Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

November 26th, 2015

Some common expressions are remarkably misleading. For example, “she eats like a bird.” Really? Most birds consume half their weight in food every day. I hope she doesn’t! Then there’s “I slept like a baby.” You tossed and turned and woke up crying every 2 hours, and it took you an hour to fall asleep again each time? Let’s look at one more: “Philadelphia, City of Brotherly Love” * That’ …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 24th, 2015

If a person is trying to placate someone, then the chances are pretty good that he would say things that are in accordance with that plan. When we ask for a raise, we will point out how we have contributed to the different goals of our workplace and have fulfilled our particular positions well. On the other hand if we are trying to downplay our role for whatever reason, we would not highlight our accomplishments. So why, in this week's parsha, Pa …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

November 22nd, 2015

  This past Simchas Torah in my shul,some of my friends drank a little too much. These friends are good husbands,and fathers who got a little carried away. My son was in shul with me,and I don't want him to think it's OK to get drunk. How do I explain this without putting down my friends,who in many cases are the parents of his friends? NOTE: THIS COLUMN WAS ORIGINALLY WRITTEN FOR JEWISH ECHO MAGAZINE IN THE MONTHLY COLUMN ASK-THE-THERAPIST& …
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Author: Chana Kaiman, LCSW

November 21st, 2015

Here is the emotional trail when avoiding therapy…So being the sophisticated, educated, advanced you, considering therapy may be viewed as damaging,labeling or pathologizing. Who me? Nah, I don’t need therapy. I am so popular, I have loads of friends who are willing to lend an ear. I can talk to countless people off my favorite list, any hour of the day. My sister is a therapist herself, I have an aunt who has a PhD from an IV league …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 17th, 2015

Between The Lines - Parshat Vayeitzei We constantly exhort people to read between the lines. In a cursory 'first-page-search' the 5-6 songs named 'Between the Lines' (plus one from Janis Ian in the 70's) were all about love lost and the inability to 'read between the lines'. Opportunities are lost and messages are unclear. Sometimes, though,  we are expected to read between the lines to understand spouses, children, bosses, friends, etc. Tho …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

November 16th, 2015

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE'S COLUMN THERAPY: A SNEAK PEEK INSIDE   Look, the only thing I can do is give you straight talk from the perspective of a therapist. I refuse to give you medical advice. I refuse to make the decision for you. I refuse to convince you one way or another whether or not to fill your prescription for Lexapro, Xanax, Wellbutrin, or Clonepine. I absolutely refuse. And here's why. Lit …
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Author: Dr. Raymond Nourmand

November 9th, 2015

   People-pleasing has been a commonplace phenomenon for as long as people have existed.  It comes up in different ways, across various social settings, and is done for a range of reasons.  The practice of people-pleasing refers to our tendency to act in a particular way to evoke pleasant feelings in the people around us.

   At first glance, it’s easy to understand why we people-please.  It pays …
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Author: Dr. Raymond Nourmand

November 9th, 2015

    Lashon Harah is any communication that is aimed at lowering the image of a person or persons in the eyes of others.  Literally "the evil tongue" or "the evil language," it is popularly known today as gossiping or slandering.  Judaism has long discouraged this behavior, mentioning that those who engage in the practice are killing their compatriot, shedding their blood, staining them in the eyes of others.

&n …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 10th, 2015

Is the First Always First - Part 2 - Parshat Toledot In last week's blog we discussed Yishmael acting in a responsible manner in abdicating his role as Firstborn in Yitzchak's favor. He behaved courageously and admirably. Yet not all changes in status appear to occur so smoothly and quietly. Esav was born first. During a cursory reading of Bereishit we find little problem with Esav's behavior. He seems, in this week's parsha, Parshat To …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

November 8th, 2015

NOTE: THIS COLUMN WAS ORIGINALLY WRITTEN FOR BINAH MAGAZINE   Of course I have been tempted! Her journal, or diary, or story for school, is right out there in plain sight, and I am overcome with curiosity to read what my daughter writes. So, I will ask her. And if she would say, “Ma-a-a-a! It’s private.” then I tell Curiosity to please find another parent to drive crazy, because the answer is no. Believe me, I battle wi …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

November 8th, 2015

Did you ever wonder what kind of shailos rabbonim hear nowadays? In my 22 years in rabbonus, no one ever brought me a chicken to learn if it was kosher or not. Our parents just looked at the plumba clipped onto the wing of the fresh chicken at the butcher shop. By my generation, we were checking the plastic outer label of the frozen chicken in the supermarket. So what was I asked to paskin? There’s one topic that stands out in my memory, an …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 3rd, 2015

Is the First Always First - Parshat Chayei Sarah The concept of being first was discussed in a recent blog about bikkurim. That blog discussed the responsibilities, relationship and conditions of being first just as there were certain restrictions and obligations regarding the bikkurim, the first fruit. But a bechor, a firstborn, is he always the bechor? We find throughout Bereishit that the firstborn does not automatically claim firstborn status …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

November 1st, 2015

 NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH'S COLUMN THERAPY: A SNEAK PEEK INSIDE Personally, I don't hold a gun to anyone's head, forcing them into my room for therapy. Maybe parents or spouses do that, but not me. So when new clients come into my office, even the ones who made their own decision to make that first appointment, they oftentimes walk in the door as if it were a jail cell, a holding pen until their execution. So ine …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

November 1st, 2015

A friend is someone who knows you as you are, understands where you’ve been, accepts who you’ve become, and still, gently invites you to grow. Anonymous I am not your friend, I am your father, (or mother, or teacher). I have heard this from many mothers, fathers and, teachers over the years. It seems ironic to me that a parent who knows his child, understands him, and wants him to grow is unwilling to consider himself a friend. What i …
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Author: Sarah Lewis-Levy, Dr

October 28th, 2015

In Yad Binyamin, a yishuv in the south of Israel where I live, I feel relatively safe despite the continuous barrage of terror attacks Israelis have recently experienced.  Nevertheless, there have been real and noticeable changes in the behavior of Jews in Israel since the most recent current onslaught of violent and indiscriminate shooting, stone throwing, knifing and car ramming attacks.  Israelis are less likely to walk and text or e …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

October 27th, 2015

NOTE: THIS WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE'S COLUMN UNMASKING THE MYSTIQUE OF THERAPY   You are paying me, for goodness sakes. And now that it's clear that you are a customer for my services, same as when you hire a contractor, plumber, teacher, or maid, you expect results. And if not, you voice your complaints. Right? Right. “Yeah, sure,” you are thinking. “No way am I telling my therapist my complaints abo …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 27th, 2015

That’s the first principle that a marketing exec taught me once. How an item looks, feels and smells is often more important than the content itself. This, I have found to be true in interpersonal relations as well. How we say something has a great impact on whether our words will be heard, honored and respected. When Avimelech speaks to Avraham in this week's parsha, Parshat Vayeira, after he had been punished for having taken Sarah, he sp …
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Author: Rochel

October 25th, 2015

Finding each other while getting lost Part 1 With much gratitude to the almighty we recently celebrated our first wedding anniversary. I have learnt so much about myself and grown as a person and a wife with the loving support of my husband. I am so grateful for this forum, where I was able to express myself while I was searching for my soul mate. When I started dating, I knew that at some point, when things become serious, I would have to tell t …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 20th, 2015

Live with Passion - Parshat  Lech Lecha  In choosing someone to follow the path you have forged for yourself, you might look for someone who will continue doing exactly the same. One might assume that the best, most competent person to continue will be the one who will be so good at copying what you do, it would be hard to discern from the original. Yet we find in this week's parsha, Parshat Lech Lecha, that Avram1 is frustrated that he …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

October 18th, 2015

NOTE: THIS WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN JEWISH ECHO'S COLUMN ASK-THE-THERAPIST   Question: My ten year old's new teacher has very strict rules. Many students do well with her but my daughter has a lot of difficulty adapting to her rigid style. What can we do to ensure she has a successful year?   Answer: When I was a kid, I devoured books about children growing up in the 1800's who were educated, together with their siblings, by governe …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 14th, 2015

Light in the Darkness - Parshat Noach We like to see ourselves as practical people. We sometimes go askew but in general we do things that have a purpose. Moreover, if we are engaged in purposeless activity, unless it is recreational, we are frustrated and upset. In the building of the ark in this week's parsha, Parshat Noach, we understand clearly the need for three floors, a certain height and width for the ark and even for a door. Yet there is …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

October 12th, 2015

NOTE: THIS WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN JEWISH ECHO'S MONTHLY COLUMN ASK-THE-THERAPIST   Question: I am by nature an introverted and quiet person. My wife tells me that my quiet nature affects the children because I don't show them enough love and affection. I agree with her, yet it's very hard to change my nature. How would you advise me to work on changing my introverted tendencies to become more affectionate and expressive?   Answer: …
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Author: Sarah Lewis-Levy, Dr

October 10th, 2015

As a neuropsychologist who recently moved to Israel, I have been inundated with questions from parents about how to deal with their young children’s questions and fears stemming from the recent slew of terror attacks.  My response to terrorism in Israel is different from my response to terrorism in the U.S.  When I worked as the director of guidance in a school in America, for 9/11 memorials, I recommended that teachers avoid usin …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 6th, 2015

The Greatest Line in the Torah - Parshat  Bereishit In reading a book, we often make note of certain lines that stood out for us or that we found we could most relate to. Interestingly, Chazal did this as well with the Torah. The Gemara relates a fascinating discussion about the most important line in the Torah.1 Rabbi Akiva claims that 'Love Thy Neighbor as Thyself'2 is a great principle whereas Ben Azai rejects this. Ben Azai, ra …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 3rd, 2015

Before It's Too Late - Parshat Vezot Haberacha* I procrastinate. I am not necessarily proud of it. But I procrastinate. I understand I am not alone in this practice. Other people share this issue with me. Sometimes it doesn’t make a difference. Sometimes it does. And we pay a price for it. We try and learn and sometimes it works. And sometimes it doesn’t. And we pay a price for it. Moshe was not willing to pay that price. He knew, ac …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

September 24th, 2015

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN LINKS A MAGAZINE FOR TEENS WHO HAVE SUFFERED PARENTAL LOSS   If you would have to choose an alternate lifetime of living in any form except for a human being, how many of you would choose to be a rock? Crazy, you are thinking. “Who would want to be a rock? Maybe an animal, like a horse or cheetah or bird; maybe a tree, its branches laden with fruit and it's reaching upwards to the sk …
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Author: David Mark

September 22nd, 2015

It is not uncommon for all books of faith to honor and respect marriage. In Judaism, two sources of the Living Bible were given to Moses on Mount Sinai approximately 3,328 years ago. Both of equal importance, they are known as The Written Law (also referred to as the Torah, the Five Books of Moses, or the Old Testament), and the Oral Law (also known as the Mishna). This article will share some examples of how the wisdom in the Living Bible can be …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 21st, 2015

I have not been able to solve this one. This is not about new mistakes. Those are understandable. New situations sometimes demand quick decisions and we wrongly apportion the priorities. That can be chalked up to a lack of experience. Or even if these new situations don’t demand quick decisions we can still make mistakes regarding the repercussions of our decisions. Old mistakes that get made over and over again are the most troublesome one …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 17th, 2015

We Make People Upset - Parshat Vayeilech We may not want to. We may not be trying to. We may even be trying to help. We may have done or said what we did for all the 'right' reasons. But still it made people angry. It may make us feel like we should give up. It may confuse us. We may want to stop helping others. Do we quit? In his profound book, 'Anyway: The Paradoxical Commandments', Dr. Keith Kent challenges us with his 9th paradoxical commandm …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

September 16th, 2015

Rosh Hashanah. Yom Kippur. Succos. For some, these words conjure up memories of delicious hot challah dipped in honey, solemn time in shul followed by the sweetness of cake and coffee at the breaking of the fast, the warmth and camaraderie of siblings and cousins squashed in a Succah lovingly designed by a parent and created with the children, and the noisy, fun, crazy beauty of yom tov together with family. For others, these same words create s …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 9th, 2015

Do You Have the Power? - Parshat Nitzavim Just in case anyone has any doubt, the answer to the question is YES. The power is always within. The question, rather, is always 'how do we harness that power'? How do we move forward? How do we maximize our lives? If the answer is so obvious why even ask the question? The truth is, many people do not believe in themselves. They do not believe they are worthy or that they can really be successful.&n …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

September 7th, 2015

NOTE: THIS WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN JEWISH ECHO'S COLUMN ASK-THE-THERAPIST   QUESTION: I am the parent of a young married couple who is learning in kollel. We send generous support to the couple every month .Recently, my son told me that he needs more money in order to make ends meet. My wife and I both know that it's because his wife overspends on unnecessary luxuries. On one hand I don't want my son to go into debt, yet on the other h …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

September 6th, 2015

  During the late Arthur Goldberg’s tenure as U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations, his wife once answered the phone and called out to him, “pick up the phone, it’s the President!”  Ambassador Goldberg asked, “from which shul?”     That may not be a true story, but it illustrates a truism.  Most of us wouldn’t expect a call from the President of the United States, we don’t …
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Author: Smadar Prager, Psychotherapist, CGP

September 1st, 2015

1. Always prepare cloths and backpacks with the child the night before.   2. Make sure going to bed is a pleasant experience (and on time!).   3. Wake up the kids relaxed & with a smile (music is always a plus).   4. Allow enough time to calmly organize (you too).   5. Don't skip a nutritious breakfast (not milk & cereal).   6. Send a nutritious snack with a loving smiling encouraging note inside.   7. Make s …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

September 1st, 2015

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN JEWISH ECHO MAGAZINE'S COLUMN ASK-THE-THERAPIST   Question: Every year around Rosh Hashonah time, I make resolutions to try and improve and become a better person. The resolutions usually last a few weeks or months, and then I find myself slipping. Eventually they are forgotten about. What can I do to make my resolutions last?  Answer: Ahhhh. The good ol' New Year's Resolutions. We start of …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 1st, 2015

The First - Parshat  Ki Tavo There is something special about the first. Whether it is being the first or having the first, there is something different about 'the first'. The Americans and Russians spent millions of dollars on a race to be the first in space and then the first on the moon. Sports competitions are mostly about who is in first place. Firstborns around the world are viewed differently than subsequent offspring (I confess to be …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 26th, 2015

Complexity of Relationships - Parshat Ki Teitzei We have a tendency to categorize people as one kind or another. Good or bad, kind or nasty, generous or stingy - these are the kinds of categories we build for ourselves when dealing with people. It seems to help us when making decisions, seeking advice, or discussing community affairs. Yet, are we that simple, that one-sided, or that easy to categorize? The Torah challenges us in this week's parsh …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

August 23rd, 2015

NOTE: This article was originally published by Jewish Echo Magazine in Ask-the-Therapist column   Question: As a 35-year-old working father of five, I often find myself feeling frustrated. Between my responsibilities as a breadwinner, father, husband, community member, and learner,I often have difficulty juggling everything. How do I prioritize all these responsibilities?   Answer: First off, I do hope that your wife appreciates being …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 19th, 2015

Just Do It - Parshat  Shofetim We always want things to go well. We prepare for all contingencies. We gather information. This happens to us at work, at home, on vacation, while exercising or while planning a family event. We aim for success, and so we should. At what point does it become too much? When do we say 'enough' with planning? When do we then say - 'Just do it'? We find in this week's parsha, Parshat Shofetim, a fascinating juxtapo …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

August 15th, 2015

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE COLUMN ASK THE THERAPIST OF JEWISH ECHO MAGAZINE   Question: An integral part of my family life is spending quality "family time" with my children. When we go to the bungalow colony in the summer, I feel that because all the families are so close together, we lose that special "family time" element. How can I preserve that over the summer?   Answer: To be perfectly honest, your question …
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