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Frum Divorce Attitudes

articles of encouragement, hashkafa and halacha relating to divorce, custody and remarriage.

The-steps-of-recovery-from-an-abusive-marriage-to-a-caring-marriage

  The steps of recovery from an abusive marriage to a caring marriage D I R E C T I O N D-Detach I –Individuate R- Reach out E- Equalize C-Calm T-Trust others I-Intend consciously to connect to others, make the choice O-open up to others N-Nosei B’ol- taking responsibility for another person 1-you can’t get anywhere else if you don’t leave where you are. You may have already technically separated or divorced, but you …

Post-Divorce-Rehabilitation

Divorce is a loss that needs to be mourned The mourning over divorce is much different than all other kinds of mourning. When a person loses a relative , he has lost someone close to his/her heart , that literally had  ‘supported’ their heart, their emotions, till this day. The mourner loses that outside support, and hopefully will regain that from those who come to comfort. A divorcee didn’t lose someone close to their hea …

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Hebrew-benefits-of-divorce-where-necassary

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Single-Parentingtake-Example-from-a-Gadol

Lessons in single parenting from an experienced Gadol   The Brisker Rav, Rav Yitzchak Ze'ev Halevy Soloveitchik (1886-1959), escaped the holocaust with only himself and six of his children. His wife and three other children perished in the holocaust. (Another married daughter had already left) He was never zoche to remarry and raised his remaining daughter and sons alone. Those who’ve heard of him,  know of the hours spent learnin …

single-Parenting-for-noncustodial-and-custodial-fathers

××¡"× Non-custodial Single Parenting Aiming to Climb Mt. Everest, Starting at the Dead Sea   It has been said about child raising, that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Since the waves of enlightenment, 150 years ago, we've seen that hurricane winds, can, however,blow apples very far from trees.   Today we are seeing a stranger phenomenon – trees are being uprooted and removed from their apples. There are fathers who ar …

second-marriagesarticle-by-Rabbi-Twersky

Rabbi Abraham Twersky-from his book –Marriage the First Year Pre-marriage counseling is advisable in a first marriage, but is absolutely essential in a second marriage.   Human beings are not robots. When we relate to another person with any degree of intimacy, that person has an impact on us. Whether a marriage ends by tragedy or divorce, the lost marriage is exactly that: a loss. And a loss must be adequately grieved if one is to put …

second-marriages

  Taking the first step -a second time A look at the process that leads to second marriages   “I’m sorry that I really can’t feel for you. “ That’s what Naftali’s best friend said to him. That’s the best empathy he could give  in his situation. Naftali is in shidduchim for a second marriage.  Through his life experience and a lot of self-work he now has an idea how good marriage can be …

Rav-Tzadok-HaKohen--Personal-Change

Rav Tzadok HaKohen - Personal Change One of the great lights of Chasidic thought and arguably its most prolific author,  Rav Tzadok HaKohen was born to his father Rav Yaakov the Av Bais Din of Kreisberg in Lithuania.  His grandfather  Rav Zalman Mireles was the Rov of the three prestigious communites of Altuna-Hamburg-Wansbeck in Germany and was the son-in-law of the Chacham Tzvi. He said about himself that when he was one year old …

poems

  Divorce stigma was created by G-d to protect the happiness and unity of families only in olam hazeh The bad marriage was created by G-d to add to the happiness of the sufferer only in olam haba.   Divorced fathers are like an airplane without a runway: you can’t take off and you can’t land. A war torn father turns to refueling and recharging mid –air, and he will continue to float. A wisened father makes limits and s …

PLEASE-UNDERSTAND-ME--

××¡"× PLEASE UNDERSTAND ME  AN OPEN LETTER FROM ANY DIVORCEE TO THEIR NEIGHBOR   Dear friend/neighbor,   I wanted to thank you for something. Remember a while back my car broke down and it had to be towed away and junked. It was a major financial loss for me and an even bigger headache. You were there to console me at that time. Thank you.   Sometime later, I was having trouble with one of my teenagers. He was at risk and al …

suggested-flyer-for-a-divorcee-support-group

Introducing a frum single men’s support group Dear men, A single Yeshivish men’s support group is being organized !  The goal of the group is simply to give chizuk to each other in our goal to get married. It’s an opportunity to share ups and downs, experiences, and  to provide the social interaction that's needed as a stepping stone for shiduchim. The opportunity can also be used to "talk down" yourself after a d …

FamilyDivorceDiversity

××¡"×   FAMILY – Unity comprised of diversity   There are two words in Hebrew for family, each of which captures the contrary but integral aspects of a family. Each of these words is used in introducing the mitzvah of preparing and eating the korban Pesach in Mitzrayim, the only mitzvah, to my knowledge, that's specifically given to be done with family. Moreover, it’s the first mitzvah that was given to be told over to Bne …

custody-attitudesarrangements

××¡"×   Two parents-One soul When Hashem created children, He created them in a way that requires two parents. The child needs two parents, not just to have a physical body. He needs two parents to have healthy emotional and yiddishkeit development, just as critical. More than every person needs two eyes to see depth, a developing child needs two unique perspectives on his life.   Hashem gave the child a father with logical and intell …

A-positive-Torah-attitude-on-the-divorce-plague

A Torah attitude on the divorce plague Why is this happening to us? Did we do something wrong?                                                           &n …