Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

August 20th, 2018

Anxiety is one of the most common mental health conditions in the United States. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, anxiety disorders affect 40 million adults in the United states, age 18 and older. The good news is that anxiety disorders are highly treatable, but get this, only 36.9% of those suffering are receiving mental heath treatment.  Now, how do you know if you're one of those people who are experien …
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Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

August 13th, 2018

An Easy Somatic Exercise to Process Triggers Last blog addressed what triggers are and where they come from. This blog is going to dive a bit deeper into how to support yourself when you are experiencing a trigger or stressful event, and are needing skills for relief. As we mentioned last week, one of the ways to work with triggers is to ground yourself, and orient to the room around you. This week we are practicing orienting you …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

August 9th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Thank you for this forum. Our oldest, a boy of 6, thinks that he is in charge of everything. He is in charge of every game, every digging session, and every clean-up job. He will constantly dominate every interaction with his younger siblings (boy 4 & girl 2) and attempts to control them. If his commands are not adhered to, he will yell and threaten etc. He cannot tolerate his younger brother superseding him in any way: "you a …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

August 9th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My brother went through a very difficult tekufah as a teenager. There was a period of a few years when he was not at all frum. B'H he is doing much better now and continues to grow. He has always been welcome in my home and behaved appropriately around my children (his nephews). He is great with them, they love him and he adores them. As my children grow older I am becoming more concerned about his influence on them. He is not alw …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 3rd, 2018

Juxtaposition – Parshat Ekev I love this word. I love the way it sounds, what it means and even just saying it. It is simply a cool word. In Hebrew exegesis, this term is called 'semichut', meaning adjacency (is there such a word?). It is used to derive legal precepts,  philosophical principles and moral behavior. It is famously used in this week's parsha, Parshat Ekev. The Gemara notes that when throughout Tanach we find a descriptio …
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Author: Evan Steele

August 2nd, 2018

As therapists, we know all too well the importance of self-care.  When exposed to the level of trauma, pain, and tzarus that we encounter on a daily basis, the need to develop ways to manage and sit with this pain is self-evident.  When I hear my colleagues speak of where to turn for models and methods of self-care, however, I’m somewhat puzzled and troubled by who they don’t seem to turn to, namely Great Torah Individuals ( …
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Author: Evan Steele

July 26th, 2018

As therapists and humans, we know all too well the universality of externalizing, especially in relationships and especially in marriages.  Indeed, we can go back all the way to Adam HaRishon to find this ubiquitous behavior.  What moves me to write, however, is a phenomenon that I have encountered with clients, and, let’s be honest, with myself as well.  That is the experience of hearing a Rov or other wise person speak abou …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 26th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am very concerned about the group of friends that my 14-year-old son has chosen. He has changed a lot for the worse since they started hanging out. It's a whole "pack" that spends all their time together and they are all negative influences on each other. The mesivta is struggling to try and figure out how to deal with them. I am hopeful that you could suggest a way that we could separate him from them. All our request …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 27th, 2018

From Tragedy to Rebuild – Parshat Vaetchanan Or From Chazon to Nachamu We go through many events in life. Some pleasant. Some not. Those which are pleasant we enjoy, we photograph, we experience, laugh and appreciate the experience. We look back nostalgically at these events. There is a prevailing sense that all is good at that moment. We are quite happy to 'live the moment'.1 There are other events which are less pleasant. They cause pai …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 19th, 2018

Force the Issue – Parshat Devarim We all have dreams. I am not talking about the nighttime variety, rather, the dreams and fantasies of how life could be. We dream, we plan, we organize ourselves based on our experience, our knowledge of how things work and how we wish them to be. Do our dreams always work out? No. Not always. When they do it's great and we celebrate that event. What do we do, though, if they don’t? Do we give up? Pos …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 18th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I have a problem falling asleep so I take sleeping pills. They leave me feeling groggy throughout the day. My question, dear panelists, is: is it better to lie in bed awake until I’d fall asleep naturally, if ever, and be tired the next day, or to sleep with the pills and be tired the next day?   Response: As a non-prescriber, I cannot speak to the effects of various medications, whether over-the-counter or prescribed. …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 13th, 2018

REVENGE! – Parshat Mattot-Masei Have you ever felt your heart beating from anger with someone? Or have that sense that you need to get someone back for what they’ve done to you? Mayor Ed Koch of New York City replied to a question about someone who had wronged him: "I don’t get mad. I get even." Revenge is a very human characteristic. We bear grudges and seek new and creative ways to get back at those who've wronged us. It may e …
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Author: Reuven Weinreb

July 12th, 2018

                                                                            

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Author: Reuven Weinreb

July 12th, 2018

   Leading you along your path to achieving the joyful,  vibrant life of your dreams.         What could you achieve if you had more motivation, more ambition, higher self-esteem, more perseverance,greater confidence, more energy and less physical pain? We can help you get there!  Call L’CHAIM to Life today!   Our modalities: NLP, massage therapy (women only), energy healing, and more Co …
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Author: Lili Bernstein (Goralnick), LCSW-R

July 8th, 2018

 To my Client with BPD; You came to me from a colleague with those dreaded words, “this one’s for you…” I aged three years just trying to get you to sign my policies and consents. But by the time we were finished drawing and picking apart your family tree, we were bonding in mutual amazement- mine at your brave story and you of my piecing together of your story. Your letter and expressions of appreciation mean a lot, …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 5th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your weekly column, I really enjoy the panelists’ responses. I have decided to seek therapy because of my eating habits and low self-esteem. I started seeing a therapist with whom I was very happy and I enjoyed going every week. After around two months the therapist informed me that she will be opening her own private practice and referred me to a different therapist. I had a very hard time with this as …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 5th, 2018

Repeat, Say Again and Reiterate – Parshat Pinchas In public speaking classes, they discuss the concept of repetition of certain themes which are central to the presentation. They point out the importance of repetition and how to execute it without seeming boring or obnoxious. It helps drive the point home. The Torah, which is usually very stingy with words, retells the story of Korach 3 times, including this week's parsha - each time in a …
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Author: Michali Friedman, LCSW

July 2nd, 2018

Dear Michali, My kallah and I are getting married in six weeks and as excited as I am to get married I have some concerns.  I don’t know if it’s just the stage of engagement, but my kallah seems to be on a daily shopping spree, spending more money than what we would have together after the wedding and this is a big issue for me.  As it is, money will be tighter than what she grew up with and her current spending habits make …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 28th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My son is a very sensitive boy and every time I tell him “no” or reprimand him for something, as I would to any of my other children, he always looks deeply hurt. Should I treat him differently than, or the same as, my other children? I feel that in life he will have to deal with “no”s and not everything will go his way and people will tell him off. Am I correct in my judgment?   Response: Your questio …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 26th, 2018

Guiding our Life – Parshat Balak Usually we live life looking forward. We have a daily calendar, a weekly schedule and in business we talk about the 5-year-plan. It is all based on projections made about how we approach our dreams of where we want to be and choices we make about how we wish to live our days. We see this too, in Parshat Balak, when Bilaam blessed the Jewish people, he praised their deaths, "Let me die the death of the straig …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 25th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Thank you so much for your insightful column each week. I gain a tremendous amount from your suggestions and advice. I am hoping that you can guide us. We B'H have a wonderful almost 10-year-old son; he is a fantastic kid, smart, conscientious, studious, well-behaved, bright, a real baal middos and a budding talmid chacham. He brings us a tremendous amount of nachas. The problem is that he likes to ea …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 19th, 2018

A Snake on a Staff – Parshat Chukat There are a number of idioms and phrases whose source is unknown and have slithered their way into our language (pun intended…groan). In fact, you can search online for a list of reptilian, bovine, porcine, and general mammalian phrases and idioms. As an amateur etymologist, I find it quite fascinating and have fun with these usages. I find it quite cool that the logo of the American Medical Assoc …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 14th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am a 19-year-old bachur in a top yeshiva. I have tremendous emotional difficulties: anxiety, panic attacks, obsessive looping, and depression. I also struggle with trauma and an unhealthy childhood. While I was skeptical of therapy, I decided to give it a try. I saw a highly recommended therapist for 8 months and found it to be a disappointing experience.  While it helped me gain clarity about myself and a brillia …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 14th, 2018

Dream or Accept Reality – Parshat  Korach We are taught by dreamers to dream and by realists to accept reality. They are both right – we need to dream and we need to accept reality as is. The challenge comes when the dream flies in the face of reality. But don't  dreams always fly in the face of reality? There is a story about Walt Disney's brother who was giving a tour of the about-to-be-opened amusement park, Disneyworld, …
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Author: Reuven Weinreb

June 7th, 2018

Because fears and doubts were making it harder and harder for me to work, I decided to try NLP therapy. I wondered if such a short-term therapy could really help me, but I was desperate, so I tried it.

I was, not pleasantly, but stunningly, surprised by the results. Over just a few weeks I became relaxed and confident, and returned to a full-day work schedule with a peaceful mind.

I can tell that some fear is still there, bu …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 7th, 2018

Dear Therapist: There is a specific issue that I have been holding in for a long time. I understand that it is something that is very serious and needs to be discussed with a therapist. The issue is that it is a very serious thing that I am worried will need to be brought to the attention of the authorities. This is something I don’t want to happen. So, I am stuck, not getting the help that I need. Obviously, I can’t be specific …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 7th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I know this sounds almost cliché but I can’t get my wife to stop spending money. Sounds like a bad joke no? I work hard and make a very nice living but she seems to have no awareness of financial responsibility. Whenever I speak to her she feels bad about it but it doesn’t really stop her. I don’t want to turn this into a huge fight, and she is sensitive to confrontation, but I’m telling you it&rsquo …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 6th, 2018

What if You Can't Find Meaning – Parshat Shelach Occasionally, I will get a client asking me about Dr. Viktor Frankl, the author of Mans's Search for Meaning, and how to find meaning in life. After a few moments they might say, "I've been looking for meaning but find nothing. What now?" Indeed, what now? Give up? Keep searching? What? This is an age-old question. In Parshat Shelach, we read about how the Israelites had been in the desert f …
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Author: Lili Bernstein (Goralnick), LCSW-R

June 1st, 2018

A Therapist Redecorates            I had just experienced a tragic loss, and felt my whole world had collapsed. My own skin didn't even feel safe. But here, in this room, with my life raft, my wise and reassuring therapist, I felt, at times that I could be okay again someday. Bridging my current devastation with a first look at my childhood trauma was something akin to doing yoga in a 6.7 earthqua …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 25th, 2018

Say It to Own It – Parshat Naso We know that words have power. They can hurt. They can calm. They can comfort and soothe. Words, through the help of certain techniques, can help us to overcome trauma. In recovering from my own heart attack, I shared my story of the events leading up to the hospitalization as they unfolded. I noticed afterwards that I had retold that story a number of times and in varying amounts of detail. Later I understo …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 18th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My sister has always thought that everyone was out to get her. She is extremely insecure and very sensitive. Now her paranoia has increased to the point where she is in a fight with everyone in her family. She is furious at me because she thinks I didn’t try hard enough to get her kids into high school. She thinks my husband ruined her kids’ shidduchim. She thinks my brothers are trying to push her husband out of …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 18th, 2018

Count Off! – Parshat Bamidbar
I was once amazed when a friend of mine studying political science explained different diplomatic terms and how they really meant something different. A window of opportunity is different than a doorway. A road to peace means one thing while a pathway means something else. It is not just personal style or creative speaking. I have also tried to develop a similar discerning eye when studying Torah but see …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 15th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Our 11-year-old son has been stealing things from his friends in school. We keep finding things in his room that we know he didn’t get from us.  Recently he admitted that he took a toy from another boy’s briefcase. We are devastated. We give him everything he needs and he comes from a house that I would say has excellent chinuch. I have no idea where he picked up such a horrible thing. Additionally, we are very wo …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 15th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am 14 years old, in mesivta, and I have no friends. I never really fit in. I am not interested in sports and the things that other kids are into. I feel very lonely and spend most of my day reading. I have always been very shy and I am not comfortable talking to anyone. My parents are not nogeah to talk to. Please help me. Thank you.   Response: I’m sorry that you feel that you don’t fit in. It&rs …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 11th, 2018

Don’t Know Why, But… - Parshat Bechukotai In creative or professional writing there is always an emphasis on keeping everything in the same tense, person, manner, etc. I have been sent back an article because I wasn’t consistent throughout the article in one or more of these issues. Truth is, despite my being upset that I have to rewrite certain parts, I even agree with the editor. The whole article just looks and feels better …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 27th, 2018

From Victim to Victor – Parshat Emor There are certain truths that people generally agree to. "Suffering and death are inescapable realities of life," writes Dr. Teria Shantall in her book on Holocaust survivors.1 Or as Ben Franklin famously said, "in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes."2 That seems to be the accepted fact that bad news and suffering are an inevitable part of our lives. I mention …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

April 26th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Our daughter has recently asked us to see (and pay for) a therapist. She says that her reasons for this are because she feels empty, without direction in life, and is not finding fulfillment. She is 22 years old, has never had any issues before, had no major difficulties in life, has a good job and has always done well. My husband and I have always felt that she could be a little more sincere with her yiddishkeit. She does ev …
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Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

April 26th, 2018

characters in this article are fictional, created for the purpose of portraying therapeutic process. "I dont have any specific trauma. I've never been in a car accident and I wasn't bullied when I was little. So then why am I suffering so much on the inside? Why do I feel like the light on the inside is dim? Why do I have a hard time trusting myself and letting others come close?" This confusion exists in many clients who reach out and are brave …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

April 20th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My 10-year-old son constantly needs to be entertained. He is never able to just sit still and keep himself busy. He enjoys listening to Jewish tapes of stories (Rabbi Erps, Rebbe Hill, etc.) but he will listen for 5 hours straight. And he will constantly kvetch about not being able to listen if we don’t allow it. Is it healthy for someone to spend that much time like that? It’s like he has become obsessed wit …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 20th, 2018

Holy is Not a 'Four-Letter Word' – Parshat Acharei Mot-Kedoshim How we express ourselves publically in our western civilization is an issue that has more or less gained widespread agreement. Part of that understanding are words that due to their content and meaning are censored out of statements made publically. These words, called euphemistically 4-letter words, are often not used at all publically to prevent the need for censoring a …
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