Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 20th, 2019

To Tell or Not to Tell – Parshat Vayeshev Some of the readers may remember about 3 years ago  that I spoke of my heart attack (first night of Chanuka to be exact). I am thankful that, b"h, 3 years later I can talk about it and that I started living a better, healthier life. One of the dilemmas I had was about sharing the news with my heart attack with my elderly, frail mother, z"l. Everyone I spoke with seemed to be in agreement that i …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

December 17th, 2019

The seventh strategy for cultivating a connection with conscience is: Seek out opportunities for kindness. We are living in an age in which we are transitioning slowly but surely away from mind-body separation to mind-body connection. The holistic perspective certainly has an effect on medicine. It also has an effect on psychology. Viktor Frankl broke the paradigm of separation when he rejected the reductionism of psychodynamic psychology and pos …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 13th, 2019

What's Your Name? – Parshat Vayishlach There is a radio show which asked me to come as a guest to talk about Dr. Viktor Frankl and logotherapy. In preparation, I listened to some of the programs and heard the host asking the guests the question "who are you?" I thought it was a great question but was concerned as to how I would answer it. Thankfully, he didn’t ask me that question but it is now a question I ask myself occasionally. Wh …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

December 8th, 2019

The sixth strategy for connecting with conscience is: Listen to Other Opinions Listening is a big problem in the world today. We are not receptive to hearing a different viewpoint. Dissent has become taboo. We need to be willing and capable of hearing other people’s opinions because it helps us connect to our conscience.  What does conscience have to do with listening to the opinions of others? Isn’t conscience about listening to …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 6th, 2019

Just Being There – Parshat Vayeitzei We often feel that only grandiose actions really have any impact. People all too often will refrain from reaching out to those in need because they feel they cannot possibly give others all that they need. Sometimes, though, all a person needs is  a friend who will just be there. This week's parsha teaches us, among other things of course, that sometimes, just being there has value in and of itself. …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

December 1st, 2019

The fifth long-term strategy for how to cultivate a relationship with conscience is: Be a Participant of Life Conscience tells you how to relate to what is happening at any given moment. The intuitive sense of ‘right response’ implies a relationship between ‘me’ and ‘other.’ You are not an alien from outer space, even though you might feel that way at times. You belong here, and you have a unique role to play. …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

December 1st, 2019

Rabba, before opening [his shiur] to the Rabbanan, used to say something amusing and the scholars were amused. (Shabbos 30b) Did you ever wonder what sorts of things Rabba said? Perhaps, “How many Tzadukim does it take to change a light bulb?”* I guess we’ll never know what humorous thoughts Rabba shared. It may seem that the earliest example of humor is found in Parshas Lech L’chah, when HaShem tells Avraham Aveinu to nam …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 29th, 2019

The Truth about Lies – Part III  - Parshat Toledot Have you ever felt a compulsive need to understand something yet it seems beyond you? Or maybe the topic is so complex that apparently you will never really get a grasp on it? I have been trying to get a handle on lying recently and have found that it seems to be beyond my ability. It can be so frustrating! Lying. Is it ever moral? How about to save your life? Or your livelihood? What …
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Author: Shira Frank, LCSW

November 24th, 2019

Q: I have been married close to 13 years and since the beginning it has been a turbulent marriage. Our marital issues have recently intensified, as my husband’s erratic behavior became too much for me to live with. We have one child together. It’s gotten to the point that the police were actually involved, and my 12-year-old son had to witness part of this, which was clearly traumatic for him. It is clear that the marriage is on its w …
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Author: Shira Frank, LCSW

November 24th, 2019

Q: I’ve had difficulty dealing with my mother-in-law since I first got married nearly 15 years ago. She is a Holocaust survivor who is still embittered and wants all her married children to cater to her. She can come over to our house and criticize the children, then question us if we don’t discipline them in the way that she thinks is correct. My husband doesn’t respond to her directly when she behaves this way, but my children …
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Author: Shira Frank, LCSW

November 24th, 2019

Q: As the new year gets underway, I find myself looking back at past years and thinking about how I’ve been as a mother. I think my patience has improved somewhat, but when I look at my husband, I just see ways in which his general attitude has become more negative. I’m sure a main cause is that he’s been under a lot of stress due to his work (he’s self-employed), and has suffered a lot of financial setbacks. He snaps at o …
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Author: Shira Frank, LCSW

November 24th, 2019

Q: As I look back upon Yom Tov, I feel like I spent far too much time refereeing fights among my children. This began before Yom Tov, when it came to assigning jobs. My 14-year-old son complained that he always gets the same job that he hates and that his brother never completes the job that is given to him. The younger son defended himself, and they soon got into a screaming match. My husband and I spend too much time mediating arguments. More i …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

November 24th, 2019

Migraine headaches are a scourge for many people.  A migraine can cause severe throbbing pain so severe that it interferes with the sufferer’s daily activities. There is now available a medication that claims to cut the number of monthly migraine days in half for some patients.  The list price of this medication is $575 per month.  Sadly, as of now, there is no known way to eliminate migraines. High among the list of pain ind …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

November 24th, 2019

Strategy #4 for strengthening relationship with conscience: Focus on what is important. People who suffer from schizophrenia hear voices in their head. Actually, we all hear voices. We just don’t speak their messages out loud. We don’t act on them. We know that they are not a true reflection of reality.  But the running commentary is there all the time. Knowing that these thoughts are not worth taking seriously does not mean you …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

November 18th, 2019

Some parents think that devices are the bane of their existence and the source of most of the pain of parenting, tzar gidul banim. Then how do you understand this excerpt from Tefilah Zaka: Hinei k’var la’kinu b’shibud malchius, v’yisurin sh’baguf, oh anius, v’tzar gidul banim, u’shaar machovim.  Behold, You have already stricken us with foreign rule, with physical afflictions, or poverty, and the pa …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

November 18th, 2019

Why do children misbehave?  For the same reasons that adults do. End of article.  Have a nice day. Okay, I’ll elaborate. Children misbehave either because they don’t know what you would consider “behaving,” or because they aren’t able to do what you consider “behaving,” or because they would rather do something you call “misbehaving,” or because they want to defy you. Does any of tha …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

November 17th, 2019

In the quest for deeper meaning, we often forget to pay attention to the obvious. Frankl posits, ‘The therapist should enable the patient to see the world as it is.’ Why do we ignore the obvious? For one thing, we are blind to the reality in front of us because we are immersed in the reality that is within us. This includes everything that preoccupies us and prevents us from being present: beliefs, emotional reactivity, misperceptions …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

November 10th, 2019

The second strategy for how to develop a relationship with your conscience and be happier about your decisions is to tell yourself the truth. In the smallest of ways catch yourself when you are lying to yourself. Is this in my best interest? For example, do I really want to go there? Is this depleting me? Am I treating myself with respect? Am I ignoring reality and pretending my behavior won’t have a detrimental effect? Does my behavior ma …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 8th, 2019

The Truth About Lies – Part II* – Parshat Lech Lecha There is a popular saying: "Never meet your idols." Too often you find out that they don’t live up to your expectations of them. When you put them on a pedestal, very often you de-humanize them and in fact take away from their greatness. They are quite fallible and, well, human. The greater they are, the greater the disappointment. What we expect from them is to be metahumans. …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

November 3rd, 2019

Mrs. B, a woman in the early fifties, has been plagued by anxiety for decades. Her mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia and she grew up as a neglected, unwanted, unloved child. She is married with six children and seems to have a good life, but her anxiety creates a multitude of problems for herself and in her relationships. She experiences heart palpitations, tightness in her chest and irregular breathing. To escape these sensations, she star …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

November 3rd, 2019

Chanoch l’naar al pi darko, gam ki yazkin lo yasur mimenu” – Train the youth according to his way, so that even when he ages he will not deviate from it. (Mishlei 22:6) That is one of the ways to translate and understand this pasuk in Mishlei.  It means that once you have trained a child in a certain way he or she will maintain that way throughout his or her entire life.  The catch is “a certain way.”  …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

October 27th, 2019

There are lots of tiny decisions we all make every day. What is the best thing to do? What would make you happy with yourself looking back at the end of your life? These are the kinds of questions logotherapy addresses. Is there a way you can know which will be the most satisfying and meaningful choice? We can address the question in one of two ways: in the moment and long term. In the moment, you can be still and listen, and you will hear and in …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 25th, 2019

Cain's Choice in the Here and Now– Parshat Bereishit Omni-temporal Man - Part III Choice. An empowering word. An intimidating word. It can mean choosing between chocolate and vanilla ice cream or whether or not to marry. It gives us the ability to feel control over our lives yet it can also paralyze us. Cain had a choice.1 In Parshat Bereishit, we read that he was unhappy with God's reaction to his sacrifice but what could he do. Furtherm …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 18th, 2019

How we Prepare for the Future – Parshat Vezot Haberacha Omni-temporal Man Part II We all live for the future. We all plan for the future. We all make assumptions about the future. On some level we are constantly living our future and making guesses about what will happen – some of those guesses will be educated and some will be like a shot in the dark. The one thing in common is that our minds imagine what the future will be. There ar …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

October 13th, 2019

In 1974, I was in graduate school.  I had voluminous amounts of material to memorize and I was struggling.  Then, Hashgacha Pratis brought about the publication of a book that changed my life over the long term and got me through graduate school in the short term: The Memory Book by Harry Lorayne and Jerry Lucas.  Yes, that is the Jerry Lucas who played for the Knicks.  After retirement, he co-authored The Memory Book which so …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 11th, 2019

Dealing with the Past – Parshat Haazinu Omni-temporal Man - Part 1 Finding a title for each blog has become a fun part of the challenge of writing a blog. It should catch the eye while reflecting at least a bit of what the content will be. When I decided on the topic of this blog, I started thinking of a catchy title. It must refer somehow to the past. I decided to try a paradoxical/rhetorical approach and for the first time I searched for …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

October 6th, 2019

We’re all familiar with the NYPD motto, “Courtesy, Professionalism, Respect.”  That should be the motto of every educator and parent every time they speak with a child. It is our motto as yidden all day every day towards everyone, isn’t it?  Doesn’t derech eretz kadma l’Torah mean exactly that? What does it mean to speak to everyone with courtesy, professionalism, and respect?  What would you so …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 8th, 2019

Hiding the Meaning – Parshat Vayelech/Yom Kippur Central to logotherapy, the school of psychology this blog most relates to, is the concept that Man's most basic motivation is to find meaning in his life. "Man’s search for meaning is the primary motivation in his life and not a “secondary rationalization” of instinctual drives,"1 says Dr. Viktor Frankl, the founder of logotherapy. Lacking meaning in his life, Man can feel …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

October 2nd, 2019

In Parshas Ki Savo (Devarim 27:15-26), the Torah records the curses pronounced by the Kohanim and the Leviim while facing Har Eival.  Rashi (27:12) says that each of the k’lolos was preceded by a corresponding bracha, and Rashi at the beginning of Parshas Re-eh (11:26) says these brachos were alluded to in the words re-eh anochi nosain lifnaichem hayom bracha u’klola. The question remains.  Why did the Torah enumerate the k& …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 27th, 2019

Circumcise your….Heart – Parshat Nitzavim Shock treatment is a tool rarely used in education. Being aware of the students' emotional state when trying to teach or discipline is expected even from the beginning teacher. If the teacher is at all concerned about causing any emotional trauma, they are expected to exercise caution. The Torah can be very creative and illustrative.1 We find this week's parsha to be an example of that. "And …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Our 7-year-old son has always been challenging. He is a challenge behaviorally and has a difficult time getting along with his siblings and his friends. On the advice of our pediatrician, we had him evaluated and we got a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder. Now we have a name to the problem and are working on figuring out our best approach for treatment. As we are approaching yom tov and will be spending it together w …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: We recently acceded to our daughter’s request to begin seeing a psychologist weekly. This is related to some eating disorder and body image issues. Without going into the specifics we were given a bad recommendation by a friend as to which psychologist to send to. This psychologist clearly did not share our values and we believed she would not be appropriate for our impressionable teenage daughter. So we switched her to a di …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My wife suffers from major depressive disorder and has for many years. Most of the time it is kept under control with medication but every so often will flare up into a severe depression. She has currently been suffering from a depressive bout for the past month and a half. She is working with a psychiatrist and therapist to get better. Part of her depression is that she doesn't want to do anything but sit at home all day. Sitting …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My 10-year-old son is smart and personable. He does great in school both academically and socially and is an all-around great kid. He is emotionally pretty mature for his age and can be pretty independent and self-reliant.  He is, however, often very inflexible. He has a few foods that he likes and that's it. A few shirts and that's it. Same with general schedule and routine (i.e. he has a rough time moving out of his room fo …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: This might seem like a shidduch question, but I'm posing it here, as it dips into the mental health arena. In my experience with singles seeking to remarry, a barrier that presents itself repeatedly is fear. Many have had personal experiences of heartache and betrayal; they have experienced the pain of relationships falling apart. These experiences are a perfect breeding ground for fear to take hold, and possibly fester …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 26th, 2019

Dear Therapist: What is it with camps scaring the wits out of kids. How come all the scary plays, Holocaust stories, and color war breakouts. Granted my kids are a bit sensitive but do I need to have them come home from day camp all terrorized? Are these things appropriate? Are my kids just wimps? Can these types of things negatively impact kids?   Response:              & …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 26th, 2019

Dear Therapists, My husband keeps on making bad investments and losing money. He borrows money to try and invest and now he has lost other people’s money. He is totally out of touch with reality vis-à-vis his business ability, complete oyalam hadimyon, but it doesn’t "pas" for him to work for someone else or get a regular job. I am at my wits’ end. Please suggest how to talk some sense into him.   Response: I&rs …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

September 23rd, 2019

Remember back when you were dating?  You spent a lot of pleasant time wining and dining out, although the “wining” part consisted of diet cola. Then you got married and the wining and dining continued but the setting shifted to your home. In the next stage, when your baby began to feed herself, wining and dining was suspended and replaced with you trying to eat while repeatedly refilling your baby’s fork or spoon, or just p …
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Author: Batya Yaniger, PsyD

September 23rd, 2019

Often in therapy you are educating the client to adopt a different perspective. One aspect to logoeducation is teaching the client to put the spotlight on meanings and values, rather than on one’s self-concerns. Self-absorption is very much of a therapeutic issue.  People who are depressed are self-absorbed. People who are paying excessive attention to themselves are incapable of getting over their stage fright. And so on.    …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 17th, 2019

Appreciate Your Grocer – Parshat Ki Tavo I am sometimes astounded by what is 'hiding in plain sight'. (Through a quick search on the internet, I found at least three different books with that title.) I remember the first time I learned the concept with the "watch test".* And I am surprised time and again how I get caught overlooking these things. So it was with a passage in this week's parsha, Parshat Ki Tavo. I have read and reread the sa …
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