Author: Reuven Weinreb

July 12th, 2018

                                                                            

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Author: Reuven Weinreb

July 12th, 2018

   Leading you along your path to achieving the joyful,  vibrant life of your dreams.         What could you achieve if you had more motivation, more ambition, higher self-esteem, more perseverance,greater confidence, more energy and less physical pain? We can help you get there!  Call L’CHAIM to Life today!   Our modalities: NLP, massage therapy (women only), energy healing, and more Co …
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Author: Lili Bernstein (Goralnick), LCSW-R

July 8th, 2018

 To my Client with BPD; You came to me from a colleague with those dreaded words, “this one’s for you…” I aged three years just trying to get you to sign my policies and consents. But by the time we were finished drawing and picking apart your family tree, we were bonding in mutual amazement- mine at your brave story and you of my piecing together of your story. Your letter and expressions of appreciation mean a lot, …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 5th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your weekly column, I really enjoy the panelists’ responses. I have decided to seek therapy because of my eating habits and low self-esteem. I started seeing a therapist with whom I was very happy and I enjoyed going every week. After around two months the therapist informed me that she will be opening her own private practice and referred me to a different therapist. I had a very hard time with this as …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 5th, 2018

Repeat, Say Again and Reiterate – Parshat Pinchas In public speaking classes, they discuss the concept of repetition of certain themes which are central to the presentation. They point out the importance of repetition and how to execute it without seeming boring or obnoxious. It helps drive the point home. The Torah, which is usually very stingy with words, retells the story of Korach 3 times, including this week's parsha - each time in a …
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Author: Michali Friedman, LCSW

July 2nd, 2018

Dear Michali, My kallah and I are getting married in six weeks and as excited as I am to get married I have some concerns.  I don’t know if it’s just the stage of engagement, but my kallah seems to be on a daily shopping spree, spending more money than what we would have together after the wedding and this is a big issue for me.  As it is, money will be tighter than what she grew up with and her current spending habits make …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 28th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My son is a very sensitive boy and every time I tell him “no” or reprimand him for something, as I would to any of my other children, he always looks deeply hurt. Should I treat him differently than, or the same as, my other children? I feel that in life he will have to deal with “no”s and not everything will go his way and people will tell him off. Am I correct in my judgment?   Response: Your questio …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 26th, 2018

Guiding our Life – Parshat Balak Usually we live life looking forward. We have a daily calendar, a weekly schedule and in business we talk about the 5-year-plan. It is all based on projections made about how we approach our dreams of where we want to be and choices we make about how we wish to live our days. We see this too, in Parshat Balak, when Bilaam blessed the Jewish people, he praised their deaths, "Let me die the death of the straig …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 25th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your insightful column each week. I gain a tremendous amount from your suggestions and advice. I am hoping that you can guide us. We B'H have a wonderful almost 10-year-old son; he is a fantastic kid, smart, conscientious, studious, well-behaved, bright, a real baal middos and a budding talmid chacham. He brings us a tremendous amount of nachas. The problem is that he likes to ea …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 19th, 2018

A Snake on a Staff – Parshat Chukat There are a number of idioms and phrases whose source is unknown and have slithered their way into our language (pun intended…groan). In fact, you can search online for a list of reptilian, bovine, porcine, and general mammalian phrases and idioms. As an amateur etymologist, I find it quite fascinating and have fun with these usages. I find it quite cool that the logo of the American Medical Assoc …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 14th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am a 19-year-old bachur in a top yeshiva. I have tremendous emotional difficulties: anxiety, panic attacks, obsessive looping, and depression. I also struggle with trauma and an unhealthy childhood. While I was skeptical of therapy, I decided to give it a try. I saw a highly recommended therapist for 8 months and found it to be a disappointing experience.  While it helped me gain clarity about myself and a brillia …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 14th, 2018

Dream or Accept Reality – Parshat  Korach We are taught by dreamers to dream and by realists to accept reality. They are both right – we need to dream and we need to accept reality as is. The challenge comes when the dream flies in the face of reality. But don't  dreams always fly in the face of reality? There is a story about Walt Disney's brother who was giving a tour of the about-to-be-opened amusement park, Disneyworld, …
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Author: Reuven Weinreb

June 7th, 2018

Because fears and doubts were making it harder and harder for me to work, I decided to try NLP therapy. I wondered if such a short-term therapy could really help me, but I was desperate, so I tried it.

I was, not pleasantly, but stunningly, surprised by the results. Over just a few weeks I became relaxed and confident, and returned to a full-day work schedule with a peaceful mind.

I can tell that some fear is still there, bu …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 7th, 2018

Dear Therapist: There is a specific issue that I have been holding in for a long time. I understand that it is something that is very serious and needs to be discussed with a therapist. The issue is that it is a very serious thing that I am worried will need to be brought to the attention of the authorities. This is something I don’t want to happen. So, I am stuck, not getting the help that I need. Obviously, I can’t be specific …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 7th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I know this sounds almost cliché but I can’t get my wife to stop spending money. Sounds like a bad joke no? I work hard and make a very nice living but she seems to have no awareness of financial responsibility. Whenever I speak to her she feels bad about it but it doesn’t really stop her. I don’t want to turn this into a huge fight, and she is sensitive to confrontation, but I’m telling you it&rsquo …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 6th, 2018

What if You Can't Find Meaning – Parshat Shelach Occasionally, I will get a client asking me about Dr. Viktor Frankl, the author of Mans's Search for Meaning, and how to find meaning in life. After a few moments they might say, "I've been looking for meaning but find nothing. What now?" Indeed, what now? Give up? Keep searching? What? This is an age-old question. In Parshat Shelach, we read about how the Israelites had been in the desert f …
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Author: Lili Bernstein (Goralnick), LCSW-R

June 1st, 2018

A Therapist Redecorates            I had just experienced a tragic loss, and felt my whole world had collapsed. My own skin didn't even feel safe. But here, in this room, with my life raft, my wise and reassuring therapist, I felt, at times that I could be okay again someday. Bridging my current devastation with a first look at my childhood trauma was something akin to doing yoga in a 6.7 earthqua …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 25th, 2018

Say It to Own It – Parshat Naso We know that words have power. They can hurt. They can calm. They can comfort and soothe. Words, through the help of certain techniques, can help us to overcome trauma. In recovering from my own heart attack, I shared my story of the events leading up to the hospitalization as they unfolded. I noticed afterwards that I had retold that story a number of times and in varying amounts of detail. Later I understo …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 18th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My sister has always thought that everyone was out to get her. She is extremely insecure and very sensitive. Now her paranoia has increased to the point where she is in a fight with everyone in her family. She is furious at me because she thinks I didn’t try hard enough to get her kids into high school. She thinks my husband ruined her kids’ shidduchim. She thinks my brothers are trying to push her husband out of …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 18th, 2018

Count Off! – Parshat Bamidbar
I was once amazed when a friend of mine studying political science explained different diplomatic terms and how they really meant something different. A window of opportunity is different than a doorway. A road to peace means one thing while a pathway means something else. It is not just personal style or creative speaking. I have also tried to develop a similar discerning eye when studying Torah but see …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 15th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Our 11-year-old son has been stealing things from his friends in school. We keep finding things in his room that we know he didn’t get from us.  Recently he admitted that he took a toy from another boy’s briefcase. We are devastated. We give him everything he needs and he comes from a house that I would say has excellent chinuch. I have no idea where he picked up such a horrible thing. Additionally, we are very wo …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 15th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am 14 years old, in mesivta, and I have no friends. I never really fit in. I am not interested in sports and the things that other kids are into. I feel very lonely and spend most of my day reading. I have always been very shy and I am not comfortable talking to anyone. My parents are not nogeah to talk to. Please help me. Thank you.   Response: I’m sorry that you feel that you don’t fit in. It&rs …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 11th, 2018

Don’t Know Why, But… - Parshat Bechukotai In creative or professional writing there is always an emphasis on keeping everything in the same tense, person, manner, etc. I have been sent back an article because I wasn’t consistent throughout the article in one or more of these issues. Truth is, despite my being upset that I have to rewrite certain parts, I even agree with the editor. The whole article just looks and feels better …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 27th, 2018

From Victim to Victor – Parshat Emor There are certain truths that people generally agree to. "Suffering and death are inescapable realities of life," writes Dr. Teria Shantall in her book on Holocaust survivors.1 Or as Ben Franklin famously said, "in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes."2 That seems to be the accepted fact that bad news and suffering are an inevitable part of our lives. I mention …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

April 26th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Our daughter has recently asked us to see (and pay for) a therapist. She says that her reasons for this are because she feels empty, without direction in life, and is not finding fulfillment. She is 22 years old, has never had any issues before, had no major difficulties in life, has a good job and has always done well. My husband and I have always felt that she could be a little more sincere with her yiddishkeit. She does ev …
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Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

April 26th, 2018

characters in this article are fictional, created for the purpose of portraying therapeutic process. "I dont have any specific trauma. I've never been in a car accident and I wasn't bullied when I was little. So then why am I suffering so much on the inside? Why do I feel like the light on the inside is dim? Why do I have a hard time trusting myself and letting others come close?" This confusion exists in many clients who reach out and are brave …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

April 20th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My 10-year-old son constantly needs to be entertained. He is never able to just sit still and keep himself busy. He enjoys listening to Jewish tapes of stories (Rabbi Erps, Rebbe Hill, etc.) but he will listen for 5 hours straight. And he will constantly kvetch about not being able to listen if we don’t allow it. Is it healthy for someone to spend that much time like that? It’s like he has become obsessed wit …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 20th, 2018

Holy is Not a 'Four-Letter Word' – Parshat Acharei Mot-Kedoshim How we express ourselves publically in our western civilization is an issue that has more or less gained widespread agreement. Part of that understanding are words that due to their content and meaning are censored out of statements made publically. These words, called euphemistically 4-letter words, are often not used at all publically to prevent the need for censoring a …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

April 16th, 2018

Kids are not the ones who necessarily need to sit down with a therapist.  When parents gain the tools to manage stress and their own emotions in a healthy way, they’re better prepared to be there for their children.  Kids react to their environment.  When the adults are able to put children’s needs before their own, that’s when we see children behaving differently. They feel nurtured. (Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD. Cited …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

April 13th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Although your responses will be too late to be beneficial to me, I hope that by writing into this panel your responses will guide others who may be dealing with a similar dilemma. My wife’s father was recently niftar after a relatively brief illness. There was a lot of disagreement between my wife and me as to how much our 3 children (ages 12, 10 and 7) should participate in the levaya, shiva etc. My …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 5th, 2018

Sharp Turn – Parshat Shemini/7th of Pesach * Juxtapositions of the Jewish calendar and the weekly parsha have rarely captured my interest but this week the change in focus from the chag to the parsha seems so sharp that I couldn't help not noticing it. Writing in the afternoon before the last day of Pesach (surprisingly, and thanks to my wife, I have enough time to do that), I look forward to the holiday where we celebrate the completion of …
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Author: Reuven Weinreb

April 1st, 2018

Setting your goals, not the goals meant for someone else. Example, a person born with a handicap might not objectively accomplish as much as someone with out that handicap. When you utilize your time and energy, you subjectively accomplished more and that's what counts in the long run when our life is taken into consideration. Set reachable goals and feel profound pleasure and joy in the daily actions you take to reach them. Each action might see …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 30th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I took my first cigarette in 9th grade. I have been smoking steadily for the past 15 years. If I am honest I realize that it is a big health risk but that doesn’t seem to motivate me to stop. I guess I kind of “want to want” to stop. It certainly would make my wife and parents happy.  My questions are: 1. Do you have any suggestions as to how to become more motivated to quit?  2. Are there any specific …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 30th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My best friend recently became engaged. I should be overjoyed; however, I am very afraid for her. She has never had great self-esteem and is not a great judge of character. Her chosson does not appear to be a good person at all. He doesn’t treat her with respect and is constantly making demeaning remarks to her in front of everyone. You can tell a lot from the way others talk about him as well. I feel like she just …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 27th, 2018

Personal Freedom – Pesach We often focus at the Seder table on the first night of Pesach, on the redemption of the Jewish people from Egypt. We speak of our trials and tribulations, the cruelty of the Egyptians and the miracle of the redemption. We do so through an inspiring mix of homiletic passages, vignettes and song in a manner which is lively, spontaneous and full of emotion. It is an evening of song and thanksgiving. Yet there is also …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 16th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My husband has had a job in finance for around 15 years. He is very good at it and makes a nice living but it is a stressful job and he is under a lot of pressure. He has recently begun complaining a lot and is overwhelmed by work. He took off a few weeks recently and that helped, but only briefly. He is talking about changing careers but I don’t know why he suddenly can’t handle it. He says he just isn’t interes …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 16th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I appreciate your column and insights and I would like to get your opinion on something that has been bothering me for a long time. I am afraid to do hagbah. I have only done it once in my life (with a really small Sefer Torah). I should be strong enough but I just have such a fear that I will drop the Sefer. I usually duck out of shul when it’s time for hagbah so that the gabbai won’t approach me. If I do get asked I …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 16th, 2018

Thank you for your column. I really enjoy it. I am a teenage girl who bh has many things going for me; I have a great, loving family, plenty of friends, good grades and all in all I am very happy. I do suffer from trichotillomania (I pull out my hair). But just to make it clear those who don't know would not be able to tell. My friends know and really don't think about it—it really has no effect on my life. Do you think it is necessary to g …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 14th, 2018

Mind Your Business - Parshat Vayikra Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes there are no victims and sometimes there are some very real victims. If we do in fact cause harm to others, we apologize due to a sense of social or moral obligation to them. We need to acknowledge that others may be hurt because of our mistake. This apology, though, is simply to fulfill a "debt" to the other. We have wronged the other and "owe" him an apology. But what if n …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

March 11th, 2018

What is the point of punishment?  What is it supposed to accomplish?  We’ll look at types of punishment used by parents with children, but first let’s look at punishment as it relates to criminals. The four most common theories of punishment of criminals are: retribution, deterrence, rehabilitation, and incapacitation.  (The Oxford Handbook of Criminal Law, Edited by Markus D. Dubber and Tatjana Hörnle, Part III, S …
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