During the holidays, congregants increasingly seek out the counsel of their rabbis. The holidays are a time when many people feel genuinely inspired to make a special effort to be extra observant. It is also a time when people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) are most likely to knock on the rabbi's door. How rabbis respond can make all the difference in whether religious OCD sufferers seek professional help, and in some cases, it can be a …
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Dr. Shoshi Lewin Social History: Client is a middle aged married employed male. Client was born to a lower class family and was originally employed as a stable boy. He worked his way up to the ranks through his prowess in the military. He became king through his first marriage to Vashti, daughter of Nevuchadnetzar. He is the ruler of 127 nations. He has been married twice, has one son, and has hundreds of women in his harem. Clinica …
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There are big “hates” and smaller “hates” -the big hates need to be contained, the lesser ones examined. First let’s see the big. People hate those who perpetrated violent crimes against them or loved ones; they suffer with injuries for years; think: murder, rape, assault. Or even less extreme brutality such as financial crimes: a tenant who wouldn’t move out and cost the landlord thousands of dollars and possi …
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Definitions of Hate: Repulsion Intense dislike Disliking an unappealing object The desire to eliminate the “enemy” Eliminating the “other” Origin of Hate: Hate is the opposite of love; it is a deep and passionate emotion that is essentially destructive. A convenient excuse for dysfunction, ineffectiveness and misfortune, hate assigns blame to the vulnerable. The need to protect self-esteem, reduce fears and strength …
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We all have stress in our lives. But what is stress? What is the psychological process in our mind that brings us to be stressed out? Let’s begin by exploring some theories—the Appraisal Theory and the CBT model—to help us gain a better understanding of how stress happens and how to reduce it. The Appraisal Theory (by Lazarus & Folkman) proposes that our mind makes two quick calculations—or appraisals—of every si …
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Stress seems to be an inevitable part of our lives. There are family stressors, work stressors, financial stressors, just to name a few. At one point someone shared with me an idea that stress is merely a result of our thinking. Once we have healthier thoughts we no longer have stress. I had difficulty accepting this premise. After all, sometimes life can seem really tough. However, as life goes on I’m ac …
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Life seemed easier when we were growing up and in a less fast paced world, children had a chance to play and be children. How then in the year 2014, with all that is going on around us, do you raise your children to be resilient? Resilience, the ability to roll with the punches, to experience life's challenges and not just bounce back but thrive, is critical for all of us, individually and collectively as a community. This is especially so …
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Kids today! They are carpooled to school, have their own rooms [well, maybe with one sib], and their own personal lawyers [us!] to help them deal with any issue at school. How different this is from our childhood where we walked to school, shared a room with three siblings, and had to deal with the teachers all by ourselves. Though we may laughingly concede that our children ‘have it too good’ and we certainly have no wish for them to …
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Many women with breast cancer face emotional issues during and after their treatments. Anxiety, depression and fear are often evident. They may worry that the cancer will return, be concerned about their physical changes, or they may be concerned about the impact of their diagnosis on their family, social, or work life. The physical, emotional, and social effects of the disease can seem overwhelming. Fear of recurrence is an extremely common and …
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The challenge in a couple going for marital therapy results from the fact that the spouses feel that there is nothing wrong with them and why should they have to be in therapy just because of their spouse’s shortcomings. Whereas in individual therapy the client knows that something is wrong and seeks help with his or her personal problem, in marriages …
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Couples may come to therapy for either of two reasons; the first is that they face a situation of acute distress and conflict. Often it is one partner who drags them into the office. The couple may fight and raise voices or be rude to each other or find themselves in cold wars which get longer each episode. They may be stuck in cycle of criticism, which is a dysfunctional communication style, and a spoiler of satisfying home life. Critical or sar …
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For the purpose of this article we will be discussing two types of problem that impact marriages – couple problems and individual problems, and two types of therapy – marital and individual. Like the handyman who needs to know the details of a job before deciding upon the right set of tools to bring along, it's helpful to recognize the type of marital issue you are facing when choosing one type of therapy over another. So what is a co …
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The Five Towns Wellness Center held their first networking event on Sunday, September 14. Their team of clinical therapists invited school faculty, Rabbis, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists to meet for an elegant evening of professional collaboration in their newly renovated professional office in Cedarhurst. The incredible turnout pointed to the dedication of those in the professional community to learning about local resources in order to pro …
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You have your sweet, intelligent, imaginative and creative child. A child who has clearly been blessed with endless potential and depth, a child that can blow your mind away with the most interesting questions you’ve ever been asked (Which you only wished you could answer). Need we say more? The problem, or better said, the “challenge” is, your child also has anxiety. It’s part of this package deal. Yet, there is good news …
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One of our primary roles as parents – and one that takes up much of our energies, thoughts and time – is to make sure that our children eat healthy. Few things are more painful for parents than watching their child grapple with their relationship with food. Sometimes it is a slight nuance noticed, a sudden dislike for a certain food, or the disappearance of a cake, all of which appear to be accompanied by reasonable explanations. &rdq …
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Did you know that if you are experiencing migraine headaches, digestive issues, chronic back or joint pain, or other chronic pain conditions and disorders, that it might be your body’s way of trying to tell you something? The latest research in psychology has been putting an emphasis on somatization, or how feelings and experiences show up in the body. It turns out that the body can store information that is not in our conscious minds, mean …
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We are a nation of givers. It is in our very nature, our essence, our cultural and spiritual DNA. Our communities, schools, and shuls are replete with opportunities for giving. Flip through a Jewish newspaper today and you’ll come across dozens of ads for organized giving: food for the poor, infertility treatments for those who can’t afford them, even free anonymous mental health counseling over the phone. We give time, we give money …
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“I want my child to be happy, successful in school, and accepted by classmates.” These are the words I hear from almost every parent in the initial interview when I begin working with them and their children around an adjustment issue. As parents, we all want our children to be happy and grow up to be fully functioning, successful adults. Psychologists are researching whether there is a correlation between happiness and success in lif …
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Though many of our children do quite well in yeshiva, sometimes we come across a child who is head and shoulders above the rest of his class. Though one may think of this as a “good problem,” it is a problem nevertheless. The child suffers from mind-numbing boredom, and the adults suffer when that child acts out because he is going out of his mind. Children who are super unchallenged in school are often miserable. Sometimes to relieve …
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Dear Readers, In our previous issues of Mind, Body & Soul, we’ve tackled the issue of how to get started on the path to getting help for issues of mental health. We’ve also examined the concept of being willing to be fully engaged in the therapeutic process in order to make the most of the help you are getting. And although we touched on the issue of ascertaining whether the help you’ve gone for is actually helping yo …
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What is confidence and where does it come from? First try to think of something you are confident about and think about how you became confident in it. I, for example, am confident that I could make a painting (the kind you see in museums), because I have been painting for over fifteen years. I am confident that I know how to drive a car because I have been driving for over fifteen years. I am very confident that I know the difference between hea …
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It’s Sunday evening and the sun is starting to set. It was a pleasant day, but nevertheless, the general sense of wellbeing that seemed so pervasive a few hours earlier is beginning to diminish. A vague, gnawing feeling slowly manifests itself. With the passing of each moment, this indistinct sensation gradually takes form and suddenly the harsh realization strikes: “Oh no! The weekend is just about over!” A serie …
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During the holidays, congregants increasingly seek out the counsel of their rabbis. The holidays are a time when many people feel genuinely inspired to make a special effort to be extra observant. It is also a time when people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) are most likely to knock on the rabbi's door. How rabbis respond can make all the difference in whether religious OCD sufferers seek professional help, and in some cases, it can be a …
Read more
How often does your day start out inspired, renewed, full of energy and promise, only to be thwarted by a mishap, negative encounter, rude comment, disappointment or humiliation? “That just ruined my day,” we often say. “I can’t stop thinking about that awful comment.” Or: “You expect me to be happy after this horrible thing happened?” And the negative mood trap continues, disabling the spirit and the min …
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We have all seen the frightening and disturbing images from Israel of children huddling with their parents on the ground, in the street, hiding in safe rooms or bomb shelters as rockets fired from Gaza attempt to harm Israeli citizens. We have seen the videos of groups of children, perhaps five- or six-year-olds, singing a song designed to soothe them, a song about seeking safety when the warning sirens sound as they rush with their teachers to a …
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Recently, I met with a lovely middle-aged man in my office. His calm demeanor and mellow style made him quite likable and easy to get along with. When he described a childhood with a chronic history of aggressive outbursts, I was surprised. He disclosed, somewhat shamefully, an incident where he had lashed out at a classmate out of rage and frustration when he was being teased, and ended up physically hitting and punching the child. Even now, man …
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The stigma of mental illness is alive and well, and kicking....hard. Recently, an able-functioning client told me that when she tried to seek care for her mental health needs, the resource staff seemed almost afraid of her. It wasn't the first time she had experienced this. And sadly, it wasn't the first time I had heard it. In fact, many years ago, I personally saw the reticence (disdain?) in some of the professionals I met, as I attempted to ge …
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There is a story in the Gemara (Shabbos 31a) of a man who tells Hillel that he will convert if Hillel can teach him the entire Torah while he, the prospective convert, stands on one foot. Hillel agrees, telling him, “De’alach sanei, lechavrach la sa’avid – That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow.” “This,” Hillel went on to say, “is the e …
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Differentiating Between Dysfunction, Disorders and Domestic AbuseIt can be very confusing to people who feel abused in their marriage, to try and determine if the cause is a dysfunctional relationship that may have some abusive features, a spouse with a mental illness or domestic abuse. In fact, some of the abusive ways one may be treated by their spouse, may be similar from situation to situation. …
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Did you ever wonder why the difficulty of putting a shidduch together is compared to the difficulty of splitting the red sea apart? Why do we use a comparison of splitting when talking about putting together? There may be several reasons. But, consider this: isn’t finding the right one, also about staying apart from the ones that aren’t right? Although, as we know, everything that has already happened has happened for a reason, …
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A parent needs to be very aware of the maturation levels of children in general and certainly of their own child's maturation. The milestones of development within the first three years of life are key reminders to parents of how their child is developing. This should include sitting up, beginning to crawl, walking, talking and of course relating to their environment in a positive way. Before seeing a therapist about these issues, a parent …
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Children do not come with instruction manuals, but there is a time in every parents’ experience when they wish they did. Most parents can truthfully state that there was something about parenting that was surprising, confusing, befuddling, or all of the above. One of those times can be when children exhibit emotional or behavioral problems. When is a problem behavior so extreme that parents should seek help? When are a child’s tantrum …
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Few things are more painful for parents than watching their child grapple with their relationship with food. Sometimes it is a slight nuance noticed- a sudden ‘dislike’ for a certain food, or the disappearance of a cake. All seem to have what appear to be reasonable explanations …..”Oh, it gives me a stomach ache,” or,”I’m really trying to eat healthy now-that’s not good for you.” What …
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Your seven-year-old son, Shaya, is so embarrassing. He approaches adults and asks personal questions that seem inappropriate. He seems to have no sense of shame, and little interest in conforming to social norms. You cringe at the thought of taking him to family affairs and public events, where you never know what kind of catastrophe might transpire. And when you broach the topic, he easily dismisses it and hardly makes eye contact. You have alre …
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Marriage is the biggest opportunity we have to achieve ultimate human connectedness and joy. However, it requires patience, perseverance and giving of our time and emotional resources. It’s surprising to think how our expectations of marriage are so different than how we approach other life goals such as career, schooling, or even dieting. Unlike other areas of life where we are prepared to work hard for our goals, in marriage we expect the …
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When two souls are united in marriage, it brings an unparalleled magical bond from which new life can evolve. A deep emotional commitment is paired with spiritual advancement. The following are some psychological / spiritual pathways to develop a peaceful and harmonious home. In our overscheduled, stressed lives there are myriad demands upon couples which leave little opportunity for investing in the richness and passion betw …
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We all know that Shalom Bayit is a dynamic state of communication, giving,receiving,and understanding and probably a whole lot more. But you have tried all that and there are still problems. Let's begin discussing communicating and see if there is ground we have not yet covered. According to many therapies communication is the first step towards intimacy. It might seem far-fetched to think if intimacy s not joyful it could have something to …
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Here is a list of ideas about marriage that may or may not be relevant to you. They are not absolute and one can surely argue about the merits or limitations of each. Still, it can be helpful to look these over every once in a while to renew your perspective and motivate you to work to improve your marriages. -Be your own person. Though you are married and life-partners, remember that you and your wife are still two separate people who nee …
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It would be outstanding if it would be so simple to improve one’s marriage just by itemizing “10 do it yourself fix it solutions”. However, based on my experiences with couples, I have seen some common threads that can be utilized to help any marriage gain a positive momentum assuming that the spouses are not suffering from severe mental and or personality disorders. That is a different venue altogether. Couples have a tendency …
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There’s a core reason that most people go to therapy – to feel better. Whether it’s an addict who has hit rock bottom, someone who is suffering from anxiety or depression, a couple who feels miserable with their marriage (or their spouse), or any of the other reasons someone might seek out a therapist – they all have that same basic goal in mind. As was mentioned in past editions of this publication, people encounter probl …
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