Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

August 9th, 2017

Dear Therapist: After my last baby, I was feeling very sad and not myself. I thought it was just because I was very tired but people said I was depressed and I had what they call the baby blues. Now I am BH expecting again and I want to know what steps I can take to prevent this from happening again. I would appreciate any advice you can offer.   Response: What used to be known as postpartum depression is a very common.  Though many peo …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 7th, 2017

Is Gratitude all that it's Cranked up to Be? – Parshat Ekev As little kids most of us were taught the "magic" words – please, thank you and excuse me. We were taught that these words helped us somehow. Mostly we knew it got us what we wanted – the toy, a smile, good grace. Beyond that, there was no value to these words. Yet, in this week's parsha, Parshat Ekev, we find the Torah actually commanding us to bless God after each me …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 3rd, 2017

In All your 'Veriness' – Parshat Vaetchanan I love words. I love playing with them and seeing different ways how to use them. Even at the Shabbos table, I have taken out a dictionary to see with my family what a word means and how it is used. So when I see a word that is used with care I take notice. Similarly, when the Torah uses a word sparingly, I notice it and try to figure out what it means, what it's doing here, etc. Such a word is in …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

August 2nd, 2017

Dear Therapist: My mother-in-law has been fighting a very serious illness for the last few years. At this time the doctors say that they have no more treatments to offer her. I don't think my husband really accepts the implications of this. My children have always had a close relationship with their grandmother and are always asking when she is going to get better. We have been very positive throughout this but now I am not sure how to approach i …
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Author: Rochel

July 30th, 2017

Thank you Hashem for all your kindness and love you bestow on myself and my husband. It is early in the morning, when I should still be sleeping. I woke up after a restful, deep relaxing sleep to use the restroom and I am having difficulty falling asleep. I am reflecting on the past several years and focusing on the past few intense months. I feel mixed emotions but I am overcome with an intense love, happiness and gratitude towards my husband. W …
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Author: Michali Friedman, LCSW

July 26th, 2017

"I've got serious body image issues."  "I avoid looking at myself unclothed in the mirror."  "When we go out together, I feel insecure with how I look." These statements are made by real people and all the time.  According to body image expert and author James Claiborn, the media is heavily responsible for our physical insecurities, imposing unrealistic expectations on what is the ideal body for both men and women. Media itself, ho …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 26th, 2017

Dear Therapist: Without getting into the gory details, my daughter is currently being treated for a substance abuse addiction. My husband and I are trying to be supportive of her while understanding that it is going to take time. We are being told that we are supposed to view this as an “illness” just like any other mental health or physical illness, such as depression or heart disease. I can’t for the life of me understand how …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 25th, 2017

Sight or Vision – Parshat Devarim I like word games. Sometimes comparing synonyms like sight and vision is fun. I compare different sayings with these words or different usages and play around with them a bit or try new ways of using it with friends and enjoy the light repartee. I even show off how many other synonyms I know (without using a thesaurus or checking online). Philology can be fun. It becomes really fun when you start …
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Author: Michali Friedman, LCSW

July 24th, 2017

The idea of therapy has long been discussed, criticized, recommended, stigmatized, and debated.  Add to it the concept of sex and all the thoughts and feelings on the subject intensify.   As much as we societally celebrate our freedom, including our sexual freedom, talking about sex can still feel awkward and uncomfortable at best and intolerable at worst.  It's simply taboo.   So let me use this blog post to address some ques …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 19th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am a working mother of 6 beautiful children boruch Hashem, and I am dealing with the regular life stresses that come from parnassah, shalom bayis, and running a family etc.  A friend of mine suggested something called "mindfulness" as a way to help me ease the stress. I have looked into it and am wondering if this is something that is used by the frum therapists? Also, do I need to actually see a th …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 18th, 2017

Power of You! – Parshat Mattot-Masei We all know that we need to watch what we say. Words can hurt. Words have power. Yet we always seem to talk about the negative consequences of speech. The focus is on the mistake, the misspoken word, or the ill-timed joke. Do we have a real appreciation for the power of speech? In this week's parsha, Parshat Mattot-Masei, Rashi points out to us the additional, seemingly unnecessary wording in the verse. …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 12th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am worried about how my husband interacts with our children. Most of the time he is great but when he is stressed out he can really be difficult. He yells a lot and on occasion potches the kids. He says there is nothing wrong with that and that it was never considered wrong for a father to potch and is part of chinuch. I think it's horrible and will ruin the children emotionally. Can you please settle this issue for us?   R …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 11th, 2017

Escape Your Genes – Parshat Pinchas It can be quite touching when you see a TV show where the parent and the grown child act alongside one another as parent and child. I remember noting it on Mission Impossible.1 This has also happened in the movies and on TV. It also happens in the corporate world as well as in the yeshivah and Chassidic worlds. Yet it seems that even more often children don’t follow exactly in their parents' footst …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

July 5th, 2017

Dear Therapist: My 18-year-old son has been going through a very difficult time recently. He has been acting very rebellious and his yiddishkeit is suffering tremendously. We have been advised by many rabbonim and others that the key is for my wife and me to retain our relationship with him and unconditionally love him. Though he has not shown us that he is very responsible, we did not put up a fight and allowed him to get his …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 29th, 2017

Dear Therapist: My 13 year old son is very busy with how he looks. He is my oldest so it's hard for me to get a sense of what's normal for this age. My friends say it's just a stage but I am worried about it becoming a problem. He has taken up exercising and dieting and is very into it. He spends quite a bit of time each day getting dressed. He has made a few cracks to my husband about how he looks. I would appreciate any guidance you can give me …
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Author: Dr. Raymond Nourmand

June 27th, 2017

The National Council of Problem Gambling recently reported that approximately 6 million adults and half a million teenagers in America engage in problematic gambling, or have what one may call gambling addiction. Gambling addiction refers to a pattern of making risky monetary bets in a way that impairs a person’s social, psychological, emotional, physical, or financial functioning. The rate of occurrence in youth is about two to three times …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 28th, 2017

 Living a Paradox - Parshat Chukat There's some things that I just don’t get. It took me a while to learn to say that. I used to think I understand, or at least was capable of understanding, everything. Then I learned that even though I don’t understand stuff, I still try and figure it out. "Isn’t that a waste of time?" I thought. You don’t get it so just accept it. So there were times I did. And there were times that …
1 comments

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 21st, 2017

Dear Therapist: My wife and I began seeing a therapist a few months ago. After a few weeks the therapist suggested that my wife begin seeing a therapist by herself (in addition to together with me) to help her with her anxiety. Now our therapist has suggested that in addition I begin seeing another therapist to deal with some issues of my past. It's not like we started this because of a massive issue; we just had some things we needed to work on …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 20th, 2017

Get Involved - Parshat Korach Very often, the boss will send someone else to do his 'dirty work'. I write this not from a place of looking down on bosses. They need to find efficient ways to get things done.  If a boss were to perform all the tasks at the office, he simply wouldn’t be able to find time to do his own job. Part of the boss's job is to delegate authority to others and assign them various tasks. So, we find that in this we …
2 comments

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 14th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I have tremendous anxiety from the news, especially nowadays when there are so many videos of terror attacks and other terrible things. I saw a video of a terror attack and I think about it all the time. I had this problem a few years ago but it didn't bother me again until recently. Whenever I go to Manhattan I am so afraid of something terrible happening. Please give me advice on how to deal with this.   Response: There are …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 13th, 2017

What do We do Now? – Parshat Shelach   Where do we pick up the pieces? Stuff happens to us throughout our lives. Some of it is good. Some of it isn’t. The parts that are good give us joy and the strength to do more. The stuff that isn’t has the capability of sapping our strength, draining our energy, sending us reeling into depression, making us feel stuck and even preventing us from being motivated to do anything. This mus …
2 comments

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

June 9th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I have been seeing a therapist for the last few weeks. Recently, while I was waiting for my appointment in the waiting room, I overheard him discussing another patient on the phone. The door to his office was wide open and he knew I was there because he had buzzed me into the waiting room. Since then I just don't feel comfortable speaking with him because maybe he discusses me when there are other people listening. The problem is …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 1st, 2017

Which Path to Take? – Parshat Naso When Alice was in Wonderland and she wasn’t sure which path to take, she asked the Cheshire cat which way she ought to go. The cat asked her where she wanted to go. Her answer was "somewhere". The cat's famous answer was that as long as you're moving, you'll get somewhere.1 In this week's parsha, Parshat Naso, we read that the Nazir, the ascete, needs to bring a sin offering when he comes into conta …
2 comments

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 24th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I know someone who has a sibling who is in his early 20's and is holding down a job. However, he is socially awkward and can really benefit from therapy. However, this person will get highly insulted after being told this and may resent the person who told him. How can he be told (by a relative or professional) that his behavior calls for therapy? Can it be said straight out? If so, how should it be done? On the other hand, is fin …
2 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 23rd, 2017

Who Cares Which Side? – Parshat Bamidbar Sometimes the Torah really surprises me. There are times where the Torah details certain stories or commandments. Sometimes it doesn’t. The basic principle though is that the Torah doesn’t waste words. So, why does the Torah spend time telling us in this week's parsha, Parshat Bamidbar, where each tribe camped and later on in what order they travelled.1 Is this information that will have …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 17th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am wondering if you can help with the following question that I frequently wonder about. Why is there more of a need for therapists today than a generation or two ago? Somehow we managed fine in the past. I am not, chas v'shalom, against therapists, especially those who follow Da'as Torah. I am just seeking to understand.   Response: Your question is one that bothers many people.  It can be viewed from a theological, p …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 15th, 2017

Addiction. Harmless? – Parshat Behar-Bechukotai I have never heard of a story of an addict who one day woke up and said: "I want to become addicted to something. Hmmm…let's see what suits me best." There is usually a period of experimentation and often the addictive behavior has some benefit to it. The slide, however, from experimentation to addiction is a slippery one and often a person becomes addicted to a behavior/substance with …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 10th, 2017

Dear Therapist: Around a year ago I went through something very difficult (I am not comfortable providing all the details). I have found that the passing of time since the event, keeping busy so that I don't have time to think about it, as well as writing about it, have helped but would appreciate any other suggestions that you might have. Someone I spoke to said it was a “trauma” and that something called “EMDR” is used t …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

May 3rd, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am a 12th grader in what is considered a very chosuva mesivta. There are some things that I would like to discuss with someone. They cause me a lot of worry but I do not feel comfortable discussing this with a rebbe or mashgiach in yeshiva. I think that maybe a therapist would be the right type of person to discuss this with. The issue is that my father doesn't hold of therapy. I am not sure how to bring this up with him and I d …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 1st, 2017

Love - A 'Second Hand  Emotion'? – Parshat Acharei Mot-Kedoshim There are some phrases that are so well known that we use them with sometimes reckless abandon - throwing them about without ever understanding the phrase and these phrases  get bandied about freely. And what does love have to do with it? Is it really, as the song goes, just "a second hand emotion?"1 Such is a phrase from this week's parsha, Acharei Mot-Kedoshim. We a …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

April 26th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am 21 year old Bochur just back from Eretz Yisroel. Can you please explain to me why some people have such a hard time waking up in the morning? This is something I constantly struggle with and I never am able to beat it. Oversleeping is something that is constantly getting in the way of my aliyah. It also really annoys my parents and rabbeim.  I wouldn't say it just has to do with going to sleep late because I have fr …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 26th, 2017

A Social Disease – Parshat Tazria-Metzora When we hear the words 'social disease', we usually assume the dictionary's definition: Venereal Disease.1 Or we may imagine a broader reach and that it is a catchall phrase for all sorts of diseases of a sexual nature.2 Or for those of us who were around in the 60's/70's, we may remember a song asking for leniency due to having a 'social disease'.3 Leprosy, described in detail in this week's …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 19th, 2017

Tragedy Triggers – Parshat Shemini Tragedies happen. There are tragedies which clearly effect an entire nation. They may be man-made tragedies or 'acts of God' but they are tragedies nonetheless. We are touched by these tragedies and the pain of the loss and the difficulties encountered by survivors. But often, maybe even unfortunately so, after a heartfelt "Tsk, tsk. How sad that these tragedies occur," we continue on with our daily lives …
2 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 9th, 2017

Who Enslaved the Jews in Egypt? - Pesach Everyone knows the answer to that one. Of course – it was Pharaoh! It seems like a question where the answer is fairly obvious. Just read the verses in the Torah. He came up with the work plan. He hired special overseers to draft workers.1 So, obviously, Pharaoh is the one who enslaved us. Or was he? We often find that we need to read between the lines to understand the Torah properly. Here too, we …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

April 5th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I have struggled for years with overeating and dieting. I was put on a diet at a young age (I was not overweight; it was purely for aesthetics) and as a result I have spent over 20 years yoyo dieting. I mostly maintain a normal to slightly large physique, so my health is not in great danger. But I cannot seem to get beyond this. I use food to cope and to relieve any emotions I cannot handle. I basically wake up and crash whatever …
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Author: Leora Goldenberg, LCSW

April 4th, 2017

I was watching the bones finale, where bones temporarily lost her ability to practice her skill and is presented with a sudden identity crisis. Who is she without her skills and knowledge to practice? What was her value in society?

This got me thinking! Each one of us has an identity, professionally or otherwise. But what happens if we take that identity away? What is left?

For some people, their identity may be all they hav …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 4th, 2017

Need a Push? - Parshat Tzav I remember the first time I learned that even pro athletes receive motivational help. Even these people who were purportedly self-motivated enough to reach the highly competitive professional levels that they reached still felt that they needed professional motivators. How much more so, my friend Dr. Jerry Luchins explained to me, do we need this kind of assistance. Even in the spiritual plane, where success is not mea …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 31st, 2017

But I Didn’t do Anything Wrong – Parshat Vayikra We live in a society which though is quite accepting can also be very critical. So there are people with a tendency to get defensive quickly. "I didn’t do anything!" they will say. And they will feel they have gotten themselves off the hook. Is it, though enough to not do anything? This week's parsha, Parshat Vayikra starts off discussing the Burnt Offering. In describing the pro …
2 comments

Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 29th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am a 17 year old girl and one of my closest friends is constantly saying very depressing things. I'm not always sure if she is serious or just doing it to get attention. I don't know if anyone else is aware of this but she definitely does not want me to tell anyone. Point is, I'm not really sure what to do about it. It's getting to be a bit much for me but if I don't listen to her and take her seriously I don't think she will ha …
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Author: Smadar Prager, Psychotherapist, CGP

March 24th, 2017

  I do not know about you, but I just love Hashgacha Pratit stories, and since this dam opened for me, I see them all around me, and they still excite me so much.

So here is a fresh one:
Yesterday, a lovely cauliflower captured my eye while shopping for Shabbat.
I thought I’ll make a whole baked cauliflower in the oven for Shabbat Kiddush Dinner. Taking the cauliflower out of the fridge today, I reconsidered: &ldqu …
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