How Quickly we Forget

 

It is incredible at times how quickly I can forget things – not only trivial items but significant ones as well. Whether it stems from a lack of concentration or simple forgetfulness is not the issue. It happens to most of us (except for my wife – her memory is impeccable).

 

Even the Torah tells of an extreme example of this. The Jews, the Torah recounts in this week’s parsha, are getting ready to leave Egypt. For more than 100 years, they had endured persecution and been subjected to forced labor – in fact, this was the situation ever since the death of Levi, the last brother to die.1 They are instructed to eat Matza together with Maror – the bitter herbs - on the night before they leave.2

 

The eating of the Maror, we read in the Haggadah, is to remind us of the difficult times we had in Egypt. But wait – why were this generation of Jews required to “remember” the bitterness of their labor? After all, they lived it!! Why would they need a memory enhancer? They needed to have Maror with their matza in order to remember the bitter times, asks Rabbi Shtainman? Wasn’t their very recent experience enough for them?

 

Apparently not, he writes. Human nature is such that being on the verge of freedom was so powerful an experience for them, that it was hard to think back to the period before the plagues when they were still in hard labor and being tortured.

 

The opposite also holds true I would add. When people are suffering, it can be difficult to remember the good that they have experienced or the wonderful plans they still have. A client of mine has so much difficulty with pain people have caused him over the years. He developed a hyper-sensitivity to people’s reactions to him. It colors his emotional state and his mood as well. He asked for help to modulate these "automatic" responses. For him, though, just knowing that good also happens in his life is not enough. Keeping a diary of successes and good things in his life, however, has helped him gain a sense of perspective.

 

 "...granaries of the past into which they have brought the harvest of their lives: the deeds done, the loves loved, and last but not least, the sufferings they have gone through with courage" Frankl

 

In fact, Dr. Viktor Frankl writes that when he was treating people who were suffering, there were times when he felt it would be beneficial for the patient to help remember the past. When suffering, “people tend to see only the stubble fields of transitoriness but overlook and forget the full granaries of the past into which they have brought the harvest of their lives: the deeds done, the loves loved, and last but not least, the sufferings they have gone through with courage and dignity.”3

 

One’s life is full of joys and sufferings. Frankl invites us during times of long-term suffering to balance that with memories of joyous and successful events from our lives - even if some of those successes relate to teh suffering and how they met that suffering with dignity. It should be clear that when a person is in the middle of acute suffering, it may not be an appropriate time to remind him of such. But if a person is having trouble with perspective due to their suffering, a gentle invitation to revisit those granaries of time and relive some of those moments which have meaning to their existence may be helpful.

 

Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

 

Footnotes

 

  1. Rashi, Shemot 6:16
  2. Shemot 12:8
  3. Frankl, Viktor E.. Man's Search for Meaning (pp. 150-151). Beacon Press. Kindle Edition.

 

Have A Great Shabbat!laughing

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