Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

March 23rd, 2017

In THERAPY, SHMERAPY; Demysifying Therapy Even for Those Who Don't Need It, you are in for a revealing session behind the closed doors of the therapy room. As a popular columnist, therapist Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, has been dazzling her audience in Binah Magazine and on her blog. Here is the real story of therapy: honest, eye-opening, sharp, and often funny. In this collection of thought-provoking essays you will find out what is therapy; who need …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 23rd, 2017

Dear Therapist, I recently graduated from college and began a job in an accounting firm. Although the job is working out well and I get along with everyone there, I have been feeling increasingly anxious as time goes on. I can't put my finger on what is bothering me because nothing else in my life has changed. In school I was always a relaxed, happy, popular person. I have good relationships and I am happy with my career, but I can't seem to shak …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 21st, 2017

Live with Passion – Part 21 – Parshat Vayakhel-Pekudei   Everyone should know this by now. 'Live your passion' has become a mantra for motivational speakers around the world. Yet, somehow, we just don’t get it. We all know the phrase  'Do what you like and like what you do" but it can sometimes be challenging to translate that into real life. Even leaders can get stuck and not be passionate. In the building of the dese …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 15th, 2017

Dear Therapist, I have an older (half) brother who has a serious mental condition. I'm not sure exactly what it is but he has often had to go to the hospital for a few days till he gets "stabilized". My parents don't really like to talk about it and I try not to bother them with it. I think there are also some other people in my mother’s family who have mental issues. My question is:  People have told me (and I have also read online) t …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 14th, 2017

I Can See Clearly Now…1 - Parshat Ki Tissa If only we could live on that level. We want to be able to see what's really happening, or what's going to happen. Someone I know, for years used to say, "if I could only see where I'll be in 5 years from now." (e.n. She is now wise enough to know NOT to say that.) Though there is a part of us that would just love to know where we are going and what awaits us. Yet, even the greatest of prophets, …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 9th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I was wondering what your opinion was regarding taking anti-depressants. I have been feeling extremely tired and fatigued recently and when I went to my doctor thinking I needed some blood work he prescribed me an anti-depressant. Is this an advisable course of treatment? Do you think it would be more beneficial for me to see a therapist in addition to, or perhaps instead of, medication?   Response: I’m not a psychiatri …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 7th, 2017

Keep it Up - Parshat Tetzaveh Consistency and persistence. Such beautiful words. Yet sometimes they are the most difficult concepts for us to actually follow through on. Just look at the accompanying picture of New Year's resolutions. Just copy, paste, and occasionally edit. The same ideas repeat themselves year after year after year. That is perhaps exactly the reason that the Torah in this week's parsha points out the importance of persistence …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

March 1st, 2017

Dear Therapist: I'm really enjoying your column, and I'd love to hear your take on my problem. I am eighteen and I've always suffered from anxiety, and in times of stress also insomnia, but since I graduated from school last year and started working it’s gotten a lot worse. These days, I barely sleep and I am constantly in a state of sleep deprivation and exhaustion. I've tried melatonin, but it doesn't really help much. It basically only m …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 28th, 2017

On the Way to the Top - Parshat Terumah "Shoot for the stars!" This is the message that we receive from motivational speakers around the world. You can accomplish what you set your mind to. Just set your sights and get moving. And it really does work. You can reach your goals. Just one thing…don’t step on anyone's toes. You can get to where you're going but be careful that you shouldn’t disregard others. Even in the building of …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 22nd, 2017

Dear Therapist: I have a son who would like to see a therapist to deal with some issues. I think it would be beneficial for him but I am concerned that therapy might damage his relationship with my wife and myself. Every parent makes mistakes and I am sure we have as well, but I am worried by the sentiment I hear expressed that therapists "estrange" children from their parents. Can you please clear this up for me and perhaps give me some ideas as …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 20th, 2017

Context and More Context – Parshat Mishpatim or The Context of Suffering Yeah that darn context thing. It would be just easier if we could take everything that is said to us at face value. But no….we gotta look at who said, when they said and if they’ve said other stuff that doesn’t seem quite the same. It gets in the way. Yeah, that broader context thing. It means that we don’t have all the info we need. We realize …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 16th, 2017

Dear Therapist: Hi, Thank you for your column. Since parnassa pressure is something we all face, I hope you will print my question. I am the mother of a growing family, BH, and like most women today, my income is essential. Perhaps my husband is learning and I am the primary breadwinner. Or perhaps my husband is working, but his income covers basics while mine pays the tuition. Either way, the pressure that I am feeling to increase my income as m …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 14th, 2017

LET IT BE! – Parshat Yitro We have an especially acute need to control what goes on in our lives. Certain schools of psychology are based on cataloging that need and learning how to control and promote it. On the other side, there is, as well, a worldwide movement towards mindfulness – learning to accept the present as it is and just living the moment. Which is correct? How do we decide? The answer that seems to be the most correct is …
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Author: Leora Goldenberg, LCSW

February 13th, 2017

Does money make a man?   In today's world, you find many people always hustling, "trying to make an extra buck", perhaps this is due to the ever rising costs of materials and services, but if we stop to think for a minute we will realize that money plays a big role in our lives, for better or worse.

the question I have is: Does money make a man? for that I would like to analyze people's behavior.  Everyone has their own …
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Author: Leora Goldenberg, LCSW

February 27th, 2017

There are always things that we want or need. That is just how life works! What happens though when you can't get the things you want? (I.e. A child, job, health, etc.) This can be hard especially if everyone around you seems to "have it all". There are a range of emotions/thoughts going on. "Why does everyone else have xyz and not me", " if only....", "is there something I'm doing to cause this? I.e. Is it my fault?"

It is common for …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 8th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am a pre-school Morah in the local Yeshiva. There is a boy in my class who never talks above a whisper. This has been going on since the beginning of the school year. While the parents insist that the child is just shy I am convinced that this is more than that. Can you please give me an idea of where the line is between shyness and a more serious problem? I would also appreciate any strategies you can suggest in convincing the …
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Author: Leora Goldenberg, LCSW

February 1st, 2017

Dealing with uncertainty:   There are many uncertainties in life. Some of bigger concern than others, and while we'd love to have a crystal ball or take a peek into G-d's master plan, the reality, while quite tempting at times, is that we may never know what will be or why things are happening. So how does one deal with uncertainty? That will vary by person depending on their coping mechanisms as well as  positive and negative risk fact …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

February 1st, 2017

Dear Therapist: I go through periods of time when I am consumed with worry about my health. I will be OK for a few months but then I wind up spending all day convinced that I have some sort of horrible illness. I wish I would be able to function normally. Why is this happening to me, and what can I do to stop it?   Response: There can be numerous triggers for fears related to health.  From a clinical perspective, Illness Anxiety Disorde …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 31st, 2017

No Bone-Chomping Here - Parshat Bo We like digging into our food. It tastes good, it is nutritious and the experience can even be enhanced by eating with friends and family. We like our food and on the whole want to choose the way we eat it - with our fingers, with a fork and knife or with chopsticks. Yet, just as the Kosher laws limit our access to certain foods and teach us about the way we are to eat1 so too do we find restrictions about how …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 25th, 2017

Dear Therapist: One of the panelists recently mentioned that “the source of the problem needs to be uncovered and healed” in order to really feel safe and secure. I’ve been wondering for a while how this is actually done in therapy. I’m married in my twenties with some kids and have been struggling with general anxiety. I’ve been seeing a therapist for a couple of months now and she’s really helped me a lot on …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 19th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I have been enjoying this column in the Yated very much. I was wondering if you would be able to help me out. I’m going through a very hard period. I’m only 28 years old and I’m realizing that I have an issue in retaining information that I learn. I’m realizing it now because I got a job and it’s really affecting my job. I am slowly getting very very down on myself and I no longer have any interest in …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 16th, 2017

As Trivial as a Name – Parshat Shemot It can get confusing. On the one hand, a name is just a name. It seems to be an arbitrary appellation attached to people for purposes of convenience. Even Juliet said: "What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;"1 On the other hand we find that the Torah sometimes makes an issue out of names and has even changed people's names. We even find situations wher …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 12th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I am in my low 20's and have OCD and Anxiety. Baruch Hashem, I am more or less stable as I am in college, and holding down a job at the same time. My question is: In a Shidduch, do you think I should look for someone who’s similar to me- someone who also has Anxiety or some other disorder, or should I rather look for someone who’s "regular" without those kinds of challenges? (Honestly, I would prefer someone who doesn' …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 6th, 2017

Am I in Control - Really? Part 2 – Parshat Vayigash It would really be nice if once we understood something, we could behave and think accordingly from that point on. We like to believe that we are intelligent human beings and that once we decide something we are always able to carry it out and remain consistent. Sometimes it actually works out that way. Yet that does not always happen. And then I find myself feeling hypocritical and faili …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

January 5th, 2017

Dear Therapist: I was involved in a car accident 2 months ago. Although I fractured my arm I am BH ok. The driver of the other car was more seriously hurt and needed surgery. My friends tell me I am “traumatized” and that I talk about the accident too much. I think it's normal to be shaken up by going through such an experience. I do have trouble falling asleep at night but I don't know that it's related to the accident. Am I traumati …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 30th, 2016

Am I in Control - Really? – Parshat Miketz I am not where I expected to be tonight.1 It's not that I had any special plans - just a regular Thursday night. But I certainly had no thought of being here, in a cardiac convalescence center, as a patient (I almost wrote inmate). If I had an array of possibilities from which to choose, and this was one of the possibilities, I would not have guessed 10 days ago that this would be the path I would …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 29th, 2016

Dear Therapist: I am a tenth grade Rebbe in a local mesivta. I am concerned that one of the bochurim in my shiur may have OCD. He is a very good bochur and does very well, but is shy and seems very anxious about his grades. I noticed recently that he spends a very long time putting on ( and taking off) his teffilin. At least 10 minutes. He is constantly adjusting them during davening. He also takes a very long time davening. How do I know the dif …
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Author: Evan Steele

December 28th, 2016

I went to see the new Star Wars movie the other night.  Though I’d love to claim that I was dragged by my teenage son, there’s the small matter of who sat in the driver seat of the car and paid for admission…that being me.  In addition to trying to avoid movies altogether these days, I specifically did NOT want to go see this movie, and it’s not because of piety or the anticipation of not liking it.  Indeed …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 22nd, 2016

The Divine in the Human – Parshat Vayeshev Humans may seem similar to most other mammals. After all, they have legs and arms, eyes and ears, heart and lungs, blood and guts, etc. They also have feelings – loyalty, sadness, excitement, etc. They eat food – some are herbivores, some carnivores and some omnivores. They communicate with each other. On some level, they seem to be very similar to human beings. Yet they are not. They h …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 21st, 2016

Dear Therapist: How do I deal with my husband’s first family? Both I and my husband are married for the second time after losing our first spouses. My kids, who are all married, accept my new husband with open arms. Half of his children, on the other hand, who are married with children and grandchildren, reject his remarriage and stopped talking with us and prevent his grandchildren, even those few who are already married, from having conta …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 15th, 2016

Money, Money, Money - Parshat Vayishlach We are spiritual beings by nature.1 We like to believe that we view the world around us not only for its physical benefits but for what it can afford us. We are not always successful at this process but we like to believe it. Yet, notice the number of songs we listen to, activities in which we engage, discussions that we have surround the realm of hard, cold cash – how to make it, how to save it and …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 14th, 2016

Dear Therapist: My wife has always been afraid of flying. The last time she flew, around a year and a half ago, there was some turbulence mid-flight and she got hysterical and wasn't able to calm down until we landed (thankfully this was on the way home). We have a family bar mitzvah on the west coast at the end of the month and she is already very apprehensive about going. I have tried to talk with her about the safety of flying but that just ge …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

December 14th, 2016

How do you build a relationship as husband and wife?  You start by forming the habits of a good relationship.  You make time, every day, to listen to each others’ experiences, opinions, and reactions, focusing primarily on the positive. This process begins the morning after the chasunah.  You share your memories and impressions from the simcha, e.g. your nieces are so adorable, it was so wonderful that your Alter Zaidy was ab …
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Author: Evan Steele

December 8th, 2016

This is an email I sent to a colleague today who is organizing a training for clinicians on teaching parenting skills and techniques: My experience working with families and parent education is that there is often a lot of disconnect, parallel process, and ineffective interventions.  Let’s start with parallel process.  Parents are frustrated that children don’t problem solve, i.e. they don’t cope with challenges, exter …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 8th, 2016

Dear Therapist: I am a regular frum girl, 15 and in high school. My parents never got along well and recently told us kids that they are getting divorced? Is my life finished? Will everyone look at me with pity? Will I be able to do a good shidduch? Does the fact that my parents divorced make it more likely that I might get divorced? Any information or chizuk that you can give me is appreciated.   Response: Please remember that you’re …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 6th, 2016

Fleet-footed Father – Parshat Vayeitzei I am usually careful about how I relate to our forefathers and foremothers(notice that play on words?) There is even a heated discussion about how we relate to their actions and whether or not we are in a position to judge them (won't go into that now). So in choosing this appellation for Yaakov I was careful as well with the language and what it represents. It became much easier for me when a number …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW, QCSW, DCSW

December 1st, 2016

December 2, 2016 Dear Therapist: My son's Menahel called us in for a meeting. He said that while our 7th grade son is smart and has friends, he acts chutzpadig and doesn't listen to authority. The menahel said that he thinks our son has ODD and gave us the number to a (costly) therapist. Do we really need a therapist for.this? Isn't this a regular kid who misbehaves that for generations parents and schools found some way to deal with. Must everyt …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 29th, 2016

Nature and Nurture. Both or Neither - Parshat Toledot Just a few weeks ago we spoke about the influence of human nature on our behavior in the article on Parshat Noach.  This week, we are confronted with the opposite side of the long-lived discussion of the influence of nature versus nurture. Is it our basic human, genetic makeup which influences our behavior and makes us behave more out of instinct or are we more products of our environment …
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Author: Tzipora Shub

November 24th, 2016

I wonder what you’re thinking when you read the title of this blog. That I care too much about whether or not you like my blog? That I am too obviously seeking approval? Or, possibly, that you understand me because you’ve written things before and have also hoped that people would like them? I believe there is a universal vulnerability that is part and parcel of the human condition. We all struggle sometimes with feeling nervous, inse …
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Author: Tzipora Shub

November 24th, 2016

My Youngest Supervisor As a therapist; I’m always looking to grow. This means reading books, attending trainings, and engaging in clinical supervision and case consultations. As a mother; my hands are full, both literally and figuratively. This means washing dishes, changing diapers, sitting on the floor playing games, and of course multitasking. The newest form of multitasking I have come up with is one that combines these two roles. For I …
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