We have heard how it was “in the beginning”; God created Heaven and Earth then He went on to separate. He separated light from dark, night from day, water from dry land, male from female, and many languages from one voice.

On the other hand, humanity is busy trying to unite. Male and female unite to create life, we unite in our efforts to build communities, we unite elements in nature to create and develop not just what we need to survive but what we need to thrive and grow.

So, here I was writing another blog about my work and seeing the words, “how we relate to ourselves, others and our environment”, appear in my discussion. It seems like no matter what aspect of human nature, human development or human dynamics I write about, these three relationships are inevitably part of the discussion. It is the common denominator when discussing the different perspectives of human nature. Anything we read, write, or think about when it comes to who we are and what “makes us tick”, must include all three relationships. At least…..

The Paradox

We exist in a paradox; we are individuals who fight for that individuality while we are social animals who depend on community. The biological factor is that we can’t do it alone, we need to belong somewhere. And so we search, inwardly and outwardly, to find a connection with who we are, who we connect with and a place to connect to. This search takes place within relationships.

Martin Buber was a prominent twentieth century philosopher who looked to answer the question “What is man?” He said that while this questioning begins in solitude, in order for man to find who he is, he must overcome solitude. He wrote that we must realize that we always exist in the presence of other selves, and that the self is a part of reality only to the extent that it is relational.

We are not unique among species that biologically speaking we can’t do it alone. Yet, we are unique among species in the sense that we are self-reflective.

All animals can respond to the questions:

• What (identifying/recognizing) – was that sound?
• Where (direction/location) – do I go for shelter?
• When (time) – do I search for a mate?
• Who (other) – do I choose to fight?
• Which (selection) – is my pack?
• How (action) – do I get food?

All these questions are related to survival and the behaviors and actions are related to the threat of physical danger.

Only humans ask Why – was I born, am I here, did this happen to me, do I feel this way, are there stars in the sky? From these existential questions come the behaviors and actions which are related to an existential threat that transcends the threat of physical danger.

“Challenging the meaning of life is the truest expression of the state of being human.” – Viktor Frankl

An added form of relationship is created.

This challenge takes place within relationships. And, as a result, the creation of another relationship; how we relate to something that transcends us, others and our environment is formed. For all you readers who are shaking your heads and saying that I am assuming that there is something that transcends the physical nature of who we are, don’t stop reading.

As I was discussing earlier, all questions but the why can be objectively identified by all our senses; sight, sound, touch, taste, smell, balance (vestibular), sense of knowing where we are in space (proprioception), and, to the extent that it is measured by nature; sun, moon, seasons and so on, time. The only question that transcends these senses is why. So regardless of your belief system, as long as we can relate to something that exists outside our sensory parameters, we have to acknowledge that this relationship does exist.

Process of Separation or Unification

Where we place, or in what order we place, these four relationships will lead to either separation or unification. For example, if I place the relationship with myself at the top, I am creating a hierarchy. There is nothing wrong with this but it definitely influences the outcome of the other relationships and not necessarily in a positive manner. If I invest mostly in myself it will influence the quality of my relationship with another, my environment and anything that transcends my physical reality. You can play around with the different placement of each and still find a lack in any one of the relationships. Even if you choose to invest in each one equally, the outcome is a diluted relationship with each.

Proposition found in music

What I am proposing is a perspective from which the self is seen as part of a whole; the whole contains all forms of relationships. If you stand alone in this whole, relating only to the self, the other parts of the whole are separate from you. But, if you form a relationship with the other parts within the whole, you influence the part you are relating to and, in turn, are being influenced by that part; unification takes place.

The irony is that many of us fear losing our unique identity if we connect with another or something else. The irony lies in the paradox; we can’t be an individual in isolation of a relationship.

Music is a unifier. Music is the whole which contains and allows the different parts to relate to each other while maintaining their individuality. In this relationship a whole piece of music is formed.

Containment presumes boundaries. These boundaries can be visible or invisible. And many different containers exist concurrently.

When I use music listening, the instrumental music is the container within which the work takes place. The structure of the music; a clear beginning, middle and end, determines the boundaries of the container. The size of the container is determined by the complexity of the musical elements found in the piece; how many melodic voices are used, how many instruments, how many changes in harmony, tempo and rhythm and how much tension is experienced before the anticipated resolution, all influence the size and space of the music container within which the therapy work takes place.

"Music is the movement of sound to reach the soul for the education of its virtue" – Plato

Let music teach us how to form relationships; how to create through unifying.

For more information, contact Sara at [email protected]