Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: We recently acceded to our daughter’s request to begin seeing a psychologist weekly. This is related to some eating disorder and body image issues. Without going into the specifics we were given a bad recommendation by a friend as to which psychologist to send to. This psychologist clearly did not share our values and we believed she would not be appropriate for our impressionable teenage daughter. So we switched her to a di …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My wife suffers from major depressive disorder and has for many years. Most of the time it is kept under control with medication but every so often will flare up into a severe depression. She has currently been suffering from a depressive bout for the past month and a half. She is working with a psychiatrist and therapist to get better. Part of her depression is that she doesn't want to do anything but sit at home all day. Sitting …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My 10-year-old son is smart and personable. He does great in school both academically and socially and is an all-around great kid. He is emotionally pretty mature for his age and can be pretty independent and self-reliant.  He is, however, often very inflexible. He has a few foods that he likes and that's it. A few shirts and that's it. Same with general schedule and routine (i.e. he has a rough time moving out of his room fo …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: This might seem like a shidduch question, but I'm posing it here, as it dips into the mental health arena. In my experience with singles seeking to remarry, a barrier that presents itself repeatedly is fear. Many have had personal experiences of heartache and betrayal; they have experienced the pain of relationships falling apart. These experiences are a perfect breeding ground for fear to take hold, and possibly fester …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: What is it with camps scaring the wits out of kids. How come all the scary plays, Holocaust stories, and color war breakouts. Granted my kids are a bit sensitive but do I need to have them come home from day camp all terrorized? Are these things appropriate? Are my kids just wimps? Can these types of things negatively impact kids?   Response:              & …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 26th, 2019

Dear Therapists, My husband keeps on making bad investments and losing money. He borrows money to try and invest and now he has lost other people’s money. He is totally out of touch with reality vis-à-vis his business ability, complete oyalam hadimyon, but it doesn’t "pas" for him to work for someone else or get a regular job. I am at my wits’ end. Please suggest how to talk some sense into him.   Response: I&rs …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

September 23rd, 2019

Remember back when you were dating?  You spent a lot of pleasant time wining and dining out, although the “wining” part consisted of diet cola. Then you got married and the wining and dining continued but the setting shifted to your home. In the next stage, when your baby began to feed herself, wining and dining was suspended and replaced with you trying to eat while repeatedly refilling your baby’s fork or spoon, or just p …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

September 23rd, 2019

Often in therapy you are educating the client to adopt a different perspective. One aspect to logoeducation is teaching the client to put the spotlight on meanings and values, rather than on one’s self-concerns. Self-absorption is very much of a therapeutic issue.  People who are depressed are self-absorbed. People who are paying excessive attention to themselves are incapable of getting over their stage fright. And so on.    …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 17th, 2019

Appreciate Your Grocer – Parshat Ki Tavo I am sometimes astounded by what is 'hiding in plain sight'. (Through a quick search on the internet, I found at least three different books with that title.) I remember the first time I learned the concept with the "watch test".* And I am surprised time and again how I get caught overlooking these things. So it was with a passage in this week's parsha, Parshat Ki Tavo. I have read and reread the sa …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

September 15th, 2019

The three phases of therapy are diagnosis, therapy and follow-up. In the first phase, diagnosis, the therapist asks lots of questions and identifies the problem. Gathering information helps to formulate a plan of what to do. The down side is that the same questions that give the therapist a better picture of the problem actually adds to the client’s despair and depression. The reason for this is that the client has been thinking obsessively …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

September 10th, 2019

I’ve heard people say that you are not allowed to question Hashem. I never understood that. When Hashem told Avraham Aveinu that Hashem was planning to destroy Sodom and its neighboring cities, Avraham asked Hashem a series of questions. When Hashem make the sivlos Mitzraim even worse after Moshe Rabeinu’s first encounter with Pharoah, Moshe asked questions of Hashem. I understand that we are not on the darga of Avraham or Moshe, but …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

September 9th, 2019

There is power to our choices. The Talmud describes a perspective of wisdom, of prophecy and of God on what happens to the sinner. Firstly, what is a sin? Tradition teaches that it is like shooting an arrow at a target and missing the mark. We are endowed as human beings with the desire for greatness, and instead we act shamefully. We are endowed with the desire to be helpful and instead we are hurtful. We want to empower and we dis-empower. We w …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

September 1st, 2019

Logotherapy could be called a training program in how to listen to the voice of conscience. More to the point, it trains you to hear the voice that comes through conscience. You are at every moment in a dialogue with life, or consider it a dialogue with God. The role of the Logotherapist is to facilitate the dialogue that conscience hears. The questions that the Logotherapist asks are actually questions that the client needs to ask him or herself …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

September 1st, 2019

These song lyrics from 1975 resonated with me: To those of us who knew the pain…
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball. They described my life from ten years earlier. Never being chosen for basketball, baseball, or anything else, was painful for me but I wouldn’t consider it being bullied. Being punched in the gut while on line at the lunchroom, being mocked, being called names, being …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

August 26th, 2019

I have just spent an intensive week at the Internal Compass music festival. One of the things I learned from Henrique Eisenman, a musician from Brazil was ‘You don’t need to play in order for the music to exist.’ Music exists in an inner space and an outer space. For example, you can play a melody repeatedly and feel it reverberating in your head. Alternatively you can hear a melody in your head first and then play it. You have …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

August 19th, 2019

We’ve all heard the expression, “Think Outside of the Box.”  Have you ever wondered what box this refers to? The primordial box was not metaphorical. It was a specific box in the form of a two-dimensional square. “Sam Loyd's Cyclopedia of 5000 Puzzles, Tricks, and Conundrums (With Answers)” originally published in 1914, includes (it’s still in print!) a puzzle known as the 'Nine Dots Puzzle' which was pose …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

August 19th, 2019

Do you know how long ago there was a technology upgrade in my school? It was in 1962!  Our blackboard and white chalk had a tech upgrade to greenboard and yellow chalk.  Conventional wisdom says that happened when it was discovered that yellow on green is easier to read than white on black.  Apparently the makers of highway entrance and exit signs agree.  Interestingly, an article in the October 2016 issue of The Atlantic sugg …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

August 12th, 2019

One of the frequently asked questions in Logotherapy is: How do you know what is the right question to ask? There is a case cited by Elizabeth Lukas in her book Meaning in Suffering of an 18-year-old girl who, due to a medical condition appears to be 12 years old. As soon as Lukas met the girl and addressed her as ‘young lady,’ the girl picked up an ashtray from the table and angrily threw it across the room. This was yet another indi …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 8th, 2019

Multifaceted Mourning – Parshat Devarim The word mourning usually conjures up sadness, grief, depression, loneliness and other feelings which are unpleasant (I don’t like to call feelings 'bad' – but that’s for another blog). The period of mourning also brings up memories. Those memories will be pleasant, bitter, bittersweet or even neutral. Each period of mourning will be different for different people – even withi …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

August 4th, 2019

After my article “Meaning in Loss” I was asked: “I like the part in the article where you explain that ‘it was meant to be’ is not in line with Frankl's theory. However, do religious people usually say ‘It was meant to be,’ in the sense that it was G-d's will?” One of the ways to find meaning in suffering is to adopt a philosophy that frames the situation from a higher perspective. However, while s …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 31st, 2019

Dear Therapist: What qualifies something as an addiction? My brother plays video games all day. Does that make him an addict? My mother shops all day. Is she addicted to shopping? It seems like the word addiction gets thrown around a lot these days but when is it really a true thing and when is it just an excuse for continuing behavior that you don't want to stop? I get that cigarettes, alcohol and the like are considered addicting but are we to …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

July 28th, 2019

Logotherapy helps people with philosophical problems that impact their life. For example: How do people deal philosophically with the problem of loss? One may deal with their pain by embracing a new reality with an attitude of ‘It was meant to be.’ If you are one of those people, you might not agree with Frankl’s formulation of the tension that is felt between what ‘is’ and what ‘ought not to be.’ In suff …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 25th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am writing this letter with great difficulty. I am a Holocaust survivor who had two children. One of them died of serious illness. My second child was showered with everything. He has not visited me in years because since I am widowed I am on a limited income and he feels should be getting more money from me. My son has never worked as he claims he is always learning. His spouse earns over one hundred thousand dollars a year and …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

July 23rd, 2019

And Miriam chanted for them ‘Sing to the Lord, for He has triumphed gloriously.’ (Exodus 15:21) The word va'ta'an, translated as ‘chanted’, is used in modern Hebrew to mean ‘answered.’ However, in this context, no one is asking Miriam a question. Rather, something profound has just occurred. A nation of slaves has miraculously been redeemed, and now, just as the Egyptian army is in hot pursuit and all seems to …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

July 21st, 2019

I’ve read that when you are angry at your child you should take a deep breath and count to ten before you say anything.  Every time I’m about to tell my child what she did wrong, I stop, take a deep breath, and count to ten.  After I’ve done all that, I say the exact same thing in the same angry voice that I was going to say to begin with.  What’s the point of breathing and counting when I end up the same, R …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 18th, 2019

Dear Therapist: It is scary to hear about kids/teenagers who looked like they were fine but were really suffering emotionally or dealing with very difficult issues that no one was aware of. My friend’s daughter, who is now older, recently told her that she was dealing with some serious depressive thoughts as a teen but had kept it all in and pretended to be happy on the outside. Is it possible that something as significant as depression can …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 18th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Our 11-year-old son is going to sleepaway camp for the first time this summer. While he is excited about this he has always had difficulty adjusting to new situations and environments. Meaning he has a bit of an anxious personality. That being the case we are wondering if you have any advice as to how to "prevent" homesickness? What can we do to best prepare him for his first sleepaway experience? I also wonder what you think of m …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 18th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I work as a social worker in a New York area hospital. I work closely with patients and families of some very sick people. I love what I do and wouldn't trade it for anything. Every year, around the same time (early summer) my anxiety about becoming ill really ratchets up. I have discussed this with supervisors and fellow clinicians and have come to understand this as being something that comes along with the territory of my job b …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 18th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I have this "thing" where I get filled with extreme rage, frustration, and hate from hearing certain sounds like chewing loud, slurping, whistling, wiggling of feet, snoring... These sounds drive me crazy to the point where I need to leave the room or I might just yell at the person causing the trigger. People think I'm just finicky and I have to learn to deal with these noises. When I mentioned this to a friend, they said it soun …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 18th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My husband and I are faced with the following situation and we're stumped as to what to tell our children. Our family was always very close to my parents in law and their children at home. My father in law is a controlling person. He thinks the world is against him. He doesn't talk to most of his married kids because he thinks they don't "hold" of him. My husband and I are close to the married siblings. My father in law recently …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 18th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder as a teenager and have been on medication since then. While I am doing well and have not had any episodes in a long time I have not been successful in work or in shidduchim. I feel that the medication stifles my personality and makes me less of who I really am. I have discussed this with my psychiatrist, but he just tries to push me off. I think I am ready to move off my medication and move o …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 18th, 2019

Dear Therapist: A few months ago, I bought out my partner who I started my business with. B’H things have gone better than I could have ever imagined. Recently, however, I have become very overwhelmed trying to stay on top of the growth of the company. I have mentioned to some friends and family how I have been feeling and I am met with a lot of flak for complaining about something that is a positive thing. I understand that, but …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 18th, 2019

Dear Therapist: As everyone not living under a rock is aware, there has recently been an outbreak of measles in the frum community. While most of you are not medical doctors I was hoping you can help me from a psychological perspective. How can it be that something like vaccines that are considered safe and necessary by 99.9 percent of the medical community and somehow people have a cramp in their head against it? How are we to understa …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 18th, 2019

Numbers…Numbers…Numbers – Parshat Pinchas 100,000. Its just a number. So are 7, 613, 3.14159, and 17. Yet each  (99,998) of these numbers have special significance in their own context.1 What is significant about 100,000? For me, today, it is a personal connection. As I write these lines, I am privileged to be approaching a plateau of 100,000 people who have come in to read this blog over the years. (99,999). It is a …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 11th, 2019

"He Ain't Heavy…"* – Parshat Balak "He Ain't Heavy…He's my brother". These are famous lyrics from a 1969 song by The Hollies. The tale is told of a young Scottish girl carrying a young boy and obviously laboring under his weight. When a minister saw her along the way and asked her if it was too much for her to carry, she reportedly answered: "He ain't heavy, Mr. He's my brother." This beautiful song has been the anthem and the …
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Author: Evan Steele

July 9th, 2019

The question of why I don’t have a private practice feels ever present.  I have answers…some good, some not as good.  Truthfully, as my LIU students who have been subjected to my professional hashkafic mussar shmuezim can attest, I struggle with the larger picture, not only of mental health in the frum community, but the even larger picture of tzarus in the frum community. It is self-evident that there is no shortage of pro …
5 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 21st, 2019

It Really is Up to Us – Parshat Shelach Having just returned from the 22nd World Congress on Logotherapy, I am excited about all that I learned, the people I met and the topics presented. The meeting of minds and challenging each other to achieve greater understanding, even when agreeing on the basic premise, was exciting. It is no surprise, then, that it took almost no time to find an outstanding search for meaning in this week's pars …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

June 16th, 2019

I recently received a phone call from a friend.  She began by saying “this is a nachas call.” Since all of my children and grandchildren live in New York and my friend lives in Israel I was puzzled.  How could she be calling me with a nachas call when she hasn’t seen any of my family in over a year? She proceeded to explain the nachas.  It was about me and my book. My friend said she had given a copy of my book to …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

June 16th, 2019

Most parents are very careful when choosing a cheder, Yeshiva, Bais Yaakov, or Bais HaMedrash for their each of their children, al pi darcho.  They want to see and experience the saviva, the atmosphere created in the classroom, the nature and personality of the Rebbe or Morah, and the overall hashkafa of the school.  Ideally, they observe the instructor in action, how he or she presents material and their demeanor towards their students …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 24th, 2019

Meaninglessness as a Curse – Parshat Bechukotai I've been writing this blog for almost 5 years. I am not surprised that I have been able to successfully find* meaning hints in every parsha a few times over.1 What is surprising is that it is sometimes so blatant that it cannot be ignored. The Torah values meaning in life. It exhorts you to find meaning and live by it2 and it does not tolerate when you deter others from their meaning.3 Howeve …
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