Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

March 15th, 2015

At the end of our previous article, Sibling Rivalry Q and A, mom had told me, “my children sometimes play together very nicely, and sometimes they just leave each other alone which is fine with me. But all of a sudden, pandemonium breaks out and I can’t prevent it because I can’t tell when it’s going to happen.” I asked mom: And when it happens, what do you do? I send the two of them into timeout. You send the two of …
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March 11th, 2015

Dr. Shoshi Lewin     Social History: Client is a middle aged married employed male. Client was born to a lower class family and was originally employed as a stable boy. He worked his way up to the ranks through his prowess in the military. He became king through his first marriage to Vashti, daughter of Nevuchadnetzar. He is the ruler of 127 nations. He has been married twice, has one son, and has hundreds of women in his harem. Clinica …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 10th, 2015

The Human Need to Give - Parshat  Vayakhel-Pekudei  Is altruism dead? There are many cynics who might even say altruism never existed. People only give for their own neurotic needs, they might say. In Parshat Vayakhel-Pekudei, the people of Israel were first asked to contribute to the building of the tabernacle, and then, when the contributions were so plentiful, they were prevented from bringing more.1 Rabbi Jacob Mecklenburg poin …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

March 9th, 2015

How do you teach children shalom strategies when things are calm? Do you believe in timeout? And if yes, how would you do it? When does your child have the opportunity to learn how to regain shalom with her siblings? When does she get to reflect on how the shalom was lost to begin with? What is your expectation for her? Do you want her to develop a shalom strategy that will ensure unbroken tranquility with her siblings? Having never met her or a …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

March 9th, 2015

How do you help your children when they’re struggling with sibling rivalry? Recently, I’ve spoken to three different women’s groups who wanted help with sibling rivalry.   Each group began with the same question: Why can’t my children get along? I explained that sibling rivalry is common and probably unpreventable. I wanted to reassure them that they were not to blame for the bickering, yelling, fighting, and oth …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

March 8th, 2015

NOTE: This article was originally published in Therapy: A Sneak Peek Inside, a column in Binah Magazine.   I have a hard time charging for my services. A client comes in to my office. And very soon it’s obvious that the fee for each session is difficult to come by. And inside, it hurts me because I know that it may take a few weeks, even a few months, and sometimes a few years, to address the issues that bring the client int …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 3rd, 2015

A Part of a Whole - Parshat  Ki Tissa  Usually the easiest way to count is by using whole numbers…1,2,3… Other manners are possible but not quite as easy. Yet in this week's portion, Parshat Ki Tissa, there is a commandment to count the people by using half-shekels1, half a coin instead of a full coin. I agree that it is not a difficult manner in which to count people - just multiply by two and you have your sum. But why g …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

March 1st, 2015

NOTE: This article was originally published in the monthly Ask the Therapist column in Jewish Echo Magazine   Question: Our family is a regular middle class family with kids in the local yeshiva and girls’ school. Many of our children’s friends have things that we feel are not necessary for our children to have at their ages, i.e. an ipad for a twelve year old, the latest brand name shoes for our fourteen year old, etc. On t …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 24th, 2015

Glory for the People - Parshat Tetzaveh In imagining what the criteria were for the service in the temple, one would think of choosing special people to perform the spiritual  rituals and to ensure that the tools and utensils be able to fulfill the holy task. Whether or not it looks nice I would have thought to be of secondary importance at best. In this week's po­rtion, Parshat Tetzaveh, we find that the Torah goes out of its way to ass …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

February 24th, 2015

How did we communicate before there was texting? Much of the communication between individuals was conducted over the phone, but there were still remnants of the antiquated form known as “face to face.” Of course, the telephone and face to face communication are limited to small numbers of people you could address at one time. Before texting, how did we convey our messages to larger groups of people? Bumper stickers! And you thought …
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Author: Smadar Prager, Psychotherapist, CGP

February 17th, 2015

Once upon a time there was a very enlightened and holy Buddhist  monk. He lived in an isolated cave, on a mountain side, and occupied his time only in prayers and reflections all day and all night.  And one day he returned to his cave only to find that it is full of sassy and ugly demons. They completely took over his cave, 
cooked and ate his food,
slept in his bed,
ripped apart his holy books,
dirtied ever …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 17th, 2015

Living with Contradictions - Part 2 - Parshat Terumah I hate contradictions. I hate them in others and I hate them within myself. But they are always there! And I am not crazy about feeling hate. It's an unpleasant sensation. How do I stop this? In this week's Torah portion - Parshat Terumah - the Torah tells us that God will speak with Moses from the area on top of the Holy Ark. Rashi points out that in a different place it is written that God w …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

February 13th, 2015

Miri said that she thought that if she told me the truth, I would criticize her, and that’s why she lied to me; so I said, “and that makes it okay to lie?” And she said, “just like you’re criticizing me right now, that’s why I don’t even try to talk to you, and I wish you wouldn’t try to talk to me.” After recounting this to me, Miri’s mom looked me in the eye and said, “can’ …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

February 13th, 2015

Miri did lie. She told her mother that she hadn’t had any math homework for the past two weeks. When her eighth-grade math teacher called to ask why Miri’s homework hadn’t been completed, Miri’s mother said she would be sure to discuss it with her daughter. First, she discussed it with me. At first, she said she wasn’t sure how to punish Miri for lying to her, and wanted me to help her figure that out. Over the cours …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

February 13th, 2015

Shock and awe are rare for me these days. Over the course of more than 30 years of working with families, I’ve heard almost everything. But every now and then someone says something to me that leaves me speechless, albeit briefly. This was about a year ago. I was meeting with a mom who had come to me to talk about her concerns about her 14-year-old daughter. Miri, the mom told me, had lied to her. As I recall, our ensuing conversation went …
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Author: Elisheva Liss LMFT

February 3rd, 2015

There are, essentially, only two ways for kids to hear about sex: their parents, and Someplace Else. While that “someplace else” may be any one of a number of sources, what those sources tend to share is a lack of parental input. Whether it’s the school bus, sleepaway camp, a dirty joke, a teacher, or a predator- chances are, if it doesn’t come from parents, it will be inaccurate, incomplete, unhealthy, or a combination th …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 3rd, 2015

Techniques. Good for the Jews? Parshat Yitro We like to see ourselves as organized intelligent people who go about our business efficiently. Yet too often we get caught up in the doing and lose sight of our goals. When Moshe starts accepting people's complaints in court in Parshat Yitro, we find him sitting the whole day long hearing everyone's statements and counter-statements. Yitro notices this and suggests a different method of building a jus …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 27th, 2015

Rational Thinkers? Parshat Beshalach   During a tense moment in a Batman show, the villain is holding on for dear life while also continuing to grasp a heavy bag laden with treasure. If she lets go of the bag, she will be able to hold on until she can be saved. If she continues to hold on to the heavy bag, however, she will surely fall into the bottomless pit. Robin, Batman's sidekick, asks how she could possibly decide to hold on to the bag …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

January 25th, 2015

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN LINKS MAGAZINE, A PUBLICATION FOR GIRLS WHOSE PARENT(S) HAS DIED   Being a teenager is such hard work, is such a crazy, upside down time, is such a roller coaster ride of emotions, that you have no idea how glad I am that I am no longer one. My son once told me, “Ma, being a teenager is like the chicken pox. You gotta get over it no matter how much it itches.” Imagine my dismay that …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 23rd, 2015

Actions or Miracles? - Parshat Bo In the wake of recent anti-Semitic attacks worldwide*, there are people who wish for God to appear and perform miracles. "Let's just get it over and done with already," they say. Apparently, God doesn’t work like that. He requires action. Sometimes, as in Noah, the action of requiring Noah to build an ark is directly and clearly related to the event, the flood He is planning. Sometimes it isn't. In this wee …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

January 21st, 2015

Peer pressure usually is thought of as active, overt enticing, encouraging, or daring someone to do something. The pressure is most irresistible when it’s coming from a peer, especially for teenagers. That’s why I so often hear parents complain that they’ve told their teenage son or daughter that they don’t like this friend and want them to stay away from him or her.   I ask the parent to describe the conversation tha …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 16th, 2015

The Will to Want - Parshat Vaeira I like to believe that I am open to new experiences and new learning. There are even times when upon hearing a new thought I find that it can have a profound effect on me and how I live my life. It doesn’t happen often but it does happen. There is, in this week's Torah portion, Parshat Vaeira, a seemingly innocuous and superfluous comment by Rashi, the great medieval commentator. The Torah says that God app …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

January 13th, 2015

Note: This was originally published in Binah Magazine, in the ongoing column Therapy: A Sneak Peek Inside.              Here's a secret about therapy.             Therapists often go for supervision.             Here's a common scenario (although for reasons of confidentiality, I am using a scenario …
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Author: Mordechai Neuman

January 12th, 2015

  We all have stress in our lives. But what is stress? What is the psychological process in our mind that brings us to be stressed out? Let’s begin by exploring some theories—the Appraisal Theory and the CBT model—to help us gain a better understanding of how stress happens and how to reduce it. The Appraisal Theory (by Lazarus & Folkman) proposes that our mind makes two quick calculations—or appraisals—of …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 9th, 2015

Too Distraught - Parshat Shemot Have you ever had a situation when you were too distraught to actually focus on an activity or an assignment? This happened to me this week after my brother-in-law, Yitz Kurtz, was niftar. I was trying to decide whether or not to incorporate this into my essay. What would I write about, how to write it, etc? I was confused and having difficulty focusing. Do I skip this week altogether or just write a short message? …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

January 5th, 2015

Note: This article was orginally published in Jewish Echo Magazine's monthly column "Ask The Therapist."   Dear Therapist, I am a married mother of three. Recently my husband has become very busy at work and doesn't have much time for the children. He says it's a passing stage, because as he builds his business he will be able to hire more help. In the meantime, is there anything I can do for my children to compensate for my husband's lack o …
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Author: Rabbi Tzvi Fried, LCSW

January 5th, 2015

There are big “hates” and smaller “hates” -the big hates need to be contained, the lesser ones examined. First let’s see the big. People hate those who perpetrated violent crimes against them or loved ones; they suffer with injuries for years; think: murder, rape, assault. Or even less extreme brutality such as financial crimes: a tenant who wouldn’t move out and cost the landlord thousands of dollars and possi …
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Author: Chana Kaiman, LCSW and Miriam Yerushalmi, MS

January 5th, 2015

Definitions of Hate: Repulsion Intense dislike Disliking an unappealing object The desire to eliminate the “enemy” Eliminating the “other”   Origin of Hate: Hate is the opposite of love; it is a deep and passionate emotion that is essentially destructive. A convenient excuse for dysfunction, ineffectiveness and misfortune, hate assigns blame to the vulnerable. The need to protect self-esteem, reduce fears and strength …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 1st, 2015

Your Own Salad - Parshat Vayechi It's great to be able to open up the fridge, look inside and say - wow, there's enough here to make my own salad. That’s exactly what Jacob points out in this week's parsha - Parshat Vayechi. He calls his children together for one last time and gives each their own individual blessing. At the end of all the blessings, though, the Torah summarizes and says - "each man according to his blessing he blessed them …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

December 29th, 2014

Note: This article was originally published in LINKS MAGAZINE, put out by Links, an organization helping children and teens whose parent(s) has died                  Okay, so I have a friend who tells me, “My mother died when I was eight and I went back to school the day after the funeral. And then I am a teenager and whenever I’m feeling bratty or moody, I bl …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 25th, 2014

A Great Story - Parshat Vayigash Everyone loves a good story. The intrigue. The emotion. The thrill. The secrets. The ability to read the story again and again and never tire of it - even when you know the end. And of course there's the 'happy end'. This week's parsha, Parshat Vayigash has all the elements of a great story as it provides us with one of the most exciting and thrilling stories that never dies. The story of Joseph and his brothers h …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

December 24th, 2014

  I hope your grandchildren never need to ask that question. Mine did.   For over a year, I have not been able to roll on the floor with them after gently wrestling them to the ground. I haven’t been able to bounce them on my lap while telling them a story. I haven’t been able to lift them high up in the air to play Frog Hopper, or tickle them when they want me to.   The littlest ones don’t know what they’re …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

December 22nd, 2014

NOTE: This article was originally published in the Jewish Press Don't you hate it when people tell you that you need therapy? It's a nice way of saying, “Hey, Girl, you know you are a little crazy, right?” Or a subtle way of saying, “Girl, you are so messed up you need to have your head unshrinked.” So it's really annoying to have people tell you that there's something wrong with you and stick their nose into your busines …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 17th, 2014

But...But...But... - Parshat Miketz I have found in my professional work that the word "but" can be one of the most dangerous words a person can use. It is often used in the context of "yeah, I am capable of doing stuff but it never works out. I must be a failure" A person who says this often is suffering from low self-esteem and even when he says something good about himself, he discredits himself immediately. This statement is a self-inflicted …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

December 14th, 2014

Note: This was originally published in Binah Magazine as the inaugural article for my ongoing column Therapy: A Sneak Peek Inside   Agoraphobia, Borderline, Conduct Disorder, Depression, Encopresis…. Yep, I know the ABCs of mental disorders pretty well. As a matter of fact, when I sat in Abnormal Psychology classes in college, I thought I had symptoms of every mental disorder we learned about. (While I only thought I had them, my kids …
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Author: Elizabeth Carmen, MHC-LP

December 9th, 2014

While speaking to a client this week, I caught myself about to say something that I generally don't say: "I know you're in pain, BUT... think of all the good things in your life." In general, it IS good to focus on positive things, but I think that phrasing it like that invalidates the person's pain, essentially telling them that they should ignore the pain because they have many other blessings.  I don't believe that wallowing in one's pain …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 9th, 2014

To Live a Life of Ease - Parshat Vayeishev Have you ever had a saying that bothered you or followed you around for years because you just didn't 'get it'? I've had that experience with a line that Rashi uses near the beginning of this week's parsha - Parshat Vayeishev. The Torah relates that Yaakov was in the land of his fathers.1 Since we already knew that from previous sentences, this sentence is superfluous and must be coming to teach us somet …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

December 7th, 2014

Note: A variation of this article was published in Jewish Echo Magazine in the column Ask the Therapist   Question: Dear Mindy,   I try to lose weight and regardless of how many times people tell me I look good, I still feel fat. How do I change my perspective about myself instead of staring at the mirror and crying?   Answer:   It seems to me that you want me to wave a magic wand and produce some kind of answer out of thin a …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 4th, 2014

Having it all - Parshat Vayishlach Do you have it all? Can one ever have it all? How would you know if you did? In this week's parsha, Parshat Vayishlach, we find two different attitudes towards this very question. Yaakov sends Esav a gift to win his favor. When they meet, Esav says "I have much - brother, keep your gift." Yaakov replies, no, please take it for "I have it all."1 Is this just a semantic difference or is there something that reflec …
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Author: Elizabeth Carmen, MHC-LP

December 2nd, 2014

Regardless of how organized, calm, or put together someone may seem, we all know that stress is inevitable. People have different stress thresholds and “little things” may stress some people out more than others, but no one avoids it completely. From personal experience, most people know that stress can wreak absolute havoc on the body, leading to: headaches, stomach issues, high blood pressure and cholesterol, sleep issues, sexual is …
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