Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 19th, 2020

From Social Isolation to Togetherness – Parshat Vayakhel-Pekudei It would be an understatement to say that these are trying times. A tiny virus measured in nanometers has created a pandemic. People around the world are in self-quarantine. People around the world have gotten sick. And, yes, people around the world have died from this virus. It is a somber time. We live with a sense of uncertainty as to our fate, the fate of our communit …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

March 18th, 2020

Understandably, a lot of people are anxious today. Alongside the challenges of quarantine, isolation and fear a little virus is reminding us to drop our illusion of control and to come together to make a world a better place. Now we know that we are all in the same boat. The main focus in logotherapy for overcoming stress and anxiety is attitude and perspective. We tend to downplay the role of perspective in change, preferring to look for tools a …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

March 15th, 2020

The following true story is reprinted from an article by Rabbi Yitzie Ross, a columnist and 4th grade rebbe.  It is reprinted with his kind permission.   A boy who is in 2nd grade won a donut from his Rebbe on Sunday [two weeks before Pesach].  He had answered a very difficult question in class and was on cloud nine. When his mother came for pickup, he ran over with his donut and a huge smile.  Before he could explain, his mot …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 13th, 2020

A Corona Wedding – Parshat Ki Tissa Or Sports as a Corona Metaphor The current outbreak of COVID–19, better known as coronavirus, has caused a lot of concern, anxiety and uncertainty. This virus has become the main topic of conversation – even outperforming sports and politics. How we behave on a personal level during this outbreak says more about us than it does about how the governments are handling the crisis. After all, as s …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

March 8th, 2020

Do not hate your fellow in your heart. Reprove your friend but have no guilt because of him.  (Vayikra 19:17) Why does the Torah use the term, amisecha, your friend? According to the Ben Ish Chai, it is because when you correct your friend, you risk losing him as a friend.  You might think that you should refrain from rebuking him so as not to damage the love and replace it with hate.  We have been taught that that love is very imp …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

March 8th, 2020

You should consider every person a robber and honor him the way you honor Rabban Gamliel. (Derech Eretz Rabbah, chapter 5)   The wording is slightly different in Kallah Rabati chapter 9: You should suspect every person of being a robber.   Kallah Rabati continues: Is this true?  Doesn’t the Mishna (Avos 2:4) say,”Don’t judge your friend until you have arrived at his place,” i.e. until you understand him well …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

March 8th, 2020

בס"ד THE FOLLOWING IS PURIM TORAH The Results Are In! Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC   The Results Are In! I recently polled my readers to find out what they think of the Nachos Notes column. They both said they like it!   A Medrash Pliah I have figured out the famous Medrash Pliah on Parshas Noah: They’re gone because 2 came but had more than three. It means two unicorns came to the Taivah but they had more than 3 ounces …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 6th, 2020

Upside-down Shaatnez – Parshat Tetzaveh Have you ever had a time where what you thought about a topic turned out to be the opposite of what you thought? Like when Pluto stopped being a planet or when you found out that a baseball team was caught cheating. Or in a positive direction, you may have thought that all cancer couldn’t be cured and found out that there are cancers which react well to treatment. I had that kind of experience w …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 28th, 2020

Can Humans be Divine? - Parshat Terumah (Shemot 25:1-27:19) Some concepts I just don’t understand. The idea of God fitting himself into a Mishkan is beyond my ability to understand. And I'm actually okay with that. I know that there are things which I don’t understand. Im not talking about calculus either, although maybe even that. This concept is much higher. But it is really okay (mostly). So what’s the deal with the Mishkan? …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

February 24th, 2020

I remember one thing about my first day in Hebrew School.  The Rabbi asked me for my Hebrew name.  I said I didn’t know.  He said, “it’s the name your parents call you when they speak Jewish.  My face lit up and I confidently answered, ”Shaina Panim.” The Rabbi was not as confident about that response.  He suggested that I ask my parents when I got home and let him know what they said.  …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 21st, 2020

Conformity. Good or Bad? – Parshat Mishpatim      Isn’t conformism another way of saying that majority rules? Is it then really that bad? Our democratic institutions are based on that ideal. But is it always true? How about individualism? Conformism, says Doctor Viktor Frankl,is often an outgrowth of what he calls Existential Vacuum.1 Is that a new concept in physics or an electrical appliance? Obviously not. Let m …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

February 16th, 2020

Have you ever been awakened in the middle of the night by a small human being whispering directly into your ear, “DAD.”  I did, over 40 years ago, and I’ll never forget it! Have you ever seen and heard food hurtling across a fifteen foot room from the mouth of a sick child? Have you ever felt absolutely helpless to help another person who is intensely upset and you have no idea why? Have you ever seen fantastic creatures an …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

February 9th, 2020

Some years ago, a couple came to meet with me.  They sat down and introduced themselves.  I asked them what they would like to talk about.  The husband smiled and said, “I am a baal kaas [an angry person].”  His wife nodded. I asked, “What makes you think so?” He gave me an example.  He said that when he is behind a car at a red light, when the light turns green he blows his horn loud and long if t …
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Author: Allan J. Katz LPC/CSAT

February 4th, 2020

How To Make Yourself and Others a Priority in a world of indifference, impulsivity and distraction February 4, 2020   To keep your relationship brimming with love in the loving cup. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it. Whenever you’re right, shut up. – Ogden Nash   1. If you can agree on what constitutes a clean kitchen, you can agree on anything. Most of my clients argue over the most minute details and the import …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

February 2nd, 2020

If an emotion is written all over someone's face, it is clear to you what they are feeling. Or is it. And Yosef came to them in the morning and he saw them and they were zoe-afim. And he asked…why are your faces ra-im today? (Braishis 40:6-7) Rashi writes that zoe-afim means atzavim, as in “angry and enraged,” “I will bear the anger of Hashem.”  (citing M’lachim I 20:43 and Michah 7:9) We sometimes descri …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 31st, 2020

The Real Plague of Darkness – Parshat Bo There have been times while writing this blog when I was concerned that perhaps a time would come when I would no longer see new ideas to write about in the parsha. Thankfully, I have been surprised over and over to the point where I feel that I am led to believe that I will never run out of topics from the parsha to share. During the plague of darkness, the Torah tells us that it was soooo dark ( ho …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

January 26th, 2020

When your child was in the cradle, you spent a lot of time with her.  She would call out to you and no matter what you were doing, you put everything else aside to spend time with her when she wanted you.  You knew how much you meant to her and you were there for her. Sadly, as infants grow into children and children into teenagers, many parents think they don’t mean that much to their children or teens any more.  That is a m …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 17th, 2020

Who is This? Really? – Parshat Shemot People have personal names, surnames, nicknames, childhood names, pet names, and perhaps more as well. We choose which name to use based on the context of where we are, who we are with, what impression I am trying to make, if at all, when it is and why I am meeting this person. Sometimes names are assigned to us. Or numbers (noting the 75th anniversary of the liberation of the Auschwitz death camp this …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

January 16th, 2020

The following story is fictitious and realistic. Many couples come to me to discuss their children. Grifa and Katima Kohl came to me to talk about their parents.  They said that whenever either set of their children’s grandparents comes for Shabbos, the household gets heated and stirred up.  I asked the Kohls to give me an example of how their home goes into turmoil when grandparents are there for Shabbos. For some reason, my pare …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

January 12th, 2020

The weed of crime bears bitter fruit; crime does not pay. Who knew? Actually, there’s not a shadow of a doubt that for many people crime does pay.  That’s why there are so many crimes committed, because most of the time, crime pays.  The perpetrator gets away with it. What are the odds of getting caught?  According to the FBI, not very high. Let’s look at the numbers. In 2017, violent crime resulted in an arrest 4 …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

January 12th, 2020

The last four long-term strategies for connecting with conscience are humility, learning from experience, self-examination and self-worth. Conscience is the awareness that we are we are called by life. We are given a task by virtue of the situations we find ourselves in, moment by moment. These four strategies build a growing perceptiveness. Humility brings the awareness that I am here for a reason that is not of my own making. Therefore, I can u …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 10th, 2020

Need for Control – Parshat Vayechi Famous Viennese psychiatrist, Alfred Adler (1870-1937), declared that the primary motivation of human behavior is the drive for control.1 We grow as children with an inferiority complex, he explained, that we seek to overcome through increased self-confidence and control as we mature. Many people recognize this complex in themselves and can appreciate Adler for his work in sharing this insight with us. Ye …
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Author: Lili Bernstein (Goralnick), LCSW-R

January 8th, 2020

Gelly??!!". I shouted into the phone. It was about 11 p.m. and the sirens had finally died down.   I had figured it was a menorah fire, but I glanced into YWN when the sirens weren’t stopping. TERROR IN MONSEY screamed back at me. I called my dear friend and colleague Gelly Asovsky straightaway.  "It's our turn, Lil!   What's the plan?" "Straight into the storm, Gelly. I know the Rebbe and I'm calling the Gabbai tom …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

January 6th, 2020

What do you really mean when you say: It doesn’t matter? "l had really wanted to go to the vort tonight, but if you really need me to stay home l will; it doesn't matter." "l had really wanted to go to the shiur tonight, but if you really need me to stay home I will; it doesn't matter." "l had really wanted to go to the Tehilim group tonight, but if you need me to stay home I will; it doesn't matter." What is the "it" that doesn't matter? I …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 3rd, 2020

Being In the Moment – Parshat Vayigash I really like New Age ideas. I find them refreshing, or, if not, at least challenging to my way of thinking and believing. Either way it is good. Yet many ideas which seem to be New Age ideas often have a biblical source. So, too, with the title of this blog – 'being in the moment'. It is a wonderful challenge to be able to put stuff aside and just be. With practice, it becomes easier. Though, I …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

December 31st, 2019

Mechanics work on cars made on an assembly line.  Those cars are made to specification and each one must meet those specifications precisely. This has been the case since December 1, 1913, the day mass production began at the Ford Motor Company.  It is still how cars are made today, but the way mechanics work on those cars has changed dramatically over recent decades. In 1969 I got my first car, a 1965 Buick.  It had amenities you …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

December 29th, 2019

The ninth strategy for connecting with conscience is to think critically and have humility. We learn this strategy from the rabbis who codified Jewish law. For them, it was not a strategy. It was a way of life. The rabbis of the Talmud, intellectual and spiritual giants, engaged in heated debates over the fine points of the law in order to get to the truth. They examined every possible angle because truth is always bigger than what one person can …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 27th, 2019

The Chicken or the Egg or the Chicken…. – Parshat Miketz This age-old question has at times fascinated me and at times bored me. Similar questions about cause and effect also intrigued me as welll as turned me off. So it was with particular interest that I heard a short lecture about the end of Yosef's imprisonment that reminded me of this question. I had until recently understood that due to Paroh's dreams of the cows and the grain …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease 3 years ago. This is devastating for the entire family to say the least. We are very worried about my mother. She herself is getting on in age and she spends her whole day busy taking care of my father. We are worried for her health and her sanity. We offer as a family to have some of the kids or grand-kids take over and give her a break but she almost always refuses. She seems to …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My 16-year-old son has a slight learning disability and has never really been able to sit still all day. Now he is in mesivta from 7:30 am until 8:30 pm. He is not doing well in yeshiva and his menahel suggested that we take him to therapy. I am not sure what/how that can possibly help. It isn't a mental health issue but more likely he just isn't cut out for his schedule. Do you think therapy would benefit him? How coul …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Hi. We'd like your guidance regarding a challenging aspect of our 15 year old son. Our son b”h has above average maalos. He's a shtark yeshiva bachur, ehrlich, intelligent, articulate, and good-looking. He's musical, writes incredible stories and has a sense of humor. The challenge: he doesn't know how to properly regulate frustration/unmet expectations/dealing with things he disagrees with. When he gets upset, he has no co …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 31st, 2020

Dear Therapist: My children (aged 3 to 13) are bh very capable and responsible. For some reason, in my presence they become very needy. I find that I need to absent myself from the room for them to function adequately. For example, I'll serve supper and make sure everyone has what they need and then go do laundry. If I stay in the room, they'll be "Mommy, it’s not fair!" and " Mommy, I don't like this" the whole time. If I am not …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Recently a “nebach” has started frequenting our shul. He seems to be homeless, does not properly care for himself and clearly has serious psychological issues. He also talks to himself (or someone else that only he can see). Sometimes kids hang out around him, sometimes teasing him, but mostly he keeps to himself. Trying to get what he can at kiddush and shalosh seudos. I wonder how one can tell if someone like this i …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Our 16 year old son is a good kid but not really cut out for learning and struggles in yeshiva. Because of this we try and give him some extra space and don’t pressure him too much. We allow him and his friends to hang out in our house, on the porch, in the basement, etc. because we figure it’s better that we keep an eye on him. Recently he and his friends have taken up smoking hookah. We aren’t thrilled about t …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am a 46-year-old woman and recently lost my mother, who I was so close with. I am getting on with my life but it has been hard and my moods have been up and down. Recently a friend told me that when she lost her father and was having a difficult time she was told by a close mentor that "sadness and self-pity are selfish and self-centered" and that in order to really heal she needed to focus on doing acts of kindness for other p …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My husband has been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. He is also overweight and has slightly high blood pressure. He is on medication to help with these issues but his doctors keep emphasizing that he needs to eat healthily and exercise in order to really control these problems and prevent dangerous complications. I have been a dutiful wife and been preparing healthy meals for him. He eats those but will sneak unhealthy food at oth …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I have never been what you would call a "disciplined" person. I have always been jealous of those that kept their daily chavrusos so consistently and daven at 6:30 every morning. I can't say I am an unsuccessful person and bh I do well but I am a bit all over the place. My question is: Is this something I can learn and develop? Are there strategies or therapies that can help me develop discipline? Or is this m …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Baruch Hashem I recently became engaged to a wonderful man! I have two great teenage boys from a previous marriage that ended in divorce. Their father has no custody or visitation and is not involved in their lives. As we prepare for marriage, we have been getting a lot of advice from well-meaning friends and rabbis about how important it is for my future husband and me to spend “alone time” together after we get marr …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

December 23rd, 2019

I once spoke to a group of parents at a girls’ school in the city.  I gave the menaheles a few topics from which to choose.  She chose “Dreading Bedtime.” I think that another topic could have “Dreading Reveille: Marshalling Your Young Troops Every Morning.” This is such a common topic that it has its own song, "Oh! How I Hate to Get Up in the Morning," written by Irving Berlin back in 1918!  This issu …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

December 22nd, 2019

The eighth strategy for connecting to conscience is gratitude. Gratitude is an attitude of appreciation for everything we have, whatever it is. A constant state of gratitude puts an end to all feelings of entitlement. When I drop all expectations and take nothing for granted, everything is a cause for celebration and joy. In the absence of complaint – ‘I am missing this thing’…’This is not going my way…&rsquo …
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