Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

April 16th, 2018

Kids are not the ones who necessarily need to sit down with a therapist.  When parents gain the tools to manage stress and their own emotions in a healthy way, they’re better prepared to be there for their children.  Kids react to their environment.  When the adults are able to put children’s needs before their own, that’s when we see children behaving differently. They feel nurtured. (Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD. Cited …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

April 13th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Although your responses will be too late to be beneficial to me, I hope that by writing into this panel your responses will guide others who may be dealing with a similar dilemma. My wife’s father was recently niftar after a relatively brief illness. There was a lot of disagreement between my wife and me as to how much our 3 children (ages 12, 10 and 7) should participate in the levaya, shiva etc. My …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 5th, 2018

Sharp Turn – Parshat Shemini/7th of Pesach * Juxtapositions of the Jewish calendar and the weekly parsha have rarely captured my interest but this week the change in focus from the chag to the parsha seems so sharp that I couldn't help not noticing it. Writing in the afternoon before the last day of Pesach (surprisingly, and thanks to my wife, I have enough time to do that), I look forward to the holiday where we celebrate the completion of …
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Author: Reuven Weinreb

April 1st, 2018

Setting your goals, not the goals meant for someone else. Example, a person born with a handicap might not objectively accomplish as much as someone with out that handicap. When you utilize your time and energy, you subjectively accomplished more and that's what counts in the long run when our life is taken into consideration. Set reachable goals and feel profound pleasure and joy in the daily actions you take to reach them. Each action might see …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 30th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I took my first cigarette in 9th grade. I have been smoking steadily for the past 15 years. If I am honest I realize that it is a big health risk but that doesn’t seem to motivate me to stop. I guess I kind of “want to want” to stop. It certainly would make my wife and parents happy.  My questions are: 1. Do you have any suggestions as to how to become more motivated to quit?  2. Are there any specific …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 30th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My best friend recently became engaged. I should be overjoyed; however, I am very afraid for her. She has never had great self-esteem and is not a great judge of character. Her chosson does not appear to be a good person at all. He doesn’t treat her with respect and is constantly making demeaning remarks to her in front of everyone. You can tell a lot from the way others talk about him as well. I feel like she just …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 27th, 2018

Personal Freedom – Pesach We often focus at the Seder table on the first night of Pesach, on the redemption of the Jewish people from Egypt. We speak of our trials and tribulations, the cruelty of the Egyptians and the miracle of the redemption. We do so through an inspiring mix of homiletic passages, vignettes and song in a manner which is lively, spontaneous and full of emotion. It is an evening of song and thanksgiving. Yet there is also …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 16th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My husband has had a job in finance for around 15 years. He is very good at it and makes a nice living but it is a stressful job and he is under a lot of pressure. He has recently begun complaining a lot and is overwhelmed by work. He took off a few weeks recently and that helped, but only briefly. He is talking about changing careers but I don’t know why he suddenly can’t handle it. He says he just isn’t interes …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 16th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I appreciate your column and insights and I would like to get your opinion on something that has been bothering me for a long time. I am afraid to do hagbah. I have only done it once in my life (with a really small Sefer Torah). I should be strong enough but I just have such a fear that I will drop the Sefer. I usually duck out of shul when it’s time for hagbah so that the gabbai won’t approach me. If I do get asked I …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 16th, 2018

Thank you for your column. I really enjoy it. I am a teenage girl who bh has many things going for me; I have a great, loving family, plenty of friends, good grades and all in all I am very happy. I do suffer from trichotillomania (I pull out my hair). But just to make it clear those who don't know would not be able to tell. My friends know and really don't think about it—it really has no effect on my life. Do you think it is necessary to g …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 14th, 2018

Mind Your Business - Parshat Vayikra Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes there are no victims and sometimes there are some very real victims. If we do in fact cause harm to others, we apologize due to a sense of social or moral obligation to them. We need to acknowledge that others may be hurt because of our mistake. This apology, though, is simply to fulfill a "debt" to the other. We have wronged the other and "owe" him an apology. But what if n …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

March 11th, 2018

What is the point of punishment?  What is it supposed to accomplish?  We’ll look at types of punishment used by parents with children, but first let’s look at punishment as it relates to criminals. The four most common theories of punishment of criminals are: retribution, deterrence, rehabilitation, and incapacitation.  (The Oxford Handbook of Criminal Law, Edited by Markus D. Dubber and Tatjana Hörnle, Part III, S …
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Author: Reuven Weinreb

February 26th, 2018

I would like to call your attention to an all-important psychological principle.It is true that sometimes a person may behave improperly because of ignorance, but more often people do have the knowledge that should stop them from doing wrong, yet, this knowledge does not appear to impact upon their behavior.
The phenomenon of being oblivious to that which one knows is referred to as denial. Denial is not the same as lying, because lying is …
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Author: Reuven Weinreb

February 21st, 2018

Yitzhak is a lively, friendly, Israeli 42-year-old father and Rabbi that teaches young and impressionable children. He is a religious man who is addicted to smoking. He wants to quit, and has tried nicotine patches, nicotine gum, and other conventional approaches, but always ended up going right back to smoking. Finally he came to me.
I decided to use the Meta-program process (a method that clarifies and improves thought processe …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

February 26th, 2018

We assume that there is a mitzvah to raise children to become bnei and bnos Torah, a mitzvah of chinuch habanim.  Is there such a mitzvah, and if so, what is the source for it? It appears from the Rambam in Sefer haMitzvos that the Torah only requires us to teach Torah to our students.  The Rambam points out that the Sifri on the term “v’shinantum l’vanecha”  (Devorim 6:5) says this refers to students.  …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 27th, 2018

Masks and Us – Parshat Ki Tissa/Purim It is really cool how the weekly Torah reading seems to be especially chosen to correspond with current events, personal milestones or events in the Jewish calendar. Or maybe it is simply our creative ability to find throughout the Torah those messages which are particularly applicable to these events. Or perhaps the Torah is just so full of meaning that we can always find these meaningful correlating …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 23rd, 2018

The Beauty and the Priest – Part II – Parshat Tetzaveh Choosing a name for the blog has been a rare pleasure that I surprisingly look forward to when sitting down to write. I liked this title the first time around1 and just had to give it another round. The fact that it is the week before Purim also allows for a certain light, Purimmy atmosphere. We recall the kohen being commanded in Parshat Tetzaveh to wear special clothes for honor …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 21st, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am an adult and I have a problem. I get extremely impatient to the point of becoming highly aggravated when sitting at drawn-out events. For example, sitting at a Shabbos meal at a relative’s house gets me nervous if they extend it too long. Waiting at a doctor’s office or at a line in a supermarket can almost put me into a rage. I can't hang around too long at a wedding if I am not doing anything there. I am an adul …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 16th, 2018

Dear Therapist: My son (age 26) was diagnosed with anxiety by our family physician a few years back. I took him to a psychiatrist and he was given medication. He does very well when he is on the medication but I find he constantly skips doses. Even more concerning is that without telling me he will try and take himself off the medicine to see how he can do without it. I will often notice that he isn’t doing well and will confront him and re …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 13th, 2018

Am I Really Open? – Parshat Terumah I really like when Torah and psychological precepts parallel each other. It's kind of cool. The Torah, after all, is not just a set of general laws but rather more than that – much more than that. I also happen to like that the Torah precept comes about from a grammatical anomaly. The verse in Parshat Terumah reads: "And they will make for me a sanctuary and I will dwell in them."1 If we are to …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 7th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I boruch Hashem have two very wonderful young boys, ages 9 and 7. They fight a lot. I find that I am constantly refereeing their fighting. Part of me wants to just let them deal with it themselves but they wind up coming and crying to me at some point. I have no idea how I am supposed to judge and arbitrate 15 disagreements a day.  Please give me some tips on how to manage this.   Response: You presented your c …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 6th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Our daughter went to seminary in Israel this year. This was something she had very much wanted and was looking forward to. Basically, since Succos she has been telling us how miserable she is and that she wants to come home. She is too old to be homesick and I’m not sure what is going on. She has never been the most independent girl but I didn’t think she would have such a problem there. The mechanchos&n …
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Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

February 1st, 2018

Satiating the Need for Emotional Connection In the past blog I discussed the concept  of emotional hunger.  If you’re in relationships that feel disconnected or where you're left thirsty for real, steady connections, read on.  What are emotional needs? And what does it meant to feel emotionally satiated? Emotional hunger is similar, yet different to physical hunger. Try to remember the last time that you were incredibly hungr …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 1st, 2018

One Nation, Indivisible - Parshat Yitro Each week I look for something meaningful in the parsha and then see if it helps us in our search for meaning. If yes, then "voila!" The blog is born. If not, I continue my search. If I'm not sure, then I soul search. Is it really meaningful or am I forcing it? Is it meaningful only to me or can it be meaningful to others? And so, I found myself wondering if unity has value in its own right or is it just a …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

January 29th, 2018

Who rules your child?  Who decides what she is going to do and what she is not going to do? Do you as parents make these determinations?  Does her school make these decisions for her? Does it depend on her age?  Do you think you choose for her until she begins school and then school makes the choices for her?  And when she becomes a little older, her peers make the choices? None of the above.  No matter how old she is.&nb …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 25th, 2018

Dear Therapist: I am a single boy who has been dating for 4 years. Whenever I start dating I get tremendous pressure from my parents to get married. I can’t think straight when I am dating because of all the pressure; of course, the shaddchanim join in as well. I have started saying no to any shidduchim that are read to me because I can’t put myself through this again. My parents seem to think that all the girls I …
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Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

January 27th, 2018

What is this thing we call hunger?  Hunger represents the physiological need to eat food. Feeling satiated is the absence of hunger. Appetite is the desire to eat food. When your belly is empty, the hormone called ghrelin is produced by the stomach triggering a hunger message. Satiety is the feeling of fullness that tells you to stop eating.  Now let's look at emotional  hunger, its sensations and how it pl …
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Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

January 1st, 2023

  WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO FEEL SAFE? You feel safe when you know you're cared for, that you're protected from danger and you have someone who has their eye out for you. When you're choosing who to bring into your life, it's important to know how to assess the healthy people from the potentially dangerous people. The ones who offer a sense of safety and let go of the ones who bring chaos, drama or danger.  YOU CAN LEARN HOW TO FILTER "SAFE …
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Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

February 5th, 2018

The line is thin. The line of appreciating your parents for who they are and who they were as they raised you, while birthing your own inner voice of the kind of parent you want to be for your children.  The line is thin because there is a balance that we need to be cognizant of. Our parents have their stories and so do their parents. We have our hopes, dreams and aspirations as did they. I have never met a parent who hasn't tried their …
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Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

January 24th, 2018

Survivors of trauma, just like anyone else, deserve to be able to have meaningful love relationships. Yet, just like a traveler needs to plan ahead and pack their "kit for the road", trauma survivors may hit some tricky steps in building relationships and may gain from knowing possible worries, bumps or confusion that may come up along the way.  Let's look for a moment at how the impacts of trauma can show up in current or future relationshi …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 25th, 2018

Memento – Parshat Beshalach  Pictures, medals, diplomas, testimonials, and, yes, mementos are just some of the items that people keep around their homes. These help them remember accomplishments, people, events and places from their past – usually associated with pleasant memories. "The good ol' days" still seem to have an allure to us even though they were not always as good as we sometimes make them out to be. These mementos c …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

January 21st, 2018

You have no reason to be disappointed. I hope you have never said that to your child. Even if you explained it. No one gets everything they want. You have plenty of other things. Things don’t always turn out the way we want them to. In the greater scheme of things, this isn’t a big deal. Any one of these statements may be true.  That doesn’t mean your child has no reason to be disappointed. Disappointment is an emotion, an …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 19th, 2018

Physical or Spiritual Beings? – Parshat Bo or The Jewish Black Box It is often fascinating how we view ourselves. On the one hand we see ourselves as physical – how can we not? We have a physical body with physical wants and needs similar to those of flora and fauna. On the other hand, we see humans who in certain situations can respond on such a high spiritual level that it is obvious to the average onlooker that this level of existe …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 15th, 2018

Dear Therapist: Thank you to the Yated for this excellent column which I read weekly. I am writing regarding my father. My father is an extremely bright person and a professional who has been working the same job for many years. As he has recently entered his 60’s I notice that he just seems to be very down. My youngest sister recently got married and there is no one living at home any more. I also see that the younger people seem to be adv …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 10th, 2018

Attitude towards Suffering - Parshat Vaeira We read the same Torah portion every year and yet still there are things we may have missed. This challenges us to continue to study the Torah from different vantage points and keeps the study fresh and exciting. In a class by Rabbi Baruch Simon,1 I had a similar experience. He notes, while discussing Parshat Vaeira, that every year at the Pesach Seder, we mention that the 4 cups of wine that …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 7th, 2018

The Truth About Lies, Part I – Parshat Shemot Is it okay to lie? If so, in every situation? And what is so 'okay' about white lies? Are they okay as long as no one gets hurt? Is it okay if it's only to cover up my own faults (ie. The dog ate my homework)? And what's ok with that? Before I start, I wish to make it clear that I am not yet providing answers (for I am not sure that I have those answers) but, rather, opening up a question to pon …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 3rd, 2018

Dear Therapist: I have a friend who is really struggling and after many conversations he has finally agreed to go to therapy. We did a lot of research and have found some therapists that would suit him. Unfortunately he cannot afford to pay for therapy. I have offered to pay for therapy but the therapist does not want to allow us to do so. He says he believes that it is important for the patient to pay for therapy themselves and that it is not a …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 3rd, 2018

Dear Therapist: My question is short, but not so simple. I am an addict. Being an addict is very challenging, painful and lonely, but it’s extra difficult to suffer from this disease in the Jewish community. It’s such a stigma and I have to hide my whole life from everyone. My question is, how can I learn to accept and love myself, to forgive myself for all the wrong I’ve done when I know that if people knew I am an addict, I wo …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 28th, 2017

Etched in Stone? - Parshat Vayechi In studying different forms of therapy, whether logotherapy, NLP or others, there is an emphasis on the words people use. How we use words and in what context often displays what a person is thinking and feeling inside. We can even deduce from these words things which were not said. We have discussed in the past how the Torah, too, counts its words and that every word has its contextual and individual meaning. S …
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Author: Esther Goldstein LCSW, Trauma Specialist

December 25th, 2017

I've been approached by gentle, caring parents, family members and siblings of someone who has been through a trauma. They've been asking how to care for their loved one who has been through A big trauma or a small trauma. Here's the thing about trauma; even when it's over, it never really goes away. Yet the need for connection, the ability to love, and the innate desire to be embraced by others and life is always aflame.  Yes, goo …
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