They feel that she should "move forward" and have been exerting significant pressure on her to begin. I was wondering if you can give me some guidelines as to when that would be considered healthy. I imagine it isn't just a t …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 12th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I live in a neighborhood/community where there is a big emphasis on money. It is a young neighborhood where people are just starting work, and some are making serious money and throwing it around. So there has recently become this pressure to “keep up with the Joneses.” I have a salaried job and al pi derech hateva I am not going to become a millionaire any time soon. This was always ok with me, and I didn&rs …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 12th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I am not much of a letter writing type of guy, but I will give it a shot. I have been hearing from my wife, and now from my son’s rebbe that I need to work more on developing a better relationship with my teenage son. It isn’t that we have a relationship, it’s that we just don’t seem to connect. I know I am not the most expressive person in the world and though that doesn’t seem to be a prob …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

August 24th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I have a question that has been weighing on my mind for a while. I have a relative that is unfortunately unwell. I am not a professional but from what I've read on the subject I think that she has histrionic or borderline personality disorder. She is constantly needy and crying to everyone near her how she's afflicted with (fill in blank) and how she has the worst life. She craves attention and publicly ac …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

August 24th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Our daughter, who is shidduchim age, recently approached us that she would like to see someone regarding her indecisiveness. This is something that she has struggled with over the years.  It definitely seems like now would be a good time to address it. We are however, also concerned about her delaying shiddichum any longer, especially since we won't really be able to explain why we are holding off. I was hoping you …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

August 14th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Our teenage son often loses his temper. He can get really worked up over seemingly silly things. Not just at home but even with his friends it has becoming something of a joke about how he can "lose it." He isn't violent c"v or anything like that and is mostly a pleasant nice kid but he can really go from 0-60 quickly sometimes. How do you advise we deal with him when he gets like this? Do we make a zero-tolerance policy …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

August 14th, 2023

Dear Therapist: My teenage son (18) had been struggling with anxious and obsessive thoughts and went to see a therapist based on the recommendation of our rov. He was also told by the rov that medication could be an option as well. He was very against taking medication, probably out of a concern for shidduchim, and decided to just try therapy. The issue is that since he knows that the option of medication is out there, he has been harping on …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

August 14th, 2023

Dear Therapist: While I pushed it off for a long time, I now realize that I benefit from speaking to a therapist. I saw someone when I was in yeshiva in E'Y and now that I am back, I am trying to find someone appropriate. There is a lot that has gone on, and is going on, in my life and I need to speak to someone at least twice a week. So far it is hard enough to find someone with one opening, forget about two. Also, one of the therapist …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

August 14th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I appreciate your weekly insights and value the fact that there are therapists and mental health professionals who are true bnei Torah. I have heard rumblings about an issue and would like to give you an opportunity to clarify it for us. Can you please explain what is "parental alienation" which I understand to mean is when a therapist instructs a client to break off contact with a parent? Is this something that frum therapis …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

August 14th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I have been told for a while by others that I have "perfectionistic" tendencies. I am bh doing very well but I do have a significant amount of stress in my life. I struggle with the idea of "perfectionism" being a bad thing. Shouldn't we always be looking for growth, excellence, and to be the best we have to be? What is the difference between healthy and unhealthy perfectionism and how does one tell the difference?   Response …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

August 14th, 2023

Dear Therapist: My son (19) hasn't been productive for a long time. He has been in therapy for two years and it hasn't really made much of a difference. He gave me permission to speak to his therapist who basically agreed that he hasn't made much progress and that the most important thing for him is to be productive but he just isn't moving forward. The therapist himself said he considered stopping with him but is hesitant to do so if my son does …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I experienced a lot of serious trauma as a teenager. Now, years later I still suffer greatly from it. Someone recommended "ketamine assisted psychotherapy." I was wondering what your opinion of this is and if you would recommend it.   Response: Hallucinogenics have recently become increasingly popular, both in general and in conjunction with therapy. Specifically, with regard to trauma therapy various drugs with hallucinogeni …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I appreciate your weekly column and have learned a lot from it. I had a question regarding what type of evaluation you would recommend for a child who has shown a significant reduction in grades from one year to the next. This is for a child coming out of 3rd grade who has no major other history of issues. Someone suggested a speech therapist for a language eval, others are saying a neuropsych eval, and yet others are recomme …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Our daughter (she is 17 years old and a bit moody) has recently begun complaining to us that we don't understand her and that we have no relationship with her. This seems to be a common teenage complaint but she is being very persistent that this is a problem. To be honest I can't say that she doesn't have something of a point, but I don't believe that the fault lies completely with us. We are seeking advice from a few sources but …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I have always been a bit of an anxious person, particularly when it comes to my health and the health of my family. For a while I was pretty obsessive and was constantly going to doctors "just to make sure" I was ok. Any little ache or pain I made an appointment and had it looked at. At some point in my life, I realized that I was making myself (and my doctors) crazy and I learned to control myself, essentially learning to ignore …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: My family has gone through several major challenges over the past few years, including losing a close relative due to Covid as well as a series of other challenges. Now bh it seems that life has finally settled back to normal, but it feels hard for me to relax out of emergency mode because that's where I've been for so long. I feel like part of me is just waiting for the next challenge to arrive. How can I help myself get the …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I enjoy reading your column and value your insights. We are making a decision regarding whether to allow our 18-year-old son to be a counselor in camp this year. This is something he very much wants to do and there are aspects I think he will be good at it. However, he struggles a lot with responsibility throughout the year. He is notoriously unreliable, has trouble waking up in the morning, and you can't count on him for anything …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I have been told for a while by others that I have "perfectionistic" tendencies. I am bh doing very well but I do have a significant amount of stress in my life. I struggle with the idea of "perfectionism" being a bad thing. Shouldn't we always be looking for growth, excellence, and to be the best we have to be? What is the difference between healthy and unhealthy perfectionism and how does one tell the difference?   Response …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: My son (19) hasn't been productive for a long time. He has been in therapy for two years and it hasn't really made much of a difference. He gave me permission to speak to his therapist who basically agreed that he hasn't made much progress and that the most important thing for him is to be productive but he just isn't moving forward. The therapist himself said he considered stopping with him but is hesitant to do so if my son does …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I feel like my life is like Murphy’s law. Whatever could go wrong has. I have trouble with parnassah, trouble with my health, and difficulty with my children. I have worked so hard on all these things but to no avail. At this point I would take just one of them being better. Things just seem really bleak, and they have been for a while. A therapist wouldn’t convince me that things are better than they are, and it …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your informative column. I really enjoy it, especially as I am currently in school for social work. My younger brother was recently diagnosed with autism “spectrum” disorder. I think my parents always had a hard time with him and they seem relieved that they found a “name” for his issues. I am worried because I really don’t see that much that is wrong with him and I am concerned …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 29th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I am facing a dilemma and I am turning to you for advice. I am, baruch Hashem, a mother of many boys, most of whom are married. When I married off my sons, I bought their kallas basic standard gifts and jewelry. Most of my daughters-in-law were thrilled with the gifts I bought them. Some were happy with the gifts as they were and some went so far as to ask me if I could just leave credit in …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

April 18th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Thank you for your informative and interesting column. I've been in therapy for several months and still have a very hard time opening up to my therapist. I started seeing a therapist for anxiety and we've been working on other things as well, such as self-esteem. I did not have the support I needed in the past which contributes to my fear of judgment from her. This is an issue for me in general; not just in therapy. I don't find …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

April 18th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I have a 12-year-old son who has always been a bit of the “weaker” sort. Always been very needy, very fragile, as well as academically challenged. He always seems to want more and more attention from mommy and daddy and spends at least 3-4 weeks a year home sick (really sick not faking it). It seems like it is just the personality that he was born with. As he gets older, I am becoming more and more concerned about his …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

April 18th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I know this is more of a shidduch question, but I would love to hear the perspectives of mental health professionals on this. BH I am getting engaged and I am excited. I am so grateful that I got everything I wanted (and much more). At the same time as so much excitement, I am also really nervous, it's such a huge decision and even though I spoke it over with my parents and mentors, I still just feel how huge it is. I fe …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

April 18th, 2023

Dear Therapist: My 18-year-old son is currently seeing a therapist which was recommended by his rosh reshiva. Even though we are paying for the therapy our only interaction with the therapist is to arrange for payment. My son doesn't want us to speak to the therapist and when we have called the therapist, he doesn't want to speak to us either. How are we supposed to help our son if we have no idea what is going on with him? It also seems ver …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

April 18th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Ever since I can remember I have had disturbing dreams. Even now as an adult I find that I have these vivid nightmares almost every night. It’s gotten to a point where it’s kind of out of hand and I am wondering if this means something is wrong with me? Is there something I can do to make this stop? Would therapy help with something like this? I’d appreciate any guidance you could give me. Thanks.   Response …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

April 18th, 2023

Dear Therapist: We have an 11 yr. old son who has been bullying his younger siblings for years. He is an intense child with a low self-esteem. He threatens them, bribes them, belittles them, embarrasses them, annoys them, and physically hurts them. He needs everything to go his way. We've spoken to him time and again about his behaviors and he's aware of what he's doing and that it’s not ok. We've punished and threatened and explained. He d …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

April 18th, 2023

Dear Therapist: There is so much talk about the mental health issues that many are facing. Lekovod the simcha of Purim can you please share some of the good news? Where have you seen success, and what has inspired you, as to how both individuals and the tzibur have made strides in the area of mental health? Thank you! Ah Freilichin Purim!   Response: Our society does tend to focus on problems rath …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 15th, 2023

Dear Therapist: For many years I was in a relationship with a very challenging family member.  There were very compelling reasons why I was unable to set appropriate limits in this relationship and therefore made the choice to just swallow, give in and avoid confrontations.  It's quite a few years later now and even though I am a pretty positive person I started to feel worse about these very trying years. I realized that I need help pr …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 15th, 2023

Dear Therapist: As a rebbe I am often asked to make recommendations for what type of help is best for a bochur. When a child or teenager is struggling socially (but otherwise a pretty normal kid), what type of help is best for him? Is it social skills training? Help with social anxiety? Or is he just maybe an introvert that is best left alone? I know that you can't answer for a child you never met but I am wondering if you could gi …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 15th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I had a question I hoped you could help me with. My 11-year-old son is a bit moody. Usually when he is able to talk to me about what is bothering him, we work through it, he does really well and feels better. The problem is it takes a while for him to finally open up. He first says he doesn't want to talk about it and it takes a while for me to get it out of him. Then when he finally does, he usually feels better right away. The i …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 15th, 2023

Dear Therapist: As a high school teacher, I often have the opportunity to speak to my students on a one-on-one basis. I would love guidance on differentiating between a teenager going through regular ups and downs and needing some advice and a listening ear, and a girl who is struggling in a way that warrants professional help. Additionally, in your experience is there a way to get the girl on board to get the help she needs if she does not want/ …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: My 15-year-old son has always been a bit shy and nervous. Not the bravest kid, he doesn't really take chances or challenge things. BH, he is a good kid and is doing well in mesivta. His 2 older brothers have struggled a lot with their yiddishkeit. Our son now would like to go to therapy to help him be calmer and more confident.  A lot of his worries have a frumkeit aspect to it. He seems to look up to his …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I am dating a girl who disclosed to me that she has been seeing a therapist for the last year. She seems like a good girl and she said the things she went to therapy for are not significant. She gave me permission to speak directly with her therapist and signed a form allowing me to do so. My question/concern is how reliable will the information I get from the therapist be? Can you give me some advice on what type of questions to …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: We are writing this out of deep frustration in the hope that you will have some guidance for us. Our 16-year-old son has become rebellious and has been out of yeshiva the whole year. He seemingly spends his days and nights getting into trouble and living completely not like a mensch. He keeps crazy hours,  dresses strange, has very few friends. and in general, is not being matzliach. My husband and I pride ours …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I'm a thirty-year-old wife and mother who's been recommended for therapy by my rov to address trauma and a difficult childhood. I am concerned about some obstacles that I think will come up—and that I have heard from others—and am curious if the panelists have any solutions.  Being that the average session time is 45-50 minutes, how is it feasible to get anywhere in therapy? It takes a good fifteen minutes just to …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I was advised to see a therapist for our son for a certain issue. When getting the referral we were told that a specific therapist is a mumcheh in this area. The issue is that he lives in our neighborhood and davens in our shul. We don’t really have anything to do with him personally but my son is very uncomfortable with the idea that he would bump into him. Our question is if you think this is a concern? I am sure in the fr …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 19th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Our 18-year-old daughter was prescribed medication for depression and we think that it makes a real difference for her. Unfortunately, she starts and stops taking it pretty much whenever she wants. We have discussed this with her therapist but get the sense that the therapist doesn't want to waste the whole session talking about medication compliance. That being said we are concerned that this might be unhealthy for her and certai …
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