Author: Shira Frank, LCSW

February 22nd, 2017

Realistic Expectations of Marriage: An Overview 10 Years later By: Shira Frank, LCSW               In general, one's level of satisfaction in one’s marriage is dependent on one’s initial expectations. Either the reality of one's marriage is very close, is very far or has surpassed one's initial expectations. Sometimes after 10 years of marriage, a spouse feels resentment towa …
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Author: Shira Frank, LCSW

February 4th, 2017

Rekindling Sparks In Marriage Shira Frank, LCSW   Q: I have been married for eleven years, and have four children , B'li ayin hora. My husband works late hours to help pay for our children's tuition, and I barley have time to speak to him during the week. (He sleeps through much of Shabbos.) His personality has become quite irritating to me – he just seems to  talk about his work, and doesn't seem to care to be part of my life. I …
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Author: Shira Frank, LCSW

January 17th, 2017

Marital  Conflict By: Shira Frank Dear Shira              I have recently begun to lose patience with my husband, who I have been married to for eleven years. If I tell him something that he doesn’t want to hear, he just ignores me. I have come to constantly screaming to express myself to him, but that doesn’t seem to help. He mentioned that he would like to improve thi …
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Author: Shira Frank, LCSW

January 7th, 2017

Emotional Bankruptcy By: Shira Frank, LCSW   Dear Shira,             I consider myself happily married, but lately, my husband and I seem to be having a problem. We have been having “cold wars” lately where there is no real arguing between us, but I just feel a lot of tension (We are both quite strong willed people by nature, so we make a great attempt to avoid arguing) If so …
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Author: Shira Frank, LCSW

December 31st, 2016

Differences in Marriage By: Shira Frank, LCSW  Q: I have been having difficulty with my husband in recent months. His whole personality is very different from mine – he is very outgoing and friendly, and very much enjoys a lot of social activities. I am more quiet and prefer to stay close to home. Until recently, I used to go along with my husband to any social events, in order to make him happy. But its gotten to a point where I resen …
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Author: Shira Frank, LCSW

December 26th, 2016

Achieving Spiritual Goals in Difficult Home Situations By: Shira Frank LCSW               Upon marriage, a spouse may have specific goals that may or may not be fulfilled, depending on a variety of circumstances in the marriage. There are cases where a spouse finds him/herself at a “standstill” due to a “plateau” in relation to his/her spouse’s spiritua …
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Author: Shira Frank, LCSW

December 26th, 2016

The Need To Grow Up   Q: Dear Shira,           Though I am married with a family for many years, I often feel like a little girl, In relation to my older sister and parents. I thought that once I would have a family of my own, I would be treated differently. Being the youngest, my opinion is not really responded in the family and I’m looked at one who always “needs help.” do you …
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Author: Shira Frank, LCSW

December 26th, 2016

COPING WITH CRITICISM   Dear Shira:     I generally consider myself a happy person and try to see the good in whatever happens to me. Yet, when people criticize me, especially my family or close friends, I take it to heart too much. My husband thinks that I overreact to what is said to me. I try not to become unhappy when feeling insulted, but my efforts are in vain. Do you have any thoughts about this? Answer:  &nb …
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Author: Shira Frank, LCSW

December 26th, 2016

Reforming Stressful Situations By: Shira Frank, LCSW   Dear Shira:             I recently went to my doctor and my blood pressure has gone up. The doctor said I might need medication, but  I’m afraid to start on pills. I don't know many people who stop using them. He said that I should decrease my stress level, but that’s easier said than done. I’ve begun to exer …
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Author: Shira Frank, LCSW

December 26th, 2016

Dealing With Anger                 Anger by its very nature has positive and negative potential. The constructive potential of anger can be seen by those whose anger towards evil consumes them till it motivates them to enact phenomenal good in the world. The rage towards that which is “unholy” and “unG-dly” so to speak, is the motivating force that often …
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Author: Shira Frank, LCSW

June 8th, 2015

Question: Dear Shira:             I am a thirty five year old woman, recently divorced. All the Rabbonim who I consulted felt that divorce was the necessary step for me to take, and I am quite relived to be out of the marriage. However, in recent months, I’ve been having difficulties with my older son in being able to discipline him. He also has mixed feelings after visits with my ex-hu …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 23rd, 2017

The First Thanksgiving – Parshat Vayeitzei We have spoken in past blogs of the magic words of 'please', 'sorry' and 'thank you'. We can agree on the potential importance of these words in creating a more pleasant, humane society. All languages that I checked in the online translator have a word for thank you. Even Esperanto has a word for thank you. That’s why it's so fascinating that Leah is considered the first one to give thanks to …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

November 22nd, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am a young adult with anxiety and I constantly beat myself with mistakes that I make. I was wondering if you can please give me insight on how to deal with it. I'm a bit impulsive. Ex: I spent a bit too much on food recently and now I'm upset that I don't have any money left for more important things that I need. I think very bad thoughts that are not letting me move on in life. I get very tense and have negative thoughts like & …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

November 17th, 2017

Dear Therapist: The time has come in my life for me to make a parnassah to support my family. I am having a difficult time choosing what career path I would like to take and what field I want to get involved in. I am generally not a person who has a hard time making up his mind but I can’t seem to settle on something that I think I would be good at and interested in. Someone mentioned that therapists are trained in career counseli …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 17th, 2017

Existential Angst - Parshat Toledot There are times in everyone's life when things don’t go as planned. One may even feel they are suffering. It may be a one-time event or it may be chronic. How do we get out of that funk? Do we need to wait until the situation clears up or is there something that can be done now? Is there in fact an answer to these questions? We find a similar question being asked by Esav in this week's parsha, Parshat Tol …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

November 8th, 2017

Dear Therapist: Our teenage son has always been a bit of a complicated personality but he does well socially and academically.  Recently we have noticed a trend where he keeps on asking to go to the doctor because of different things that are bothering him physically. My husband and I recently calculated that he has had 6 separate issues in the last year or so. Only once was there actually something wrong (strep); the other times the doctor …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 6th, 2017

Take a Break – Parshat Chayei Sarah When I find "modern" ideas hidden in the Torah, I feel a sense of pride. The Torah knew about this concept all along. Yet I also feel a sense of something akin to failure. If it was there all the time, how did I miss it? Maybe the idea was even mentioned by Chazal but I overlooked or misunderstood it.   It happened again with this week's parsha, Parshat Chayei Sarah. Yitzchak was going to t …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

November 2nd, 2017

Dear Therapist: Our daughter unfortunately suffers from an eating disorder. One of the things the doctor is recommending is “group therapy”. We have a number of concerns regarding this. First off, the people in the group will, presumably, be just as sick or worse than she is. We don’t want her to get any ideas that she doesn’t have already. Secondly, we are worried that she will meet people there and people will find out a …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

October 25th, 2017

Dear Therapist: When I was a young boy in high school I was treated horribly by an English teacher. For whatever reason he would pick on me constantly, always pointing out when I didn't know something (I was not a good student so this was pretty often). He would embarrass me in front of the entire class and called me a "shoyta". It was a very bad tekufa in my life but I survived. Fast forward 20 years and I BH have a wonderful family with childre …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 22nd, 2017

Mixed Emotions - Parshat Noach Stuff happens. That's a given. Sometimes that stuff is good and pleasant and we accept that reality happily and with little question. We rarely find anyone beseeching God as to why a particular positive experience befell him. Yet if that same experience is negative or painful we look for reasons including divine reasons. Is this a double standard? Are we being fair to God - or to ourselves? As we view the …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

October 18th, 2017

Dear Therapist: Thank you for taking your time each week for this column. I have found it to be very enlightening and educational. I am 33 years old and not finding fulfillment in my current occupation. I am considering going back to school to obtain a degree in social work. I have always been interested in helping people and people seem to gravitate to me when they need help solving a problem. I am curious as to what type of person you think mak …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 11th, 2017

Permanent Temporariness, Part II – Parshat Bereishit Very. A modifying word. It comes from the latin veritas, meaning truth.1 Aside from the Sesame Street song about the letter 'V' where the word 'very' is used umpteen times,2 we use it to describe adjectives. How big is it? Very big. How far is it? Very far. I found a fascinating discussion in the Midrash about the use of the word 'very' in this week's parsha, Parshat Bereishit. At the en …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 4th, 2017

Permanent Temporariness – Sukkot Huh? Could you say that again? Well, I actually almost called this piece temporary permanence. Or both. Oxymoron city! But this seems to be the most accurate variation to represent the thought. As the late Rabbi Joseph Lookstein once said in a sermon, "the only thing that’s permanent in life is change."1 (Maybe next year we can discuss temporary permanence.) This theme is alluded to in the mitzvah of S …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 28th, 2017

Dear Therapist: Can you please give me some good guidelines on how to deal with peer pressure? I am very affected by what the people around me are doing.  I don't know if it's that I'm afraid of people getting angry with me or I need to be the center of attention. I think that that is my most difficult challenge and if I could just not be afraid to be different I would be a much better person.   Response: Most often, issues with peer pr …
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Author: Elizabeth Carmen, MHC-LP

September 27th, 2017

Making it Through the Jewish Holidays with an Eating Disorder How to get through the myriad of food issues holidays present while suffering from an eating disorder, disordered eating, or while supporting loved ones with eating struggles.   In the fall, the Jewish months of Elul and Tishrei begin, and so begin the holiday preparations that wreak havoc on women across the world. Like many religions, Judaism heavily revolves around food. Jewis …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 27th, 2017

Knock, Knock - Yom Kippur No, this is not a knock, knock joke, though I wish I had one for the occasion. (I am open to suggestions.) We have many customs which we don’t always notice though they have been passed down over the years. There is, for instance, a custom to tap (knock) lightly on our chest as we mention a list of actions we've done wrong in the past.1 It is a soft tapping that accompanies the Ashamnu2 (prayer of admission of guil …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 19th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I have struggled with anxiety all my life. I spent a few years in therapy and BH have it under control to the point where is doesn't severely impact my life like it used to. My question is it ever appropriate for me to be anxious or should I always be working on trying to remain calm. I hear people say that some anxiety is good but I wonder if that applies to someone like me. Even regarding the Yemei Hadin I wonder if the yirah th …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 19th, 2017

Seize the Day; Seize the Year! – Parshat Haazinu There are some phrases that are so out of place that they demand some kind of explanation. The veritable 'elephant in the room' is crying out to be noticed. We find this at the end of this week's parsha, Parshat Haazinu. After Moshe's swan song, God calls to Moshe in the 'height of the day'.1 Dozens of times God calls to Moshe but never until this instance, almost the very end of the Torah, i …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 13th, 2017

Dear Therapist: My husband recently revealed to me that he has been going to therapy for the last 6 months. I had no idea that he was going or that anything was wrong. I thought we BH had a good marriage and were doing well raising our family. When I asked him why he is going he says there are certain things he wanted to discuss with someone but refuses to tell me what they are. He won't even tell me the name of the person he is seeing. I am comp …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 12th, 2017

Who's to Blame? – Parshat Nitzavim-Vayelech I hate the blame game. I hate assigning blame to others and I hate when others assign blame to others…or to me. There is actually one situation when I would agree that it is legitimate and even appropriate. That is when I assign blame to myself. Taking responsibility for what I do is not just an admission of guilt. It is a pronouncement that I have free choice and that I am willing to take …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

September 6th, 2017

Dear Therapist: Our 19-year-old son is sadly no longer shomer torah umitzvos. This is a tremendous source of pain and turmoil for the entire family. My wife and I are trying very hard to do what is best for him in accordance with the guidance we are receiving from Rabbonim and professionals. With lots of thought and hard work, we are slowly working on repairing our relationship with our son. Our question is regarding our other chil …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 5th, 2017

The 'Mitzva' to Fist Pump – Parshat Ki Tavo I have often wondered why we make parties when we accomplish something major. After all, it is simply an accomplishment. Why the fist pump? Why invite others to join? I am still not 100% sure I understand why it is psychologically sound and healthy to celebrate but I know intuitively that it is important. I read something about the  Perhaps davka, specifically, on a noetic level I can unders …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

August 31st, 2017

Dear Therapist: At the end of last year my son’s menahel requested that we set him up with therapy for the upcoming year. My son is 12 years old and has been misbehaving in class, makes all sorts of trouble to get attention, and has been very chutzpahdik to Rabbeim and teachers. There is a family friend who is a LCSW and we arranged with him to "learn" with my son twice a week but really it would be therapy. My …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 30th, 2017

Sanctions with Dignity– Parshat Ki Teitzei When someone wrongs us, there is often an emotional reaction that includes a need to punish or revenge the wrong. It can be based on anger, frustration, disappointment or a host of other emotions. The reaction may even be appropriate. Someone cut us off while driving. They acted dangerously imperiling others and me. Anger may be the most appropriate response. Is there a limit to that anger or to wh …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

August 24th, 2017

Dear Therapist: My 5th grade son recently came home from a friend’s house frightened and in tears. He was literally shaking. When I finally managed to calm him down he told me that his friend had been showing him books with pictures of the Holocaust. There were pictures of the mass graves, crematoria, and people being shot and hanged…including little children. My husband and I sat with him for a long time trying to reassure him and c …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 23rd, 2017

Violence towards Things – Parshat Shofetim Things don’t feel. We know that. "And a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries," wrote Paul Simon.1 It is one of those truths that we live with. So who cares how we treat it? If we want to take inanimate objects and 'mistreat' them or abuse them that should be ok. Right? How about a child who mistreats his toys or breaks them – is that okay? Do we say "it's just things"? Do we g …
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Author: Michali Friedman, LCSW

August 21st, 2017

Deciding to go to a therapist takes incredible courage as we often find ourselves needing to overcome the stigma of it or other people's opinions of it in order to take the plunge.    As Viktor Frankl emphasizes in his book Man's Search for Meaning, what helps us make difficult choices is knowing 'the Why.'  Why are we doing what we are doing, what is the meaning behind our motivations and choices.   So why start sex therapy? …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

August 17th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am writing about a very painful matter that unfortunately other parents are struggling with as well. As I write this letter at the end of July my daughter does not yet have a high school for next year. I will leave aside the larger communal issue of children not getting into schools because I don’t think this is the forum for it but suffice it to say that she is an excellent girl with middos tovos and has ha …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 17th, 2017

Alone in Suffering? – Parshat Reeh One of the most unusual side effects of going through any kind of emotional distress is the sense that others don’t understand what you're going through and the ensuing sense of loneliness. That sense of loneliness is very profound and can often be even greater than the original distress itself. This concept is noted in this week's parsha, Parshat Reeh. After discussing different kinds of crimes …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

August 9th, 2017

Dear Therapist: After my last baby, I was feeling very sad and not myself. I thought it was just because I was very tired but people said I was depressed and I had what they call the baby blues. Now I am BH expecting again and I want to know what steps I can take to prevent this from happening again. I would appreciate any advice you can offer.   Response: What used to be known as postpartum depression is a very common.  Though many peo …
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