Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 14th, 2013

I don't believe that anyone can reach the peak of true self-esteem. We all view ourselves externally at least to some extent. The goal is to reduce externally based feelings about ourselves and to increase those intrinsically based. Some people will focus on building self-esteem so as to reduce or eliminate depressive or anxious feelings. Others can continually work toward an increasingly better sense of self. The great irony of self-esteem is t …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 14th, 2013

I have, in the past, defined true self-esteem as a positive feeling about oneself based on intrinsic attributes, similar to the way that we feel about others for whom we have esteem. What are the benefits of having true self-esteem, and what are the consequences of not having a positive sense of self?             While there are many mental health issues that can be strongly impacted by low …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 19th, 2016

Dear Therapist This past summer, I had an anxiety attack. It came as a surprise, because while last year I was depressed, at the beginning of the summer I made it my business to get out of the rut. Since then, I’ve been very busy going to classes and running a small business that allows me to express myself. I’ve been in therapy for about a year now and I really feel like I’m on the road to recovery …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 21st, 2016

Dear Therapist   My 18 year old daughter has been having issues with frumkeit, and seems to be moving in the wrong direction. She has had trouble with anxiety and trust issues in the past and seems generally unhappy. My other kids are being affected by her constant anger and comments.  My husband and I find ourselves constantly arguing over the proper way to handle the situation, and we feel that there’s no one to whom we can turn …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 29th, 2016

Dear Therapist I have a teenage son who I noticed was acting out of sorts. I attributed it to be a “stage” and did not make anything of it. A few weeks ago, I got a call from my son’s menahel telling me that my son was involved in some things that required help from an outside source. They would provide the “professional” and make sure my son was taken care of with the best care. I felt that cooperating with the yesh …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

November 9th, 2016

Dear Therapist My wife and I are married for five years. My wife is the youngest in her family and often her mother gives her opinions or makes requests that she feels that she can't decline. She is also very often the person who has to take care of family events. She would like to stand up for herself and be able to decline, how she can do that in a way that won’t offend.
I also feel that, while I respect my mother in law, she someti …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

November 9th, 2016

Dear Therapist My daughter is 6 1/2. Last year the school brought to our attention that she is displaying possible signs of ADD and they recommended an evaluation. Our pediatrician suggested that since preferred reputable specialists don’t take my insurance, and it’s a very costly evaluation, and being that my daughter is still very young, we can wait until after first grade when we’ll have more information on which to evaluate …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

November 9th, 2016

Dear Therapist I am working on myself to rid myself of childhood trauma that has affected my behavior. I am aware of triggers, and that certain reactions are not healthy or acceptable. I would like some guidance on how to change bad habits that have become ingrained in my personality. While I’m aware that they can be unhealthy, some behaviors have become so much a part of me that I don’t know another way to behave.   Response The …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

November 21st, 2016

November 18, 2016 Dear Therapist: What is the balance between getting what you want, sometimes being pushy.., and letting go? Example, I called doctor to get an appointment for one of my children, they were overbooked and only let him come for culture. The culture was negative and my son was complaining about his ears... so I was a little pushy, and the nurse did let me into a room. Now I am not sure that my son saw a good example... luckily, the …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

November 23rd, 2016

November 25, 2016 Dear Therapist: I am in my 30s married with kids and work part time. Since before my marriage (about 15 years ago) I have always been somewhat moody, but I  not exactly sure why. At times I just want to go under the covers and don't want to have anything to do with anyone. Other times I am full of energy. Winters are particularly hard. A friend said that I might have bipolar disorder, but I am doing ok as a wife and as a mo …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 1st, 2016

December 2, 2016 Dear Therapist: My son's Menahel called us in for a meeting. He said that while our 7th grade son is smart and has friends, he acts chutzpadig and doesn't listen to authority. The menahel said that he thinks our son has ODD and gave us the number to a (costly) therapist. Do we really need a therapist for.this? Isn't this a regular kid who misbehaves that for generations parents and schools found some way to deal with. Must everyt …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 8th, 2016

Dear Therapist: I am a regular frum girl, 15 and in high school. My parents never got along well and recently told us kids that they are getting divorced? Is my life finished? Will everyone look at me with pity? Will I be able to do a good shidduch? Does the fact that my parents divorced make it more likely that I might get divorced? Any information or chizuk that you can give me is appreciated.   Response: Please remember that you’re …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 14th, 2016

Dear Therapist: My wife has always been afraid of flying. The last time she flew, around a year and a half ago, there was some turbulence mid-flight and she got hysterical and wasn't able to calm down until we landed (thankfully this was on the way home). We have a family bar mitzvah on the west coast at the end of the month and she is already very apprehensive about going. I have tried to talk with her about the safety of flying but that just ge …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 21st, 2016

Dear Therapist: How do I deal with my husband’s first family? Both I and my husband are married for the second time after losing our first spouses. My kids, who are all married, accept my new husband with open arms. Half of his children, on the other hand, who are married with children and grandchildren, reject his remarriage and stopped talking with us and prevent his grandchildren, even those few who are already married, from having conta …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 29th, 2016

Dear Therapist: I am a tenth grade Rebbe in a local mesivta. I am concerned that one of the bochurim in my shiur may have OCD. He is a very good bochur and does very well, but is shy and seems very anxious about his grades. I noticed recently that he spends a very long time putting on ( and taking off) his teffilin. At least 10 minutes. He is constantly adjusting them during davening. He also takes a very long time davening. How do I know the dif …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 5th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I was involved in a car accident 2 months ago. Although I fractured my arm I am BH ok. The driver of the other car was more seriously hurt and needed surgery. My friends tell me I am “traumatized” and that I talk about the accident too much. I think it's normal to be shaken up by going through such an experience. I do have trouble falling asleep at night but I don't know that it's related to the accident. Am I traumati …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 12th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am in my low 20's and have OCD and Anxiety. Baruch Hashem, I am more or less stable as I am in college, and holding down a job at the same time. My question is: In a Shidduch, do you think I should look for someone who’s similar to me- someone who also has Anxiety or some other disorder, or should I rather look for someone who’s "regular" without those kinds of challenges? (Honestly, I would prefer someone who doesn' …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 19th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I have been enjoying this column in the Yated very much. I was wondering if you would be able to help me out. I’m going through a very hard period. I’m only 28 years old and I’m realizing that I have an issue in retaining information that I learn. I’m realizing it now because I got a job and it’s really affecting my job. I am slowly getting very very down on myself and I no longer have any interest in …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 25th, 2017

Dear Therapist: One of the panelists recently mentioned that “the source of the problem needs to be uncovered and healed” in order to really feel safe and secure. I’ve been wondering for a while how this is actually done in therapy. I’m married in my twenties with some kids and have been struggling with general anxiety. I’ve been seeing a therapist for a couple of months now and she’s really helped me a lot on …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 1st, 2017

Dear Therapist: I go through periods of time when I am consumed with worry about my health. I will be OK for a few months but then I wind up spending all day convinced that I have some sort of horrible illness. I wish I would be able to function normally. Why is this happening to me, and what can I do to stop it?   Response: There can be numerous triggers for fears related to health.  From a clinical perspective, Illness Anxiety Disorde …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 8th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am a pre-school Morah in the local Yeshiva. There is a boy in my class who never talks above a whisper. This has been going on since the beginning of the school year. While the parents insist that the child is just shy I am convinced that this is more than that. Can you please give me an idea of where the line is between shyness and a more serious problem? I would also appreciate any strategies you can suggest in convincing the …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 16th, 2017

Dear Therapist: Hi, Thank you for your column. Since parnassa pressure is something we all face, I hope you will print my question. I am the mother of a growing family, BH, and like most women today, my income is essential. Perhaps my husband is learning and I am the primary breadwinner. Or perhaps my husband is working, but his income covers basics while mine pays the tuition. Either way, the pressure that I am feeling to increase my income as m …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 22nd, 2017

Dear Therapist: I have a son who would like to see a therapist to deal with some issues. I think it would be beneficial for him but I am concerned that therapy might damage his relationship with my wife and myself. Every parent makes mistakes and I am sure we have as well, but I am worried by the sentiment I hear expressed that therapists "estrange" children from their parents. Can you please clear this up for me and perhaps give me some ideas as …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 1st, 2017

Dear Therapist: I'm really enjoying your column, and I'd love to hear your take on my problem. I am eighteen and I've always suffered from anxiety, and in times of stress also insomnia, but since I graduated from school last year and started working it’s gotten a lot worse. These days, I barely sleep and I am constantly in a state of sleep deprivation and exhaustion. I've tried melatonin, but it doesn't really help much. It basically only m …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 9th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I was wondering what your opinion was regarding taking anti-depressants. I have been feeling extremely tired and fatigued recently and when I went to my doctor thinking I needed some blood work he prescribed me an anti-depressant. Is this an advisable course of treatment? Do you think it would be more beneficial for me to see a therapist in addition to, or perhaps instead of, medication?   Response: I’m not a psychiatri …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 15th, 2017

Dear Therapist, I have an older (half) brother who has a serious mental condition. I'm not sure exactly what it is but he has often had to go to the hospital for a few days till he gets "stabilized". My parents don't really like to talk about it and I try not to bother them with it. I think there are also some other people in my mother’s family who have mental issues. My question is:  People have told me (and I have also read online) t …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 23rd, 2017

Dear Therapist, I recently graduated from college and began a job in an accounting firm. Although the job is working out well and I get along with everyone there, I have been feeling increasingly anxious as time goes on. I can't put my finger on what is bothering me because nothing else in my life has changed. In school I was always a relaxed, happy, popular person. I have good relationships and I am happy with my career, but I can't seem to shak …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 29th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am a 17 year old girl and one of my closest friends is constantly saying very depressing things. I'm not always sure if she is serious or just doing it to get attention. I don't know if anyone else is aware of this but she definitely does not want me to tell anyone. Point is, I'm not really sure what to do about it. It's getting to be a bit much for me but if I don't listen to her and take her seriously I don't think she will ha …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

April 5th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I have struggled for years with overeating and dieting. I was put on a diet at a young age (I was not overweight; it was purely for aesthetics) and as a result I have spent over 20 years yoyo dieting. I mostly maintain a normal to slightly large physique, so my health is not in great danger. But I cannot seem to get beyond this. I use food to cope and to relieve any emotions I cannot handle. I basically wake up and crash whatever …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

April 26th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am 21 year old Bochur just back from Eretz Yisroel. Can you please explain to me why some people have such a hard time waking up in the morning? This is something I constantly struggle with and I never am able to beat it. Oversleeping is something that is constantly getting in the way of my aliyah. It also really annoys my parents and rabbeim.  I wouldn't say it just has to do with going to sleep late because I have fr …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 3rd, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am a 12th grader in what is considered a very chosuva mesivta. There are some things that I would like to discuss with someone. They cause me a lot of worry but I do not feel comfortable discussing this with a rebbe or mashgiach in yeshiva. I think that maybe a therapist would be the right type of person to discuss this with. The issue is that my father doesn't hold of therapy. I am not sure how to bring this up with him and I d …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 10th, 2017

Dear Therapist: Around a year ago I went through something very difficult (I am not comfortable providing all the details). I have found that the passing of time since the event, keeping busy so that I don't have time to think about it, as well as writing about it, have helped but would appreciate any other suggestions that you might have. Someone I spoke to said it was a “trauma” and that something called “EMDR” is used t …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 17th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am wondering if you can help with the following question that I frequently wonder about. Why is there more of a need for therapists today than a generation or two ago? Somehow we managed fine in the past. I am not, chas v'shalom, against therapists, especially those who follow Da'as Torah. I am just seeking to understand.   Response: Your question is one that bothers many people.  It can be viewed from a theological, p …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 24th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I know someone who has a sibling who is in his early 20's and is holding down a job. However, he is socially awkward and can really benefit from therapy. However, this person will get highly insulted after being told this and may resent the person who told him. How can he be told (by a relative or professional) that his behavior calls for therapy? Can it be said straight out? If so, how should it be done? On the other hand, is fin …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 9th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I have been seeing a therapist for the last few weeks. Recently, while I was waiting for my appointment in the waiting room, I overheard him discussing another patient on the phone. The door to his office was wide open and he knew I was there because he had buzzed me into the waiting room. Since then I just don't feel comfortable speaking with him because maybe he discusses me when there are other people listening. The problem is …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 14th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I have tremendous anxiety from the news, especially nowadays when there are so many videos of terror attacks and other terrible things. I saw a video of a terror attack and I think about it all the time. I had this problem a few years ago but it didn't bother me again until recently. Whenever I go to Manhattan I am so afraid of something terrible happening. Please give me advice on how to deal with this.   Response: There are …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 21st, 2017

Dear Therapist: My wife and I began seeing a therapist a few months ago. After a few weeks the therapist suggested that my wife begin seeing a therapist by herself (in addition to together with me) to help her with her anxiety. Now our therapist has suggested that in addition I begin seeing another therapist to deal with some issues of my past. It's not like we started this because of a massive issue; we just had some things we needed to work on …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 29th, 2017

Dear Therapist: My 13 year old son is very busy with how he looks. He is my oldest so it's hard for me to get a sense of what's normal for this age. My friends say it's just a stage but I am worried about it becoming a problem. He has taken up exercising and dieting and is very into it. He spends quite a bit of time each day getting dressed. He has made a few cracks to my husband about how he looks. I would appreciate any guidance you can give me …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 5th, 2017

Dear Therapist: My 18-year-old son has been going through a very difficult time recently. He has been acting very rebellious and his yiddishkeit is suffering tremendously. We have been advised by many rabbonim and others that the key is for my wife and me to retain our relationship with him and unconditionally love him. Though he has not shown us that he is very responsible, we did not put up a fight and allowed him to get his …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 12th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am worried about how my husband interacts with our children. Most of the time he is great but when he is stressed out he can really be difficult. He yells a lot and on occasion potches the kids. He says there is nothing wrong with that and that it was never considered wrong for a father to potch and is part of chinuch. I think it's horrible and will ruin the children emotionally. Can you please settle this issue for us?   R …
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