Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 22nd, 2020

You Can Always Dance – Parshat Bamidbar  Much has been written about the challenges facing the human race during this corona episode. We are slowly and hesitatingly coming out of lockdown and seeing if we will be able to retain the lowering of the curve. I certainly join with those praying for the welfare of the entire human race in stemming the outbreak of this virus. These challenges relate to us no matter our socio-economic status, …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

May 20th, 2020

Fear of God generates courage. Yet, it is still called fear. People put their foot on the brake when the sign warns of a speed trap because they don’t want to get a ticket. In Jewish tradition, this is called fear of punishment. It is viewed as a lower spiritual level because it is egocentric. The driver would not be afraid if he didn’t think a camera was filming him. Even without a camera, knowing that someone is watching stops you. …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 15th, 2020

Regaining Lost Worth – Parshat Behar-Bechukotai No matter how long the first 8 innings of a baseball game last, or what the score is, there is always a sense of anticipation entering the ninth inning. Will the losing team make a comeback? After all, there have been teams who scored 7 runs in the bottom of the ninth to win a game. There is always a buildup to the end. As Yogi Berra was quoted as saying, "it aint over til its over." The end o …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

May 13th, 2020

If you had an intentional choice to make, would you choose fear? A Talmudic source believes that fear is the basis for our healthy choices.   An angel by the name of Layla is appointed over pregnancy. The angel takes a drop [of semen], holds it up before the Creator and says ‘Master of the Universe, what will become of this drop: courageous or weak, wise or foolish, rich or poor?’ The angel does not say ‘evil or righteous,& …
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Author: Chaya Feuerman, LCSW-R Trauma IFS EMDR Therapist

May 10th, 2020

Trauma and Tevila Trauma is subjective and intimate to each person. This discussion will focus on cultivating sensitivity and attunement to trauma suffered by women at the mikvah, in the past, present as well as at the mikvah itself. There is no “antibody” test for trauma, to know by looking at someone, what she has been through, how it has affected her, or how it will in the future and to what degree. That is why mikvah leader …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 8th, 2020

So What is Logotherapy? Parshat Emor I have been writing this blog for about 5 years always succeeding (sometime more sometimes less) to find a passuk which sheds light on our own particular paths to meaning. Each blog has a thought, idea, revelation from the weekly parsha which also resonates closely with the work of Doctor Viktor Frankl and logotherapy. Yet I just realized that I have never put forth even a basic explanation of the fundamental …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

May 6th, 2020

Why does choice matter? It is only because we are free to choose that we are held accountable for our choices. If we have no choice in our actions then there is no such thing as crime and we might as well let all the prisoners go free. As a society we assume that when someone chooses wrongly they could have chosen rightly.   What kind of power is the power of choice?   See, I set before you this day life and prosperity, death and adver …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

April 29th, 2020

My newly organized music jamming group was interrupted when the ministry of health banned social gatherings. My daughter gave birth but I could not visit my newborn grandchild. Everyone has similar stories. There is a saying in Yiddish ‘Man plans and God laughs.’ This is the year of disrupted plans. Disrupted plans cast doubt on our freedom of choice. Someone builds a house and it’s swept away by a tsunami. A newly certified pr …
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Author: Chaya Feuerman, LCSW-R Trauma IFS EMDR Therapist

April 28th, 2020

You lost your baby. You’re no longer pregnant. It’s a long story. You don’t want to talk about it. The doctors. The Rabbis. The Dayan. They all said you had to do it. You can’t talk about it. Nobody knows what really happened. Your husband refuses to talk to you about the baby. He doesn’t want you to bring it up ever again. You must move on. Everyone tells you if you get pregnant again you’ll forget about this …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

April 26th, 2020

There is a phrase and there is a word that should set off alarms in your yetzer hatov. The phrase is nisht oif Shabbos geredt.  The word is “Who?” nisht oif Shabbos geredt is usually followed by saying something you know you shouldn’t be saying on Shabbos.  “Who” is often followed by rechilus. Various abuses of our unique gift of language are listed in the al chait.  Here are some examples: Bitui sifos …
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Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

April 23rd, 2020

Hello Trauma Survivor, As we both know, you’re not a stranger to chaos, you’ve been through loss, fear, panic, dread and being on-edge for some or most of your life. With the recent pandemic, coronavirus, you realize the world is in a state of trauma. Yes, it is a trauma, and a valid one. You look around and you see the world panicking, freaking out, or some being in utter denial, and you roll your eyes inside.  They just don' …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

April 23rd, 2020

Do you feel like your life is going where you want it to? Do you believe that your past experience makes change impossible? Establishing freedom of choice is the first step towards spiritual and emotional and progress. Inner change depends on inner freedom. How do you know you have freedom of choice? For Viktor Frankl choice is self-evident. Actually only two types of people maintain that their will is not free; schizophrenic patients suffering f …
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Author: Lili Bernstein (Goralnick), LCSW-R

April 22nd, 2020

  She was larger than life in every way. She was loud, towering and intimidating. 500lb of full-time drama. The secretaries in the clinic would run and hide. Heaven help us all if the water cooler was empty. Heaven help me if I was 2 minutes late.  The abandonment wound she carried was gaping, and even the smallest slight was a knife in that wound for her. But only I understood that. I knew her way beyond the drama. I knew her stor …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 17th, 2020

 Routinely Changing Routine - Parshat Shemini It's just a flu. It's also a lot more. The coronavirus has challenged many assumptions – societal, personal, political, economic and more. It has challenged people who have experienced social distancing in so many ways. Some people have lost their livelihood and at this point no one can say when it will return. Due to this, some have for the first time in their lives had to ask for financia …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

April 16th, 2020

We are being challenged today at a fast pace to change our habits and our lifestyle. It feels a little bit like being an adolescent again, being imposed upon by stifling rules that cause me to declare with an impudent tone ‘Why should I?’ The truth is, it is a legitimate question. Why should I sacrifice my comfort? Why should I invest time and effort? I have to have a good reason. Sometimes all we want is pity. We want to complain. We …
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Author: Chaya Feuerman, LCSW-R Trauma IFS EMDR Therapist

April 12th, 2020

Trauma takes many forms. Many people are blocked from living life as their best Selves due to past or present traumatic experiences. Some people don't even recognize that their experiences have traumatized them and are the cause of difficulties in how they respond to life's stressors including their relationships. Traumatic events are frightening and often the terror resides in survivors long after the trauma is over. Trauma shakes …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 7th, 2020

Cleaning House - Pesach I'm trying to write this blog without discussing the corona virus. I've already failed. I have been surprised by how much this virus has imposed itself not only on our physical health but on our mental health, our financial health and our societal health. Life goes on. We are preparing for Pesach while trying to maintain our sanity and mental health as well (which is enough of a challenge during a regular year). There are …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

April 2nd, 2020

In my previous article, I alluded to a tefilah that gives us 44 antidotes to the machala afflicting the world today. That tefilah is called Al Chait.  The occasions on which it is said are Yom Kippur and your wedding day.  We say Al Chait on those days in order to ask Hashem to wipe our slate clean so that we can begin anew at these turning points in our lives. The word anew is defined as in a new or different and typically more positiv …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 1st, 2020

Learning from Isolation – Parshat Tzav Many are bemoaning the government-imposed isolation during these days of COVID-19. "It isn’t fair. It won't help. It's too hard. How will I manage with the kids? In White Russia they're not doing it." There is so much conversation, confusion and convoluted conspiracy theories flying around that it is hard to make sense and get answers to the real questions and concerns we have. Isolation is perha …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

April 1st, 2020

The most empowering self-perception is that you are a spiritual being. Believing that you are more than your body and your psychological mechanisms implies belief in your ability to reason, to have mastery over yourself and your environment, to discern and to choose wisely. You think about yourself. You reach for higher values and you know that everything you do matters. Having the perception that you were created in the divine image, you recogni …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: We live out of town and do not get a chance to see much of our extended family that often. A highlight of our year is the Yomim Tovim where we travel to our children. The thought of being home all alone for Yom Tov is just so sad for me. Baruch Hashem I get along with my husband but I was so looking forward to Yom Tov with the delicious grandchildren. I know that there are people that are sick and tha …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: I am currently in self isolation on my doctor’s recommendation due to being exposed to COVID-19. Unfortunately, many others are currently  in the same situation and many more will be in the coming weeks. I am basically alone in my room (so as not to expose the rest of my family) for at least another 5 days. Others I know need to remain in their homes with their families. What advice and guidance can you give me and othe …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: Any suggestions with coping for the tremendous amount of stress that coronavirus is adding to our lives? The constant stream of contradictory information from doctors, the hysteria of the media, and the genuine concern regarding what seems to be a serious problem is undeniably taking up alot of emotional space in my life.  Any recommendations?   Response: As far as specific information regarding COVID-19 is concerned, yo …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: My son started dorming in an out of town yeshiva this year. While he had tremendous growth in ruchniyus during the year, I am worried that his personality has been affected somewhat. He appears much more quiet and serious than his former care-free and humorous self. My husband says that this is a normal stage that bochurim go through when trying to find where they stand in the balance between a rigorous be …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: It can be sad to see all the different issues people are facing in the area of mental health. I wonder if, lekavod Purim, you could each share a short success story from your practice about how someone was able to reach their goals and enhance their lives?   Response: To preserve confidentiality, I cannot refer to specifics. However, I think that most therapists would agree that their successes tend to make all thei …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: Thank you for the invaluable awareness that you raise in our community. I have been in therapy to address anxiety. After much therapeutic work, I have become aware that I had been provided with misinformation in kallah classes that had negative effects on the health of my marriage. Upon further research in the mental health field and extensive consultations with rabbanim, I learned that this is unfortunately prevale …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: What is the correct way to teach children not to bite? Our 4-year-old has been having this issue. When I was a kid, we were threatened with getting pepper on our tongue, getting soap in our mouths, or being bit back ourselves (so you know what it feels like). My sense is these ideas don’t fly today. Or do they? It can really hurt the other kids. Do you have any better ideas?   Response: The three remedies to which you r …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: My husband and I recently became estranged from our daughter.  She is angry at us for what she perceives we have done her wrong. She was able to convince her brother, with whom we had good relations till then, that we are people who should be avoided. Both my daughter and my son forbade their children from having contact with me and my husband.  I used to have very close relationships with both families, and I am bereft …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: What can I do to help my child express his emotions better? Most of my kids young and old don’t have any problems discussing issues, how they feel, or expressing emotion but my 8-year-old just doesn’t seem to have the vocabulary to describe how he feels. He seems to get “stuck” when it comes to emotions. Overall, he is a great kid who does well in school and with friends; it’s when it comes to things …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: Our 20-year-old son insists that no one understands him. This is not in a bitter way; rather he seems to think that everything about him is so deep and complex that no matter how we respond he still thinks we don’t get it. We have been extremely patient with him and spent a lot of time listening and validating but, for whatever reason, he still thinks we just can’t understand him. He will give lengthy ha …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: I have a few small children, the oldest of whom is six years old, who can be quite difficult. My husband often threatens them, jokingly, with all sorts of physical punishments for their behavior, some mild and others outrageous. He says it is a harmless way to let off some of his stress. I am concerned about the effects of this on their psychological development. I know how literal little kids are, and I see the expressions on the …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: Can you please share your opinion on whether it is possible to be "cured" from an addiction? If someone had an addiction and had treatment are they ok now or is this something they will struggle with for the rest of their lives? I ask specifically because it's nogeah a business partner who wants to come back in the business now but when he was struggling caused the business significant harm. He is a good friend and a tal …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: My husband had a rough childhood. His parents were very "old school" and harsh and critical. This has led to a general lack of confidence and low self-esteem which is prevalent in everything he does (or doesn't do). He has been in therapy for two years and says that he finds it very beneficial. However, as an outside observer, I don't really see any change other than him creating a narrative for his problems. He understands why he …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 27th, 2020

Corona's Creative Calling – Parshat Vayikra OR Yes I'm Writing About Corona When we want to start a conversation with someone, we usually call them first to get their attention. We call their name, we ring their telephone, we send an email or any other of a now-myriad of methods to contact someone. When we get the person's attention, then we can start talking whether to deliver a message, get some information or simply to connect with someo …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

March 26th, 2020

Three women are on line at Glatt Savings.  Woman X observes the cashier carefully placing her groceries into bags based on weight, refrigeration, and fragility.  She smiles at the cashier and says thank you.  The cashier smiles back. Woman Y observes the cashier carefully placing her groceries into bags based on weight, refrigeration, and fragility.  She says to herself, “that’s what she’s getting paid for,&r …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

March 25th, 2020

How do you see yourself? Does your self-image empower you or dis-empower you? Logotherapy is based on what makes us uniquely human, including our ability to think about the meaning of our life, choose our attitude towards situations, focus outside our self and respond to what life is asking of us. We can further deepen our understanding of what it means to be human by looking at the Biblical creation story. Man was created in the ‘image of …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

March 19th, 2020

What does your child do when she can’t fall asleep at night? She gets out of bed repeatedly.  She says she’s hungry, or thirsty, or too hot, or too cold, or it’s too noisy, or it’s too quiet, or she’s not tired, or something else.  It’s always something. What do you say to her? I will let her get a drink, but no food.  If she says it’s too hot I’ll crack open her window.  If she …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 19th, 2020

From Social Isolation to Togetherness – Parshat Vayakhel-Pekudei It would be an understatement to say that these are trying times. A tiny virus measured in nanometers has created a pandemic. People around the world are in self-quarantine. People around the world have gotten sick. And, yes, people around the world have died from this virus. It is a somber time. We live with a sense of uncertainty as to our fate, the fate of our communit …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

March 18th, 2020

Understandably, a lot of people are anxious today. Alongside the challenges of quarantine, isolation and fear a little virus is reminding us to drop our illusion of control and to come together to make a world a better place. Now we know that we are all in the same boat. The main focus in logotherapy for overcoming stress and anxiety is attitude and perspective. We tend to downplay the role of perspective in change, preferring to look for tools a …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

March 15th, 2020

The following true story is reprinted from an article by Rabbi Yitzie Ross, a columnist and 4th grade rebbe.  It is reprinted with his kind permission.   A boy who is in 2nd grade won a donut from his Rebbe on Sunday [two weeks before Pesach].  He had answered a very difficult question in class and was on cloud nine. When his mother came for pickup, he ran over with his donut and a huge smile.  Before he could explain, his mot …
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