Author: Reuven Weinreb

February 26th, 2018

I would like to call your attention to an all-important psychological principle.It is true that sometimes a person may behave improperly because of ignorance, but more often people do have the knowledge that should stop them from doing wrong, yet, this knowledge does not appear to impact upon their behavior.
The phenomenon of being oblivious to that which one knows is referred to as denial. Denial is not the same as lying, because lying is …
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Author: Reuven Weinreb

February 21st, 2018

Yitzhak is a lively, friendly, Israeli 42-year-old father and Rabbi that teaches young and impressionable children. He is a religious man who is addicted to smoking. He wants to quit, and has tried nicotine patches, nicotine gum, and other conventional approaches, but always ended up going right back to smoking. Finally he came to me.
I decided to use the Meta-program process (a method that clarifies and improves thought processe …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

February 26th, 2018

We assume that there is a mitzvah to raise children to become bnei and bnos Torah, a mitzvah of chinuch habanim.  Is there such a mitzvah, and if so, what is the source for it? It appears from the Rambam in Sefer haMitzvos that the Torah only requires us to teach Torah to our students.  The Rambam points out that the Sifri on the term “v’shinantum l’vanecha”  (Devorim 6:5) says this refers to students.  …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 27th, 2018

Masks and Us – Parshat Ki Tissa/Purim It is really cool how the weekly Torah reading seems to be especially chosen to correspond with current events, personal milestones or events in the Jewish calendar. Or maybe it is simply our creative ability to find throughout the Torah those messages which are particularly applicable to these events. Or perhaps the Torah is just so full of meaning that we can always find these meaningful correlating …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 23rd, 2018

The Beauty and the Priest – Part II – Parshat Tetzaveh Choosing a name for the blog has been a rare pleasure that I surprisingly look forward to when sitting down to write. I liked this title the first time around1 and just had to give it another round. The fact that it is the week before Purim also allows for a certain light, Purimmy atmosphere. We recall the kohen being commanded in Parshat Tetzaveh to wear special clothes for honor …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 21st, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am an adult and I have a problem. I get extremely impatient to the point of becoming highly aggravated when sitting at drawn-out events. For example, sitting at a Shabbos meal at a relative’s house gets me nervous if they extend it too long. Waiting at a doctor’s office or at a line in a supermarket can almost put me into a rage. I can't hang around too long at a wedding if I am not doing anything there. I am an adul …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 16th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My son (age 26) was diagnosed with anxiety by our family physician a few years back. I took him to a psychiatrist and he was given medication. He does very well when he is on the medication but I find he constantly skips doses. Even more concerning is that without telling me he will try and take himself off the medicine to see how he can do without it. I will often notice that he isn’t doing well and will confront him and re …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 13th, 2018

Am I Really Open? – Parshat Terumah I really like when Torah and psychological precepts parallel each other. It's kind of cool. The Torah, after all, is not just a set of general laws but rather more than that – much more than that. I also happen to like that the Torah precept comes about from a grammatical anomaly. The verse in Parshat Terumah reads: "And they will make for me a sanctuary and I will dwell in them."1 If we are to …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 7th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I boruch Hashem have two very wonderful young boys, ages 9 and 7. They fight a lot. I find that I am constantly refereeing their fighting. Part of me wants to just let them deal with it themselves but they wind up coming and crying to me at some point. I have no idea how I am supposed to judge and arbitrate 15 disagreements a day.  Please give me some tips on how to manage this.   Response: You presented your c …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 6th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Our daughter went to seminary in Israel this year. This was something she had very much wanted and was looking forward to. Basically, since Succos she has been telling us how miserable she is and that she wants to come home. She is too old to be homesick and I’m not sure what is going on. She has never been the most independent girl but I didn’t think she would have such a problem there. The mechanchos&n …
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Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

February 1st, 2018

Satiating the Need for Emotional Connection In the past blog I discussed the concept  of emotional hunger.  If you’re in relationships that feel disconnected or where you're left thirsty for real, steady connections, read on.  What are emotional needs? And what does it meant to feel emotionally satiated? Emotional hunger is similar, yet different to physical hunger. Try to remember the last time that you were incredibly hungr …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 1st, 2018

One Nation, Indivisible - Parshat Yitro Each week I look for something meaningful in the parsha and then see if it helps us in our search for meaning. If yes, then "voila!" The blog is born. If not, I continue my search. If I'm not sure, then I soul search. Is it really meaningful or am I forcing it? Is it meaningful only to me or can it be meaningful to others? And so, I found myself wondering if unity has value in its own right or is it just a …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

January 29th, 2018

Who rules your child?  Who decides what she is going to do and what she is not going to do? Do you as parents make these determinations?  Does her school make these decisions for her? Does it depend on her age?  Do you think you choose for her until she begins school and then school makes the choices for her?  And when she becomes a little older, her peers make the choices? None of the above.  No matter how old she is.&nb …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 25th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am a single boy who has been dating for 4 years. Whenever I start dating I get tremendous pressure from my parents to get married. I can’t think straight when I am dating because of all the pressure; of course, the shaddchanim join in as well. I have started saying no to any shidduchim that are read to me because I can’t put myself through this again. My parents seem to think that all the girls I …
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Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

January 27th, 2018

What is this thing we call hunger?  Hunger represents the physiological need to eat food. Feeling satiated is the absence of hunger. Appetite is the desire to eat food. When your belly is empty, the hormone called ghrelin is produced by the stomach triggering a hunger message. Satiety is the feeling of fullness that tells you to stop eating.  Now let's look at emotional  hunger, its sensations and how it pl …
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Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

January 1st, 2023

  WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO FEEL SAFE? You feel safe when you know you're cared for, that you're protected from danger and you have someone who has their eye out for you. When you're choosing who to bring into your life, it's important to know how to assess the healthy people from the potentially dangerous people. The ones who offer a sense of safety and let go of the ones who bring chaos, drama or danger.  YOU CAN LEARN HOW TO FILTER "SAFE …
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Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

February 5th, 2018

The line is thin. The line of appreciating your parents for who they are and who they were as they raised you, while birthing your own inner voice of the kind of parent you want to be for your children.  The line is thin because there is a balance that we need to be cognizant of. Our parents have their stories and so do their parents. We have our hopes, dreams and aspirations as did they. I have never met a parent who hasn't tried their …
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Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

January 24th, 2018

Survivors of trauma, just like anyone else, deserve to be able to have meaningful love relationships. Yet, just like a traveler needs to plan ahead and pack their "kit for the road", trauma survivors may hit some tricky steps in building relationships and may gain from knowing possible worries, bumps or confusion that may come up along the way.  Let's look for a moment at how the impacts of trauma can show up in current or future relationshi …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 25th, 2018

Memento – Parshat Beshalach  Pictures, medals, diplomas, testimonials, and, yes, mementos are just some of the items that people keep around their homes. These help them remember accomplishments, people, events and places from their past – usually associated with pleasant memories. "The good ol' days" still seem to have an allure to us even though they were not always as good as we sometimes make them out to be. These mementos c …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

January 21st, 2018

You have no reason to be disappointed. I hope you have never said that to your child. Even if you explained it. No one gets everything they want. You have plenty of other things. Things don’t always turn out the way we want them to. In the greater scheme of things, this isn’t a big deal. Any one of these statements may be true.  That doesn’t mean your child has no reason to be disappointed. Disappointment is an emotion, an …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 19th, 2018

Physical or Spiritual Beings? – Parshat Bo or The Jewish Black Box It is often fascinating how we view ourselves. On the one hand we see ourselves as physical – how can we not? We have a physical body with physical wants and needs similar to those of flora and fauna. On the other hand, we see humans who in certain situations can respond on such a high spiritual level that it is obvious to the average onlooker that this level of existe …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 15th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Thank you to the Yated for this excellent column which I read weekly. I am writing regarding my father. My father is an extremely bright person and a professional who has been working the same job for many years. As he has recently entered his 60’s I notice that he just seems to be very down. My youngest sister recently got married and there is no one living at home any more. I also see that the younger people seem to be adv …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 10th, 2018

Attitude towards Suffering - Parshat Vaeira We read the same Torah portion every year and yet still there are things we may have missed. This challenges us to continue to study the Torah from different vantage points and keeps the study fresh and exciting. In a class by Rabbi Baruch Simon,1 I had a similar experience. He notes, while discussing Parshat Vaeira, that every year at the Pesach Seder, we mention that the 4 cups of wine that …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 7th, 2018

The Truth About Lies, Part I – Parshat Shemot Is it okay to lie? If so, in every situation? And what is so 'okay' about white lies? Are they okay as long as no one gets hurt? Is it okay if it's only to cover up my own faults (ie. The dog ate my homework)? And what's ok with that? Before I start, I wish to make it clear that I am not yet providing answers (for I am not sure that I have those answers) but, rather, opening up a question to pon …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 3rd, 2018

Dear Therapist: I have a friend who is really struggling and after many conversations he has finally agreed to go to therapy. We did a lot of research and have found some therapists that would suit him. Unfortunately he cannot afford to pay for therapy. I have offered to pay for therapy but the therapist does not want to allow us to do so. He says he believes that it is important for the patient to pay for therapy themselves and that it is not a …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 3rd, 2018

Dear Therapist: My question is short, but not so simple. I am an addict. Being an addict is very challenging, painful and lonely, but it’s extra difficult to suffer from this disease in the Jewish community. It’s such a stigma and I have to hide my whole life from everyone. My question is, how can I learn to accept and love myself, to forgive myself for all the wrong I’ve done when I know that if people knew I am an addict, I wo …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 28th, 2017

Etched in Stone? - Parshat Vayechi In studying different forms of therapy, whether logotherapy, NLP or others, there is an emphasis on the words people use. How we use words and in what context often displays what a person is thinking and feeling inside. We can even deduce from these words things which were not said. We have discussed in the past how the Torah, too, counts its words and that every word has its contextual and individual meaning. S …
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Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

December 25th, 2017

I've been approached by gentle, caring parents, family members and siblings of someone who has been through a trauma. They've been asking how to care for their loved one who has been through A big trauma or a small trauma. Here's the thing about trauma; even when it's over, it never really goes away. Yet the need for connection, the ability to love, and the innate desire to be embraced by others and life is always aflame.  Yes, goo …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 20th, 2017

Good Radiation? – Parshat Vayigash I tend to imagine that when world leaders meet, they spend much of their time discussing major issues that affect their countries' interests. Maybe I am naïve but that is the sense I get. So it is surprising that when in Parshat Vayigash, where it tells of when Pharaoh first met Yaakov, the first question Pharaoh asks has nothing to do with the condition of the famine, the financial situation in  …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 20th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I have many people in my life whom I feel have an inferiority complex and are in constant need of compliments and appreciation. Yet as much as I try I can't seem to fill their needs and they always feel I am under-appreciating their work. If they send me a cake for Shabbos I need to thank before, after, and once again. How do I feed their never satiated need for praise and compliments? It’s also very difficult for me to deal …
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Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

December 18th, 2017

Just this past week Time magazine published its cover page titled "Person of the Year 2017: The Silence Breakers". In there, Tarana Burke, creator of #metoo speaks about #metoo not just being a moment, rather it's a movement. A time to make a change. Burke speaks of the importance of setting actionable steps in keeping the momentum, to create a rippled effect that will have lasting change on society.  As a trauma therapist I am gra …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 13th, 2017

Dear Therapist: At about age eleven or twelve my girls drift away from their one good friend and begin to spend time with other girls. This pattern has repeated itself several times. I think that the original friends have felt somewhat abandoned by this. I don't want to control my daughters' friendships. However, I don't want anyone to be hurt and I would like to see that my daughters have the meedah of loyalty. If this is a normal patt …
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Author: Allan J. Katz LPC/CSAT

December 11th, 2017

The Trauma of Internet Infidelity One of the justifications of people who view inappropriate material on the Internet is that they are not hurting anyone.  After all, it’s just images, no one else knows.  However, when you look deeper you begin to realize that cybersex is indeed affecting your relationship with your spouse, children, even yourself.   When they finally get caught by their spouse, or their children walk in …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 12th, 2017

Keep a Clear Head – Parshat Miketz Don’t you just love when people tell you to keep a clear head when you are in the middle of a crisis? Don’t they realize that you may be turning to them for advice because it is hard to retain proportion? To be fair, most people in fact don’t realize it and for them it seems the most logical advice to offer. The funny thing is we may even know that they are right. But because of the crisi …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 7th, 2017

Dear Therapist: Hi. The concern I am writing about is my almost 15-year-old son.  He is Boruch Hashem a masmid. However, his personal hygiene is lacking. I do not recall ever having had an issue with him regarding this matter when he was a child.  He showered, brushed his teeth and followed all the other norms regarding personal hygiene. I actually did try speaking to him about it a few times but he brushes me off.  …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 8th, 2017

How do You Know? – Parshat Vayeshev Y'know those times when you're not really sure what to do? You gotta take matters into your own hands. It seems to be the most natural and obvious solution. But wait, don’t I have to trust in God? Yeah, but you can't rely on miracles. So which is it? How do you know? In one of the most difficult rebukes of Yoseph's behavior, Rashi takes Yoseph to task for not trusting enough in God. At the very end …
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Author: Michali Friedman, LCSW

December 5th, 2017

Healthy parents want their children to surpass them.  Biologically we are primed to take this evolutionary initiative to strengthen our genetic codes for the next generation.  We achieve this through a variety of parenting techniques that hone our children’s skills and abilities and diminish their weaknesses.  Discipline is one of the most widely used techniques that can be effective in decreasing negative behaviors whil …
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Author: Allan J. Katz LPC/CSAT

December 3rd, 2017

Our culture, media, and entertainment bombard us online and offline with objectification and sexualization of women every second of the day. A person cannot look at a national news article online without scrolling down to see the latest movie star posing nude or some teacher having an affair with a student. The themes of many TV shows portray women as objects for men's fantasies and pleasures. Rap songs, which I never listen to, are full of derog …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

November 30th, 2017

Dear Therapist: What options are there for someone who clearly needs treatment but refuses to get it? I am currently involved with two cases where the person has serious issues that are affecting themselves and their families but won’t go for help.  In one case the person is so depressed they barely leave the house for anything and won’t even hear of it. In the other case the person thinks there is nothing wrong with them but the …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 30th, 2017

The Struggle Against the Unknown – Parshat Vayishlach We have all struggled at some point in our lives. Some of us may even be facing a struggle now. Some struggles have been great some have been minor. A few of them may have been long-lasting while others were over quickly. Maybe we can even point out what we gained from the struggle, maybe we can't. But we have all been there. In one of the most mysterious passages in all of the Torah, th …
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