Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 17th, 2019

Don’t Forget Yourself – Parshat Behar It can be confusing. We hear so much about how important it is to do for others and 'paying it forward' and karma that we tend to believe that our whole existence has no validation in and of itself unless we are totally focused on others with no regard to our own needs. How about my needs and 'looking out for number one'? Isn’t that important too? Or is that too selfish? And isn't it good t …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 16th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am a sixteen-year-old girl, and I hope you can help me with my struggle.  I will go straight to the point.  I feel extremely uncomfortable in my skin; I feel very blown up and fat.  I know that maybe that's not how I look, but this is how I feel.  I badly want to be (super) thin.  My family thinks and says I am thin.  Whenever I go hungry I don't have this uncomfortable pit in my stomach.  Yet …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 16th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Today I am a married woman with a family and have friends b”h, but as a child, I didn’t have any friends. When I was with classmates and when I would try to interject with a comment my comment would go unnoticed. I only made friends after I finished school and started working. When I bump into people I knew as a child, such as classmates, I become terrified and start to shake and the unbearable pain that lays deep dow …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 16th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am a mother of a large family k"ah, with a B"H healthy good marriage. I have come across many times in articles, speeches, etc.… a concept that is stressed that when couples talk just between themselves (i.e. date nights, walks, or just some good old schmoozing), they shouldn't talk about the kids and about the husband's work. We are told that couples should speak about "other stuff like they spoke when the …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 16th, 2019

Dear Therapist: We have recently experienced some significant financial difficulties which require us to change our standards of living. Up until 4-5 months ago, we were living what most people would consider a wealthy lifestyle. The reasons for the downturn are not important but it has been very rough on us as a family. This has caused my husband a lot of stress and has impacted our marriage as well. We are also having a difficult time explaini …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 16th, 2019

Dear Therapist: What is the panel’s opinion and experience with hypnotherapy? Does hypnotherapy work? How about when regular therapy fails? I have heard that hypnosis works because it reaches your unconscious self vs traditional therapy which only works on a conscious level.   Response: Although I have had some training and experience with hypnotherapy, I’m certainly not an expert. I can speak generally, but I defer to those pan …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 16th, 2019

Dear Therapist: A few years ago, I went to a therapist to deal with something very difficult going on in my life.  Instead of validating my pain and letting me share my feelings in a non-judgmental environment, my therapist hurt me deeply.  She said things that damaged my self-esteem more than anyone in my life had ever done.  You might say that she was trying to help me grow?  There is a way to say things to someone.  T …
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Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

May 6th, 2019

“Something is wrong with me, and I think I’m going crazy. I know my life wasn’t perfect, but suddenly I’m flooded with images I never knew existed and I can barely function. What’s wrong with me?” “I know I had trauma and/or anxiety, and I did some good talk therapy years ago, but suddenly it’s coming back with a whole new force, how do you explain this? And will it ever get better?” When cl …
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Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

May 1st, 2019

When you say the word anxiety, you probably just shrug your shoulder and think “we all have it, sometimes.” And, you’re right. Anxiety is a very normal part of life. Anxiety is a response to stress and as humans, we are programmed to respond to stressors to get things done; finish the project, make a big decision or go for that last minute errand run. However, “regular anxiety” comes and goes. Anxiety that creeps i …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 19th, 2019

Step Up – Pesach There are many mitzvot which in some form are related to our history in Egypt. The purpose of some of those mitzvot is to remember leaving Egypt, others remind us that we were slaves in Egypt, others combine these two ideas - we were slaves and God took us out of Egypt -  while others simply mention that we were on our way out of Egypt.1 Our exile in and exodus from Egypt is apparently so important in buildi …
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Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

April 18th, 2019

Want to deepen your living experience with the current Holiday and Spring Break? Seasons, Holidays, Changes and Shifts. With every season of the year theres a newness, a rebirthing, a shifting. As well, with every season of our lives, there are changes. Tight spaces, wide spaces, new spaces and old spaces. There’s darkness, and light. Empty branches and then, blossoming flowers. And as we go into the holiday and/or spring break season, we …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 12th, 2019

Clarifying Roles – Parshat Metzora If someone needs help with charity, they go to a charitable organization. If you need help building a budget you meet with a financial expert. if you're looking for emotional help you seek out a social worker, psychiatrist, psychologist or other mental health professionals. You might think that with a skin ailment, you would look for a dermatologist or the like. If there is a mold-like growth on your walls …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 5th, 2019

Avoiding Leprosy – Parshat Tazria I love puzzles. Jigsaw puzzles, logic puzzles, number puzzles and more. I try to guess the murderer in murder mysteries. I love a good enigma and am still fascinated by the liar's paradox. (Statement 1: I always lie. Statement 2. I am telling the truth). They get me thinking – even if I don’t know the answer. There are few concepts in the Torah that are more enigmatic than the advent of Tzaraat …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 27th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I have a sister with a rare medical condition. Hardly anyone knows about it and I found out by mistake. I have watched her surmount her many challenges, but I am stuck pitying her (and myself) and wishing things were different. She’s such a good person so why her?! I have not moved past it and it pains me deeply watching her... I’m helpless and powerless in terms of helping and I wish there was something I can do Any r …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 27th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Pesach is approaching! I find that as a mother of a large family I get overwhelmed at this time of year and really lose it with my kids. Overall I think I am a wonderful parent but I could use some extra tools to deal with this extra stress. Any advice? Or does this just come along with being a Jewish mother?   Response: I don’t know exactly what you mean by “lose it.” I also don’t know the ages o …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 27th, 2019

Dear Therapist: As the yom tov of Purim approaches, I wonder if the esteemed panel can elaborate a bit on "happiness." There is so much attention today being paid to being happy. It is even enshrined in the declaration of independence as a right. I sometimes wonder if the fact that people chase happiness, which can be so elusive, actually makes them more miserable. As therapists who are bnei torah I was hoping you could share …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 27th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I once used the services of a graphologist to gain some insight into myself and my challenges. I sent in my handwriting and a drawing, and I received a short reply with some advice, basically that I am living in a way that I exert myself very strongly, striving to force myself to be something I am not, and I must stop living with my illusions and focus on being myself and achieve according to my ability in order for me to be happy …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 27th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am a 19-year-old boy who went to an out of town yeshiva this year. My yeshiva provides a dormitory, but they don't provide Shabbos seudas. Every Shabbos I have to find meals and many times I end up by people whom I don't know and never met before. There is one issue with this. When I introduce myself to new people I turn red in the face. This is something that I feel I can't control as much as …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 27th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am a 20 something year old girl struggling with shidduchim and finding Mr. Right. In the meantime I am living at home with my parents and here lies the problem. My mother doesn't realize but she is singling me out for emotional mistreatment. Nothing I say, think, or wear is good enough. My opinions are too left wing, my clothing is too tight, this outfit doesn't make me look good. All day every day that's all I hear fr …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 27th, 2019

The Mourning Doesn’t End – Parshat Shemini As much as we know that mourning, suffering and pain are a part of life, it is never easy to talk about. Though with the advent of "Death Cafes" - specific evenings in pubs and cafes worldwide where people gather to talk about, well, death – discussing death, pain and suffering has become a bit more commonplace, it is still not usually a topic for social gatherings. Does this mean that …
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Author: Shlomit Liz Sanders, LMFT, CCTP

March 14th, 2019

Psychotherapists and their credentials
  While there are many articles on what psychotherapy is (or isn’t) I figured I’d start with the basics. There are so many options when looking for a therapist and it’s important to be educated to know what you’re looking at when reading their credentials and what it all means. Here’s a breakdown of the most common ones: LMSW/ LCSW: Licensed masters in social work/ Li …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 15th, 2019

Work and Work – Part 2 – Parshat Pekudei Synonyms. They can be lovely. They can be irritating. For those among us who are logophiles (lovers of words - though perhaps, also, lovers of meaning and, yes, logotherapy), we love to play with synonyms and look up in the dictionary and thesaurus to see what other possibilities there are. You see, the thesaurus is not just a book to be used when writing papers. It can be a fun book. So, in Pa …
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Author: Evan Steele

March 10th, 2019

In a few hours, NEFESH will be hosting an event on the state of clinics today, so it seemed an apropos time to put this in writing.  For the reader’s information, I am a Director of 2 clinics with The Jewish Board. If I may indulge the reader with a few beginning caveats: “The case for clinics” evokes an implication that there is a “case against” something. In this case, the obvious candidate is private practic …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 8th, 2019

Work and Work – Part 1- Parshat Vayakhel There is a concept in social psychology called cognitive dissonance and its sister-concept cognitive consonance.  Leon Festinger, teaching that we strive for psychological consistency, describes a situation in which two people who are friendly do or do not agree about a third party. If they are in agreement, there is cognitive consonance while if they are in disagreement, there will be cognitiv …
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Author: Yannah Popovitz M.A.

March 3rd, 2019

  Simple Reasons to Believe in Yourself: When we believe in ourselves we grow and change We take better care of ourselves We are kinder and more compassionate to others We believe in our children We make better choices and take risks We set goals and have a better chance of following through with them. We don't beat ourselves up when we make a mistake or fall. We don't quit when things get hard. We don't take things as personally or hol …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 22nd, 2019

It's Not Fair – Parshat Ki Tissa* When I was growing up, child care was something your mother did and nursery schools weren’t so prevalent. So, I spent my days at home with my mom and she made sure I had everything I needed. But one day, I noticed my older brother was going to school. I don’t think I had any idea what it was but it meant he was going somewhere. I do remember crying about not being allowed to go to school. It was …
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Author: Shlomit Liz Sanders, LMFT, CCTP

February 18th, 2019

Psychotherapy 101 How does therapy work? Congratulations! You’ve taken the first brave step to make an appointment and now you’re wondering: What to expect the first appointment Is therapy right for me? What makes therapy work?   It can be scary meeting a new stranger for the first time and that’s true in all settings but even more so when you’re expected to pour out your life to this person. The first appointment i …
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Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

February 18th, 2019

Boundary Setting & Somatic Therapy + 1 Step to Cultivate your "Felt Sense"   “I can talk you to you till I’m blue in my face, but I won’t be able to change the way I set limits. I know that I’m not good at setting boundaries, but I don’t know why.” I’m at a coffee date with an old work colleague, and she shares the above. It’s a story that she’s been repeating for some …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 14th, 2019

Dear Therapist: Without going into the gory details my husband and are having serious problems in our marriage. We have been married 10 years and have 3 children...Some have suggested that we go for therapy as a couple. This might be a good idea but others have warned us not to because "therapists will wind up pushing you to get divorced." Things are bad but this is not what we want at all. Can you please give us some guidance (reassurance?) reg …
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Author: Lili Bernstein (Goralnick), LCSW-R

February 11th, 2019

I have an old friend from my teenage years named J. J is the person for whom things always work out in the craziest ways. I always joke that people hand J money. It's not far from the truth. When J was flying to Miami once, the head stewardess announced over the loudspeaker that J should come to the front of the plane upon landing. "You have won a VIP escort." J stepped out of the plane and nearly fell on a bright pink golf cart with J's name in …
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Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

February 7th, 2019

“Something’s making me feel really uncomfortable. I’m going to take a moment before continuing onward.” “Every time I spend time at this place/with this person I’m left feeling insecure and doubtful. Hmm, something to look at.” “I don’t like when you talk to me like that.” “Can you please take a step back, this feels too close for me.” “His/Her comment is making me re …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My wife has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. She has been seeing a therapist who has been treating her using cognitive behavioral therapy. She has not made that much improvement and our family doctor suggested she see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist is recommending that she take medication to help with this. However, her therapist is strongly discouraging taking medication and is adamant that she has the strength withi …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I have always struggled in several areas such as concentration, inability to complete projects, and too much talking. I have read articles about this and some seem to suggest that this is about anxiety while others indicate that it is ADHD related. How do I differentiate between these two possibilities?   Response: There are many symptoms that can apply to various disorders. Sometimes it can be difficult to ascertain which pr …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I was recently at a meeting at my son's yeshiva and was told that my son should be evaluated by a neuropsychologist. When I asked why, the principal suggested that he should be tested to see if he has a nonverbal learning disability. I have scheduled an appointment, but was curious what this condition is, how it would present with a frum boy in yeshiva, and what can be done about it. I am looking for practical suggestion …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: My sister-in-law sees an unlicensed therapist. This concerns me and I asked my sister-in-law about it who assured me that the therapist has very solid training and good results and she is happy with her. This doesn't sound right or ethical to me, but I am not sure what to do, if anything. I would appreciate the thoughts of the panel members.   Response: Generally speaking, it’s not ethical for someone who is unlicensed …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am writing regarding my 28-year-old daughter who has a slipped disc. She is in chronic pain and nothing seems to be working (PT, etc.). Surgery has been suggested but we are trying to avoid it because of the inherent risks. My husband and I are becoming more and more concerned about her use of pain medication. Some of the medicine she has been prescribed is highly addictive and we are concerned about her developing a real issue …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I often experience what seem like dramatic mood changes. One day I'll wake up with loads of energy ready to take on the world and the next I will sit in bed trying to convince myself to get out of bed. I am sometimes full of joy and optimism and other times just retreat into myself. My friends joke that I am "bipolar." I asked my doctor about it and his response was something to the effect of, "We all have our ups and downs" and t …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 7th, 2019

Dear Therapist: I am 46 and have been living with anxiety my entire life. Every few years I go back to therapy for a while until I start feeling better. Then I stop with my therapist and it gets me through a year or two then it gets bad again and I wind up back in therapy again. I tried medication for a while a few years back but the side effects weren't really worth it. I have done 2 rounds of CBT where I analyzed my thinking patterns and how th …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 7th, 2019

Gonna Do it My Way – Parshat Terumah Children will often notice when parents repeat stories. Sometimes they will ask the parent to repeat a particular story because of the way it is told or the content itself. There are other times when the kids will roll their eyes when the parent will repeat the same story over and over - this happened recently while sitting shiva for my mom, hk"m, and I was telling over stories about my mother and my ki …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 1st, 2019

Against Divine Will? – Parshat Mishpatim I never stop to wonder at the depth of the Torah and the messages it tries to relate to us – whether in conjunction with logotherapy or not. Sometimes it is confusing, sometimes it is extremely insightful and helpful, and at times it is downright challenging. So it is with great wonder and trepidation I approach the following concept. Even though the Torah uses its words sparingly, at least tw …
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