Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 7th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I have always had a difficult relationship with my mother. I always blamed myself. As I get older, with the help of some friends, I can realize some of the issues. It is impossible to have a normal conversation with her. It’s like she won’t say straightforward what she means, and nothing gets resolved. For example, I can tell she is angry and something I did upset her, but she denies it but then seems to ignore me for …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 7th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My daughter has just left for a year of seminary in Eretz Yisroel. I am concerned about the amount of time she is spending in her just married, shana reshona, sister’s house. She has only been in Yerushalayim the last few weeks but, by all accounts, she is spending way too much time there.  I know it's early but I want to deal with this before it becomes an issue. This doesn't seem to bother either o …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

August 23rd, 2018

Dear Therapist: My husband and I have been struggling with our 17-year-old son.  He is not currently in yeshiva and his shmiras hamitzvos leaves a lot to be desired. We have been getting advice from some rabbonim with experience in this area and have been meeting with a therapist for the last few months. All agree that, at this time, we should not be pushing or forcing our son when it comes to his Yiddishkeit. The is …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

August 20th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am struggling with a problem I fear is most uncommon. I have recently started practicing as a therapist. This is a positive thing, or at least it should be. My concern is that some friends of mine from the past have begun to resent speaking with me because they feel that I will automatically treat them as clients. This is mostly, but not limited to, secret or personal events in their lives. My question is, as therapists what are …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

August 9th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Thank you for this forum. Our oldest, a boy of 6, thinks that he is in charge of everything. He is in charge of every game, every digging session, and every clean-up job. He will constantly dominate every interaction with his younger siblings (boy 4 & girl 2) and attempts to control them. If his commands are not adhered to, he will yell and threaten etc. He cannot tolerate his younger brother superseding him in any way: "you a …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

August 9th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My brother went through a very difficult tekufah as a teenager. There was a period of a few years when he was not at all frum. B'H he is doing much better now and continues to grow. He has always been welcome in my home and behaved appropriately around my children (his nephews). He is great with them, they love him and he adores them. As my children grow older I am becoming more concerned about his influence on them. He is not alw …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 26th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am very concerned about the group of friends that my 14-year-old son has chosen. He has changed a lot for the worse since they started hanging out. It's a whole "pack" that spends all their time together and they are all negative influences on each other. The mesivta is struggling to try and figure out how to deal with them. I am hopeful that you could suggest a way that we could separate him from them. All our request …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 18th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I have a problem falling asleep so I take sleeping pills. They leave me feeling groggy throughout the day. My question, dear panelists, is: is it better to lie in bed awake until I’d fall asleep naturally, if ever, and be tired the next day, or to sleep with the pills and be tired the next day?   Response: As a non-prescriber, I cannot speak to the effects of various medications, whether over-the-counter or prescribed. …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 5th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your weekly column, I really enjoy the panelists’ responses. I have decided to seek therapy because of my eating habits and low self-esteem. I started seeing a therapist with whom I was very happy and I enjoyed going every week. After around two months the therapist informed me that she will be opening her own private practice and referred me to a different therapist. I had a very hard time with this as …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 28th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My son is a very sensitive boy and every time I tell him “no” or reprimand him for something, as I would to any of my other children, he always looks deeply hurt. Should I treat him differently than, or the same as, my other children? I feel that in life he will have to deal with “no”s and not everything will go his way and people will tell him off. Am I correct in my judgment?   Response: Your questio …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 25th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your insightful column each week. I gain a tremendous amount from your suggestions and advice. I am hoping that you can guide us. We B'H have a wonderful almost 10-year-old son; he is a fantastic kid, smart, conscientious, studious, well-behaved, bright, a real baal middos and a budding talmid chacham. He brings us a tremendous amount of nachas. The problem is that he likes to ea …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 14th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am a 19-year-old bachur in a top yeshiva. I have tremendous emotional difficulties: anxiety, panic attacks, obsessive looping, and depression. I also struggle with trauma and an unhealthy childhood. While I was skeptical of therapy, I decided to give it a try. I saw a highly recommended therapist for 8 months and found it to be a disappointing experience.  While it helped me gain clarity about myself and a brillia …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 7th, 2018

Dear Therapist: There is a specific issue that I have been holding in for a long time. I understand that it is something that is very serious and needs to be discussed with a therapist. The issue is that it is a very serious thing that I am worried will need to be brought to the attention of the authorities. This is something I don’t want to happen. So, I am stuck, not getting the help that I need. Obviously, I can’t be specific …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 7th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I know this sounds almost cliché but I can’t get my wife to stop spending money. Sounds like a bad joke no? I work hard and make a very nice living but she seems to have no awareness of financial responsibility. Whenever I speak to her she feels bad about it but it doesn’t really stop her. I don’t want to turn this into a huge fight, and she is sensitive to confrontation, but I’m telling you it&rsquo …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 18th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My sister has always thought that everyone was out to get her. She is extremely insecure and very sensitive. Now her paranoia has increased to the point where she is in a fight with everyone in her family. She is furious at me because she thinks I didn’t try hard enough to get her kids into high school. She thinks my husband ruined her kids’ shidduchim. She thinks my brothers are trying to push her husband out of …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 15th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Our 11-year-old son has been stealing things from his friends in school. We keep finding things in his room that we know he didn’t get from us.  Recently he admitted that he took a toy from another boy’s briefcase. We are devastated. We give him everything he needs and he comes from a house that I would say has excellent chinuch. I have no idea where he picked up such a horrible thing. Additionally, we are very wo …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 15th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am 14 years old, in mesivta, and I have no friends. I never really fit in. I am not interested in sports and the things that other kids are into. I feel very lonely and spend most of my day reading. I have always been very shy and I am not comfortable talking to anyone. My parents are not nogeah to talk to. Please help me. Thank you.   Response: I’m sorry that you feel that you don’t fit in. It&rs …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

April 26th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Our daughter has recently asked us to see (and pay for) a therapist. She says that her reasons for this are because she feels empty, without direction in life, and is not finding fulfillment. She is 22 years old, has never had any issues before, had no major difficulties in life, has a good job and has always done well. My husband and I have always felt that she could be a little more sincere with her yiddishkeit. She does ev …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

April 20th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My 10-year-old son constantly needs to be entertained. He is never able to just sit still and keep himself busy. He enjoys listening to Jewish tapes of stories (Rabbi Erps, Rebbe Hill, etc.) but he will listen for 5 hours straight. And he will constantly kvetch about not being able to listen if we don’t allow it. Is it healthy for someone to spend that much time like that? It’s like he has become obsessed wit …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

April 13th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Although your responses will be too late to be beneficial to me, I hope that by writing into this panel your responses will guide others who may be dealing with a similar dilemma. My wife’s father was recently niftar after a relatively brief illness. There was a lot of disagreement between my wife and me as to how much our 3 children (ages 12, 10 and 7) should participate in the levaya, shiva etc. My …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 30th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I took my first cigarette in 9th grade. I have been smoking steadily for the past 15 years. If I am honest I realize that it is a big health risk but that doesn’t seem to motivate me to stop. I guess I kind of “want to want” to stop. It certainly would make my wife and parents happy.  My questions are: 1. Do you have any suggestions as to how to become more motivated to quit?  2. Are there any specific …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 30th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My best friend recently became engaged. I should be overjoyed; however, I am very afraid for her. She has never had great self-esteem and is not a great judge of character. Her chosson does not appear to be a good person at all. He doesn’t treat her with respect and is constantly making demeaning remarks to her in front of everyone. You can tell a lot from the way others talk about him as well. I feel like she just …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 16th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My husband has had a job in finance for around 15 years. He is very good at it and makes a nice living but it is a stressful job and he is under a lot of pressure. He has recently begun complaining a lot and is overwhelmed by work. He took off a few weeks recently and that helped, but only briefly. He is talking about changing careers but I don’t know why he suddenly can’t handle it. He says he just isn’t interes …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 16th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I appreciate your column and insights and I would like to get your opinion on something that has been bothering me for a long time. I am afraid to do hagbah. I have only done it once in my life (with a really small Sefer Torah). I should be strong enough but I just have such a fear that I will drop the Sefer. I usually duck out of shul when it’s time for hagbah so that the gabbai won’t approach me. If I do get asked I …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 16th, 2018

Thank you for your column. I really enjoy it. I am a teenage girl who bh has many things going for me; I have a great, loving family, plenty of friends, good grades and all in all I am very happy. I do suffer from trichotillomania (I pull out my hair). But just to make it clear those who don't know would not be able to tell. My friends know and really don't think about it—it really has no effect on my life. Do you think it is necessary to g …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 21st, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am an adult and I have a problem. I get extremely impatient to the point of becoming highly aggravated when sitting at drawn-out events. For example, sitting at a Shabbos meal at a relative’s house gets me nervous if they extend it too long. Waiting at a doctor’s office or at a line in a supermarket can almost put me into a rage. I can't hang around too long at a wedding if I am not doing anything there. I am an adul …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 16th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My son (age 26) was diagnosed with anxiety by our family physician a few years back. I took him to a psychiatrist and he was given medication. He does very well when he is on the medication but I find he constantly skips doses. Even more concerning is that without telling me he will try and take himself off the medicine to see how he can do without it. I will often notice that he isn’t doing well and will confront him and re …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 7th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I boruch Hashem have two very wonderful young boys, ages 9 and 7. They fight a lot. I find that I am constantly refereeing their fighting. Part of me wants to just let them deal with it themselves but they wind up coming and crying to me at some point. I have no idea how I am supposed to judge and arbitrate 15 disagreements a day.  Please give me some tips on how to manage this.   Response: You presented your c …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 6th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Our daughter went to seminary in Israel this year. This was something she had very much wanted and was looking forward to. Basically, since Succos she has been telling us how miserable she is and that she wants to come home. She is too old to be homesick and I’m not sure what is going on. She has never been the most independent girl but I didn’t think she would have such a problem there. The mechanchos&n …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 25th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am a single boy who has been dating for 4 years. Whenever I start dating I get tremendous pressure from my parents to get married. I can’t think straight when I am dating because of all the pressure; of course, the shaddchanim join in as well. I have started saying no to any shidduchim that are read to me because I can’t put myself through this again. My parents seem to think that all the girls I …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 15th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Thank you to the Yated for this excellent column which I read weekly. I am writing regarding my father. My father is an extremely bright person and a professional who has been working the same job for many years. As he has recently entered his 60’s I notice that he just seems to be very down. My youngest sister recently got married and there is no one living at home any more. I also see that the younger people seem to be adv …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 3rd, 2018

Dear Therapist: I have a friend who is really struggling and after many conversations he has finally agreed to go to therapy. We did a lot of research and have found some therapists that would suit him. Unfortunately he cannot afford to pay for therapy. I have offered to pay for therapy but the therapist does not want to allow us to do so. He says he believes that it is important for the patient to pay for therapy themselves and that it is not a …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 3rd, 2018

Dear Therapist: My question is short, but not so simple. I am an addict. Being an addict is very challenging, painful and lonely, but it’s extra difficult to suffer from this disease in the Jewish community. It’s such a stigma and I have to hide my whole life from everyone. My question is, how can I learn to accept and love myself, to forgive myself for all the wrong I’ve done when I know that if people knew I am an addict, I wo …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 20th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I have many people in my life whom I feel have an inferiority complex and are in constant need of compliments and appreciation. Yet as much as I try I can't seem to fill their needs and they always feel I am under-appreciating their work. If they send me a cake for Shabbos I need to thank before, after, and once again. How do I feed their never satiated need for praise and compliments? It’s also very difficult for me to deal …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 13th, 2017

Dear Therapist: At about age eleven or twelve my girls drift away from their one good friend and begin to spend time with other girls. This pattern has repeated itself several times. I think that the original friends have felt somewhat abandoned by this. I don't want to control my daughters' friendships. However, I don't want anyone to be hurt and I would like to see that my daughters have the meedah of loyalty. If this is a normal patt …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 7th, 2017

Dear Therapist: Hi. The concern I am writing about is my almost 15-year-old son.  He is Boruch Hashem a masmid. However, his personal hygiene is lacking. I do not recall ever having had an issue with him regarding this matter when he was a child.  He showered, brushed his teeth and followed all the other norms regarding personal hygiene. I actually did try speaking to him about it a few times but he brushes me off.  …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

November 30th, 2017

Dear Therapist: What options are there for someone who clearly needs treatment but refuses to get it? I am currently involved with two cases where the person has serious issues that are affecting themselves and their families but won’t go for help.  In one case the person is so depressed they barely leave the house for anything and won’t even hear of it. In the other case the person thinks there is nothing wrong with them but the …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

November 22nd, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am a young adult with anxiety and I constantly beat myself with mistakes that I make. I was wondering if you can please give me insight on how to deal with it. I'm a bit impulsive. Ex: I spent a bit too much on food recently and now I'm upset that I don't have any money left for more important things that I need. I think very bad thoughts that are not letting me move on in life. I get very tense and have negative thoughts like & …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

November 17th, 2017

Dear Therapist: The time has come in my life for me to make a parnassah to support my family. I am having a difficult time choosing what career path I would like to take and what field I want to get involved in. I am generally not a person who has a hard time making up his mind but I can’t seem to settle on something that I think I would be good at and interested in. Someone mentioned that therapists are trained in career counseli …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

November 8th, 2017

Dear Therapist: Our teenage son has always been a bit of a complicated personality but he does well socially and academically.  Recently we have noticed a trend where he keeps on asking to go to the doctor because of different things that are bothering him physically. My husband and I recently calculated that he has had 6 separate issues in the last year or so. Only once was there actually something wrong (strep); the other times the doctor …
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