Latest articles from Yated Ne'eman Q&A

Mixing In to My Son's Relationship

2025-11-26T16:30:55Z

Dear Therapist: My son is a great boy, kind, sincere, and easygoing. He recently got engaged, and baruch Hashem the kallah seems like an excellent girl. One thing I’ve noticed over the years is that he can be a little absent-minded. He forgets small things sometimes. But now that he’s engaged, I’ve seen a few moments where he forgot to follow up on something he told his kallah, or didn’t realize how somethin …

I didn't Sign Up for This...Marriage?

2025-11-26T16:28:33Z

Dear Therapist: My wife and I have been married five years, baruch Hashem, and we have two wonderful children. When we got engaged, her plan was to become a social worker, and she was also doing some photography on the side. That played a big part in how I understood her goals. Soon after the chasuna, she stopped college, and within a year she stopped photography too. She’s been working a part-time remote job since then, but now she&rs …

Social Anxiety

2025-11-26T16:26:07Z

Dear Therapist: My wife has close friends, and she isn’t shy. But I notice that she avoids big events. Simchos, Shabbos meals with new people, even shul. She will come up with an excuse not to go. She doesn’t say it’s anxiety, just that it’s “too much,” or that she’s not in the mood. She always has been like this to a degree, but it is getting worse recently. Is it possible to be a sociable person bu …

Chronic Fatigue

2025-11-26T16:24:19Z

Dear Therapist: I’ve been feeling really off physically for a long time, beyond regular tired. My whole body hurts some days, or just feels heavy, like I’m walking through water. I’ve seen doctors, done blood work, they always say nothing’s wrong or just say “maybe it's stress.” This isn’t just stress. I crash after normal things like taking the kids to the park or making Shabbos and it’s not normal …

Motor Tics, OCD, and Anxiety

2025-11-26T16:22:14Z

Dear Therapist: Thank you for your informative and insightful column. I am reaching out for guidance regarding my 15-year-old daughter, who has been experiencing motor tics for several years. The tics have followed a fluctuating course, typically appearing for a period of time and then resolving for several months. There have been intervals of up to six months without any symptoms, followed by sudden recurrences, often in connection with identifi …

My Wife Insists that I See a Therapist!

2025-11-26T16:19:18Z

Dear Therapist: I am 54 years old, the owner of a successful business, and I give a nightly shiur. I grew up in a difficult home and developed OCD and anxiety before my bar mitzvah. In those days, there was no treatment for this. I married a wonderful girl, but our marriage was greatly impacted by my emotional problems. At my wife's insistence I made my rounds to many therapists, but my symptoms never went away. I finally …

Differing Marital Issue Resolution

2025-11-26T16:14:51Z

Dear Therapist: I’m someone who likes to talk things through when something’s bothering me—it helps me process and feel closer. But my husband just goes quiet, moves on quickly, or just says “it’s fine.” He’s not cold or mean, he just doesn’t really do the whole talking-about-feelings thing. I’m trying not to push, but I also sometimes feel alone and that things are unresolved. Is this a norma …

Childhood Fears

2025-11-26T16:12:24Z

Dear Therapist: I’m writing about my 6-year-old son, who started his second year of school. He’s usually a happy, easygoing kid, and last year went well overall. But since school started, he’s been refusing to go in the mornings and sharing strange fears—like the bus getting lost, getting in trouble, or even the police showing up. When he gets anxious, he becomes really upset and hard to calm down. He also seems to misinte …

Self-Esteem and Comparison

2025-11-26T16:09:41Z

Dear Therapist: I’ve been feeling something lately that I’m not even sure how to put into words. I have a sibling who I’m close with, and I do care about them a lot. But when I hear about all the good things going on in their life — whether it's their job, their social life, or how smoothly everything seems to go, I sometimes walk away from our conversations feeling frustrated or not good enough. I don’t want to feel …

Marriage Ambivalence

2025-11-26T16:07:15Z

Dear Therapist: I got married recently, baruch Hashem, and overall things are good. My wife and I get along well, I’m happy to be building a life with her, and I’m grateful for what I have. But at the same time, I’ve been feeling stuck lately. Before marriage, I felt like I was really growing—in learning, in personal development, in self-awareness. I had space to think, dream, and work on myself. Particularly, wh …

Teaching Anxiety

2025-11-26T16:04:12Z

Dear Therapist: I am a girl that has been teaching for a few years now. Before I go into the classroom, I often feel symptoms of anxiety. It usually starts before I even leave for work and continues until I’m actually in the classroom. Once I’m there, the anxiety lessens, but it doesn’t go away completely. Now that it’s summer break, I’m barely feeling any anxiety at all. But when I think about going back to work, I …

Therapy and Communication Challenges

2025-11-26T16:01:51Z

Dear Therapist: My son is in his early teens and has been struggling emotionally for a while now. We’re considering therapy to help with his anxiety and frustration, but there’s an added complication—he also has a language delay and has trouble expressing himself clearly, especially when it comes to his emotions. He’s intelligent and very sensitive, but when something’s bothering him, he often can’t find the wo …

Friends vs. Relatives

2025-07-29T15:04:11Z

Dear Therapist: I’ve always felt more myself around my friends than with family. With friends, I feel understood and comfortable. With family, it’s more tense—I feel judged or like I have to be careful. Recently, I chose to go to a close friend’s simcha instead of a family event, and my family was really upset. They said I was choosing friends over family, and maybe I was. But the truth is, I often feel more emotionally co …

Overthinking...or Just Thinking

2025-07-29T15:01:15Z

Dear Therapist: I’ve always been the type to think a lot—about people, situations, conversations, and about “life” in general. Sometimes I pick up on things others don’t, and I think that’s a strength. But it also makes me anxious and depressed. I also tend to be a little cynical. I replay things in my head, overanalyze, and sometimes get sad and discouraged when I look at what is going on around me. Som …

Anxiety and Stuttering

2025-07-29T14:57:05Z

Dear Therapist: As the parent of a smart, kind, and good-hearted son who is about to enter shidduchim, I’ve started to feel concerned about something I’ve noticed for a while. When he’s under stress or feeling anxious, especially when things are emotionally charged—he either stutters a lot or has a hard time communicating clearly. He often shuts down, and it takes time and effort to coax out what’s really going on. I …

My Husband Wants Out--Until the Baby Turns Twelve?

2025-07-29T14:54:46Z

Dear Therapist: We recently had our first baby, and while baruch Hashem everything went smoothly, it’s definitely been an adjustment. Right now, we’re staying at my parents’ house for a little extra support, which has helped a lot. Lately, my husband mentioned that he’s thinking about sleeping at our apartment some nights so he can get better rest. He says it would help him function better during the day and be more presen …

Picky Eater

2025-07-29T14:51:11Z

Dear Therapist: My son is in 11th grade, and he’s always been a picky eater—but it hasn’t improved with age. He does eat regularly and while he is skinny is basically a normal weight, so it’s not about body image or restricting food. But his diet is extremely limited: a few specific foods, no variety, and no interest in trying anything new. It makes supper, and Shabbos meals hard. He won’t eat at other people’s …

My Israel Disappointment

2025-07-29T14:45:13Z

Dear Therapist: I was supposed to go to Eretz Yisroel this summer—something I earned as a reward and that I have been looking forward to for a long time. But with the current situation, the trip was cancelled, and even though I completely understand why, I’m having a very hard time dealing with it. I feel disappointed, frustrated, and even a little embarrassed, like I was all ready for something that just got taken away. It isn& …

My Son's Unhappiness

2025-06-23T13:12:00Z

Dear Therapist: Our son had a rough few years—emotionally, socially, and in his yiddishkeit. Over the past 2 years in yeshiva in Eretz Yisroel there was a real turnaround. He connected with his rebbeim, grew in his learning, and seemed more stable and happier overall. We were so grateful to see him in a better place. He came home for Pesach and has been back since, and little by little, we’re seeing some of the old patterns …

Obsessive Thinking

2025-06-23T13:11:01Z

Dear Therapist: Lately I’ve been noticing how much pressure I put on myself to do things right. Even small things, like cooking for Shabbos or writing a thank-you note, start to feel stressful—like there’s one correct way to do it, and if I don’t get it perfect, it reflects badly on me. I end up procrastinating or overthinking things that really shouldn’t be so complicated. People probably see me as respons …

Is My Relationship Too Intense?

2025-06-23T13:09:48Z

Dear Therapist: Thank you for your thoughtful and insightful column. I’m curious about how to understand the difference between a close, meaningful friendship and one that may be overly dependent or emotionally intense. In close relationships, it’s natural to want to spend time together and share thoughts and experiences—but is there a point where that closeness becomes unhealthy? What are some signs that an attachment to a frie …

To Medicate or Not To Medicate?

2025-06-23T13:08:33Z

Dear Therapist: What is your opinion on taking medication for anxiety? I’ve tried quite a few therapists over the years, but it didn’t really help. Recently, my mother brought up the idea of taking medication, but I feel weird about it. I’ve been going to therapy privately, and I’m pretty sure other people my age do too. But taking pills feels like a different level—like something more serious. What’s your take …

Tough Love or Enough Love?

2025-06-23T13:07:13Z

Dear Therapist: B”H Hashem has blessed us with many wonderful grandchildren. The other blessing is that they enjoy spending time with us.
My husband is a caring, generous, loving, and devoted grandfather.
He often criticizes the teenage boys. Although they take it in good stride it bothers me very much. I feel he should be complimenting them much more. Every teenage boy needs chizuk and that should be our main goal. My …

My Husband's Therapy is Making Me Insecure

2025-06-23T13:05:44Z

Dear Therapist: My husband recently started going to therapy, and I can see that it’s been good for him. He seems calmer and more focused, and I know he’s working on himself. I really do want to be supportive and I’m glad it’s helping him—but at the same time, it leaves me a bit lost. He’s thinking differently, approaching things in new ways, and meanwhile I feel like I’m still in the same place. It&rsquo …

You're Better Than Me!

2025-06-23T13:03:40Z

Dear Therapist: Over Yom Tov, I was by a few different families, and I found myself constantly comparing myself to them. One family had such a calm atmosphere, another had a beautiful home, and everyone just seemed so confident, happy, and “put together.” I couldn’t help but compare it to my own life—and walk away feeling like I’m behind, or like I’m not enough. I am not sure if it's just me but I definit …

Fear of Being Hurt

2025-06-23T12:51:21Z

Dear Therapist: Being in seminary this year has made me realize how hard it is for me to really trust people. Even when someone hasn’t done anything wrong, I find myself holding back or expecting to get hurt. It’s like I’m always bracing for something to go wrong. I know that not everyone is out to hurt me and I honestly want to feel close to people. It’s just really hard for me to let my guard down. Keeping a bi …

Why Do I Get Angry?

2025-04-04T12:51:14Z

Dear Therapist: I’ve always struggled with my temper. Lately I’ve been realizing that it’s not always about how bad a situation is, but more about things not going the way I expected or planned. I’m starting to wonder if my anger has more to do with being rigid—like I just have a really hard time when things don’t go the way I think they should. Is that a common root of anger issues? Is that what I should …

Is Therapy Still Stigmatized?

2025-04-04T12:49:02Z

Dear Therapist: I recently started therapy, and I can honestly say it’s been something I really need—it’s helping. But even though people say the stigma around therapy is fading, I still feel like many of my friends don’t really understand it. I could never imagine telling them I’m in therapy. Not long ago, one of my friends made a joke about people who go to therapy, and it really stung. I didn’t feel like I c …

Do I Have Social Anxiety?

2025-03-20T16:23:26Z

Dear Therapist: Is feeling that I don't have anything to say in social situations social anxiety? Even in situations where I don't feel anxious, I have a hard time making conversation. Even when I am with people that I feel comfortable with. Am I just missing some sort of social skill or is this part of social anxiety? Or maybe this is just who I am and I should accept it. I would appreciate your advice. Thank you. Response: At first …

Family Religiosity

2025-03-20T16:20:39Z

Dear Therapist: I am writing regarding my 19-year-old daughter. She is doing well baruch Hashem but has always been a different personality than the rest of our family. She has also landed on a derech in life that, while she is living as a frum yid, is different than the way she was brought up. Our relationship has had its up and downs over the years but now I would say it is kind of neutral. Although we are accepting of her, …

Can My Therapist Fix Me?

2025-03-07T10:42:34Z

Dear Therapist: I enjoy your column every week. I appreciate how each of you have your own style and way of seeing things. I was wondering if you could each share your opinion on what you think is most misunderstood about therapy. How would you clarify and reframe it for those who may be considering therapy? Response: Of course, as you said, all therapists have different styles and perspectives. (Thus, our responses to this question …

Post-Holiday Blues

2025-03-07T10:34:51Z

I find that I get very down and depressed after yomim tovim. Not just Purim but really every Yom Tov, and truthfully after every exciting time of year. I am sure most people have some sort of let down but with me it is really painful. As a matter of fact, when something enjoyable starts, I am already starting to think about how soon it will be over. I guess I just have a rough time with "regular life." How can I get better at handling this? …

Self-Sabotaging Tailspin?

2025-03-07T10:30:03Z

I wonder if you have any suggestions for pulling out of what feels like a tailspin these last few weeks. I had been doing really well at work, at home, and in my learning and davening and suddenly I feel like I just lost all interest. It’s hard for me to get out of bed in the morning, I push off my chavrusah, and I am not paying attention at home or work. It seems to have come from nowhere. I know it will pass and I will get it together but …

Leaving the Past in the Past

2025-02-18T11:01:07Z

Dear Therapist: I really was not doing well during my mesivta years. I got into a lot of trouble and was a bit out of control. Baruch Hashem, I found myself the right yeshiva and I am really doing good now. I have cleaned up a lot of the issues that I was having trouble with in the past. Over the years people had pushed me to go to therapy but I was never really interested. Now, my parents are bringing it up again and I am more open to …

Dating Anxiety

2025-02-12T15:35:33Z

Dear Therapist: I recently began dating and was surprised that I was extremely nervous during the time I was dating that boy. This is a new experience for me, I am generally laid back and I have never been the anxious type. What bothered me the most was that during the 2 weeks I was dating I had no appetite and could barely eat anything. When that match didn’t work out, I was back to myself, but then when I said yes to …

Is My Teenager Normal?

2025-02-12T15:33:56Z

Dear Therapist: Is there a way to get my teenagers to be more organized and on top of things or is this just the way that they are and I should learn to live with it? The constant forgetting and/or neglecting of responsibilities and the things they were asked to do, the oversleeping, and the mess in their rooms. These are great kids who are doing well in school and yeshiva so I don't want to complain, but as a mother it is really hard on me …

Some Arguments Never End

2025-02-12T15:31:27Z

Dear Therapist: I was wondering what ideas you would suggest for enhancing communication in a marriage. This is for a couple that has good shalom bayis and is looking to work on it. Somehow although things are going well, when disagreements happen it is the same thing over and over. So, it seems that although there is a discussion, these issues are not resolved. I don't think in this case therapy is really on the table but perhaps …

Four Schools in Six Years...Too Many?

2025-02-12T15:27:34Z

Dear Therapist: My son has a tendency to jump around yeshivos. He is in second year and now is talking about switching to another yeshiva which would be his fourth in 6 years. He always has a strong reason behind it, he wants a certain shiur, a better oylam, or just thinks it would be good to have a "fresh start." I would say he is about average in most of the places he has been and they have been happy with him, he seems to keep thinki …

Do I Get Enough Sleep?

2025-02-12T15:24:42Z

Dear Therapist: I am almost always tired. I get a decent night's sleep, around 7 hours, which is certainly more than most people I know. Still, I have these constant feelings of fatigue throughout the day. I go to the doctor regularly so it isn't like I have some health issue that is causing it. Can this be mental health related? I think I am doing ok and I certainly don't suffer from any serious mental health issues. I guess I am not the happies …

My Roommate Has OCD

2025-01-10T10:44:47Z

Dear Therapist: I have a question I would like to hear your opinion on. I am an American bachur learning in Eretz Yisroel and I share a dirah with 5 other bachurim. In general, we try to keep the dirah clean, including a thorough cleaning once a week. About half a year ago we took in a bachur that apparently has major OCD. Every night after everyone else goes to sleep he gets to work sp …

My Therapist Decided That I Have an Eating Disorder

2025-01-10T10:42:06Z

Dear Therapist: Thank you for allowing us to gain so much from your collective wisdom each week. I'm in my fifties and watch my weight pretty carefully. I have a normal BMI. I avoid all the bad food at my workplace and stick to my healthy diet instead. Shabbos is my day off. My eating habits recently came up in therapy. My therapist felt that I have an unhealthy relationship with food. She said I should not be limiting my eating this way. S …

Teasing or Bullying?

2025-01-09T15:25:37Z

Dear Therapist: My 5th grade boy does not seem to be able to discern between playful teasing and really being bullied. When his friends tease him, his reaction is way out of proportion, which only leads to more problems with his friends because they find his reaction so overblown. My son doesn't seem to get it and complains to me that he is being "bullied." How can I help him see the difference, and get along better with his friends? Respo …

Will My Next Therapist Be an AI Model?

2024-12-18T12:12:29Z

Dear Therapist: I have heard that people are developing AI therapy and that it could be just as effective as in person therapy. Setting aside for the moment the issues that come along with use of technology, I am wondering if you think this is, or can be, and effective method of therapy? Response: Your question can be understood from a global perspective or with regard to specific needs for specific people within the context of a therapeut …

Should I Seek Therapy Simply for Accountability?

2024-11-28T11:22:24Z

Dear Therapist: Is there a benefit to using therapy just for accountability? I pretty much know what I need to do but I push things off a bit and I find that it helps for me to have someone that I check in with weekly to keep me on my game. I have done therapy in the past for deeper issues but I feel like at this point it's more about taking action. I am considering resuming therapy but mostly just for the goal of being accountable to someone. Pu …

Self-Esteem Revisited Again

2024-11-28T11:20:13Z

Dear Therapist: I enjoy your weekly responses and I think that it has provided me with a lot of insight into my own life. My question is: How would you define self-esteem? Is it the same thing as self-confidence? Is it something that someone can build on their own or must they be born and raised with? I understand that everyone might have a slightly different definition but I think I would appreciate hearing all of your perspectives on this. Than …

Teen Overspending

2024-11-25T13:36:40Z

Dear Therapist: We brought up our children simply and we tried to keep them pretty sheltered. Baruch Hashem many are married and have turned out well. One of our teenage boys has decided he was deprived and has now gone completely the opposite way where he says he needs everything he didn't have. Clothes, scooters, electronics, nothing bad per se, but definitely not how he was raised. We have been discussing with his rabbeim w …

Tantrums! Aarrgghh!!!

2024-11-25T13:35:16Z

Dear Therapist: My 7-year-old daughter seems to have an unusual temper. I understand it's normal for a kid that age to have tantrums but this is something else. She seems to have actual rage. It is also kind of hard to predict what sets her off. Sometimes she goes to school without a fuss and sometimes she will insist she isn't going and it turns into a huge fight. The "switch" seems to turn off as quickly and unpredictably. What works with …

Overspending Husband

2024-11-25T13:30:03Z

Dear Therapist: My husband and I have a wonderful marriage baruch Hashem. We share the same goals and are overall very much on the same page. One area where we keep having arguments is regarding finances. I am much more of a saver and a planner and he has an attitude of "we will figure it out." This is the kind of thing that keeps coming up again and again in our marriage and we just don't seem to have a path that works things out. …

Obsessive Praying

2024-11-25T13:28:18Z

Dear Therapist: I have been struggling for many years with my davening. Many times, I feel that if I only put enough emotion and feeling into my davening, I can get the results that I want. The problem is that forcing myself backfires. It's hard to concentrate on the meaning of the words when trying to create feelings. In my case, I wind up worrying all day about my relationship with Hashem, if I am a good person, and if I am a proper&n …

Breaking News: Parents Embarrass Their Teenage Kids!

2024-11-25T13:26:52Z

Dear Therapist: I'm curious to hear what the panelists have to say about the following: What is the correct approach that a parent should take when a child expresses their embarrassment about their parents, their parents clothing, cars, house etc.... For example, my teenagers will say, "What you’re wearing is so outdated," "Our house is so messy," "Ma, you can't wear this," "Please pick me up from school in our nicer car …