Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LMSW

February 25th, 2014

It’s midnight before the big exam, and you’re just pulling out the book to study. The garage is full of junk, and you’ve been promising to clear it out since the Mets won the World Series. There are so many things to do, they need to get done right now, and yet they linger on the list. What’s going on here? Why can’t we just get things done? The concept seems simple enough. Something needs to get done, so do it! But …
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Author: Dr. Sara Teichman, PsyD

February 25th, 2014

It is worrisome when our children are less than truthful; however, for ages six and under, what is perceived as lying by the adult is simply childish immaturity. In fact, it would be best for parents to avoid the term “lying” lest it turn into a self-fulfilling prophesy. Let me explain what I mean. Children, particularly those younger than six, have a very hard time differentiating between fantasy and reality. So, for example, a child …
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Author: Susan K. Gardin, Dr.PH, MPH, MS, MA, MHC

February 25th, 2014

Many years ago, when I was a relatively new parent, I struggled with getting my 3-year-old son to pick up his toys. At the end of the day when my son and his friend had spent hours building forts from couch pillows and battling mythical creatures from the Evil Empire, I would survey the carnage of my den/battlefield with dismay. While I was grateful that the boys had entertained themselves with imaginative play (not electronic devices!) all day, …
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Author: Lisa Twerski, LCSW

February 25th, 2014

Dear Readers,   When I think about the phrase “ one step at a time,” I think of a process that someone goes through to get from point A to point B. This certainly could include the process of making changes in your life. The problem is that while this may sound straightforward, simple even, it is not. Deciding that something in your life needs to change is actually fraught with so many possibilities at different stages, that peop …
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Author: Dr. Deb Hirschhorn, Ph.D., LMHC

February 25th, 2014

Victims of bullying face lowered self-esteem, depression, and even suicide. Bullies, as adults, tend to have higher divorce rates, domestic violence, job loss and criminal records. They tend to underachieve in life or misuse power. However, it is possible for schools, communities and parents to work together to reduce and prevent bullying. The problem is not bigger than they are. For parents, stopping their bullying child will take some effort, b …
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Author: Mindy Hajdu, MS, LCSW

February 25th, 2014

Your friend asks you for a favor. “Would it be okay to drive Chani to school until busing starts up again? Yanky has to be at work early, and it’s just too hard to get out with the baby. You know, weather and all…” “Sure!” you find yourself saying. A lady from the shul Sisterhood calls to let you know that Sarah just had a baby. “Can you make a meal for her tomorrow? I know it’s short notice, but s …
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Author: Dr. Michael J. Salamon, Ph.D.

February 25th, 2014

Reverberating circuits in the nervous system are bundles of nerves that return their signals to the original source, creating a positively reinforced structure. While this connecting loop happens among certain neurons within our bodies, there is increasing evidence that this type of circuitry can occur between two individuals who are attracted to one another. These reverberating circuits seem to jump across the space between two people. How this …
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Author: Chana Kaiman, LMSW and Miriam Yerushalmi, MS

February 25th, 2014

Parenting is a tough journey, but it's especially hard if you're the parent of a child with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges. Strong-willed, active children can become "challenging" when their caregivers run out of the energy and patience needed to deal with their behaviors. Most children can be difficult at times, but some are more challenging than others. Dr. Ross Greene, author of The Explosive Child and Lost at School, has in …
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Author: Kalman Canant, LCSW

February 25th, 2014

Bracha showed up late to her job late that morning on September 11, 2001. To her shock, nothing was left of her coworkers and acquaintances. Everything was destroyed by the terrorists. By the time Bracha made her way to my office 10 years later, it was still a struggle to even leave her residence. In addition to teaching Bracha coping tools of how to manage her PTSD symptoms, a main healing factor was her developing a belief perspective about the …
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Author: David Rosmarin, Ph.D.

February 25th, 2014

According to the Gallup Poll and Pew Forum, more than 90% of Americans believe in G-d, and religion is “very important” to more than 50% of the population. In fact, even in the least religious enclaves of the country (e.g., New Hampshire), nearly a quarter of residents attend religious services weekly and more than two-fifths pray on a daily basis. Furthermore, even in this increasingly secular period of history, spirituality continue …
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Author: Yonatan Gordon

February 24th, 2014

While walking the streets of Jerusalem two Fridays ago, I noticed flyers for a local high school play called “Attraction to Distraction.” The graphic depicts two teenage girls, standing in front of each other, but busily texting on their cell phones. Having justwritten about distraction the night before it didn’t take me long to realize that this advertisement had just inspired another article. In order to better appr …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

February 20th, 2014

The following article by Rav Mordechai Kamenetzky, Rosh Yeshiva of the Yeshiva of South Shore, is reprinted by permission. I received this article from my son, Yehuda Boruch, who is currently a Rebbe in Epstein Hebrew Academy, a Jewish Day School in St. Louis.  It was written by Glennon Menton.  Though I am not proficient in her other writings, the message of this piece, particular of the teacher she referenced, moved me.   It is r …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

February 13th, 2014

We’ve already had this conversation with my son. I have spoken with him about it so many times and he still does the same thing! Parents say that to me about all sorts of topics: getting started on homework instead of procrastinating, getting into bed on time, getting off the phone when asked to, cleaning up his room, not fighting with his sister; the list of issues being addressed is endless. The way some parents address them doesn’t …
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Author: Dr. Batya L. Ludman

February 7th, 2014

In the last two installments I tried to help men better understand women. These columns were also popular with women, many having shared them with, or read them to, their husbands. What have we learned and how will this help us understand what men want? For the most part, men want their wives to be happy. Why? A happy wife is indeed a happy life. So women, are you happy and where does the joy in your life come from? If you are not happy within yo …
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Author: Dr. Batya L. Ludman

February 7th, 2014

Dear husbands,  Last time I wrote that men and women want similar things in a relationship. They want to feel valued, loved, needed and appreciated. How each sex expresses  or feels this may differ, and this causes confusion and a communication breakdown, which if not dealt with, can lead to the dissolution of a relationship. I wrote about what makes a woman happy and spoke of her "list" of things that she feels needs attention before …
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Author: Dr. Batya L. Ludman

February 7th, 2014

After more than thirty years of working with couples in my office, I am convinced that women and men, for the most part, really do want the same things in a relationship. But they often go about pursuing this in completely different ways, and as a result, inadvertently can alienate the very person they love the most. We all know how frightening the divorce statistics are and I really do believe that if couples with difficulties sought counseling …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

February 5th, 2014

There are two paths to significance. Some things are significant because they are rare or indispensible. The scarcity of a gem may be the only basis for its value. We don’t require large quantities of food, but we cannot live without some. Other things only become significant when their quantity grows beyond the norm. Dirt and rocks aren’t all that significant until Hashem presents them to us as a Grand Canyon. When the two paths to s …
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Author: .

January 24th, 2014

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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

January 15th, 2014

Miri said that she thought that if she told me the truth, I would criticize her, and that’s why she lied to me; so I said, “and that makes it okay to lie?” And she said, “just like you’re criticizing me right now, that’s why I don’t even try to talk to you, and I wish you wouldn’t try to talk to me.” After recounting this to me, Miri’s mom looked me in the eye and said, “can’t I ever criticize her when she does somethin …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

January 10th, 2014

Miri did lie.  She told her mother that she hadn’t had any math homework for the past two weeks.  When her eighth-grade math teacher called to ask why Miri’s homework hadn’t been completed, Miri’s mother said she would be sure to discuss it with her daughter.  First, she discussed it with me. At first, she said she wasn’t sure how to punish Miri for lying to her, and wanted me to help her figure that out.  Over th …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

January 5th, 2014

Shock and awe are rare for me these days.  Over the course of more than 30 years of working with families, I've heard almost everything.  But every now and then someone says something to me that leaves me speechless, albeit briefly.
This was about a year ago.  I was meeting with a mom who had come to me to talk about her concerns about her 14-year-old daughter.  Miri, the mom told me, had lied to her.  As I recall, o …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

December 9th, 2013

Most of the time, when you say the word “why” you put someone on the defensive.   There is one good time to use the word why. It’s when you ask yourself, “why not?”   Unfortunately, many parents tend to ask themselves the opposite question: “why should I?” Their default response to most of their children’s requests is twofold.  First they ask themselves “why should I” and then they tell their child “no.â …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

December 2nd, 2013

I am your daughter, sister, niece, cousin, friend... I am a teenager studying in a [mainstream] High School in [city name]. I am writing this article in the first person for I feel so deeply about this issue. Watching & hearing friends, relatives, & peers struggling with some or all these feelings I felt compelled to write about it. Have you ever walked down the street and seen a teenage boy or girl from a family that you may know dr …
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Author: Sarah Kahan, LMSW

November 27th, 2013

The definition of empathy is the ability to mutually experience the thoughts, emotions, and the direct experience of others. It is commonly described as the ability to “walk a mile in someone else’s shoes” or “see things from another perspective.” It goes beyond sympathy, which is a feeling of care and understanding for the suffering of others. Psychologists today are studying the complex pathways of human development and pinpointing …
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Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD

November 27th, 2013

We’ve all been there. A loved one says “sorry” and we feel uneasy and confused. On one hand, it seems ungracious to refuse an apology, but on the other, the apology feels empty and insincere. But because the other person has apologized, he feels that the matter is closed and so, unsettled as we may feel, we let it go… and the resentment begins to build.   For those of you who have trouble recognizing this pattern in your life, go …
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Author: Martin E. Friedlander, Esq.

November 27th, 2013

Nowadays, it seems like not a week goes by in which we don’t see headlines of someone being charged or arrested for abuse. Sometimes it is a teacher or a person in a position of power, at times even a parent, who was molesting or abusing a child. Other times, it is a story of domestic violence and abuse. Either way, abuse has been a plague that has increased with time. When I say increased, I mean that victims are now finding the courage to c …
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Author: Mindy Hajdu, MS, LCSW

November 27th, 2013

Parent: Avi, please do your homework. Avi: I don’t want to! It’s so dumb! Parent: Avi, how many times do I have to ask you to do your homework?! You’re gonna fail the fifth grade if you don’t get started! And don’t talk like that – it’s not nice! Avi: I hate school and I hate this house! (Avi pushes his books across the table) Parent: (Pulse racing) That’s it, go to your room! You are grounded for the next month! (Avi goes …
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Author: Marlene Greenspan, MA, LPC

November 27th, 2013

Payback time, the time period when the parent/child relationship changes and the roles reverse, is a very difficult experience when dealing with an elderly parent’s final illness. The original parent-child relationship plays a big role in this new experience for parent and child. When children are young, parenting requires structuring and nurturing the child in many ways so the child can learn appropriate behaviors that lead to his or her suc …
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Author: Sarah Kahan, LMSW

November 27th, 2013

Malka’s mother approached me about her daughter. A few acquaintances and friends have expressed an interest in setting her daughter up on a date and she doesn't know what to do. Malka keeps begging her mother to set her up since she wants to get married just like her friends. She keeps asking her mother many questions about what kind of boy she should date, what will it be like for her as a married woman, etc.   Is this scenario routin …
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Author: Linda N. Baron Katz

November 27th, 2013

One of the issues I grappled with after being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, was being accepted, particularly in the Orthodox Jewish community. You see, I am an Orthodox woman – I keep my head covered, dress modestly, keep kosher, observe the Sabbath and Jewish holidays, and am readily identified as an observant Jewish woman. Community has always been very important to me, both as a Jewish woman, and as a woman in recovery.   Sa …
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Author: Multiple

November 27th, 2013

I’m So Confused, Am I Being Abused?   By Lisa Twerski, LCSW   Domestic abuse is a reality that some unfortunately face in their marriages, and one that can be quite confusing and difficult to grapple with. In her book, I'm So Confused, Am I Being Abused?, Lisa Twerski, LCSW explains how to differentiate between dysfunction, disorders and domestic abuse. According to Twerski, it is important to discern "whether the emotional ab …
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Author: Dvora Entin, LCSW

November 27th, 2013

The months before a baby’s birth are filled with excitement and the anticipation of a life-changing event. Your body is adjusting to creating new life and your mind is adjusting to the new role you are about to assume. For the birth of a first child, you spend the months planning, dreaming about the new baby, names, sleepless nights ahead and the thrill of becoming a mother, while preparing for a growing family includes months filled with tho …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LMSW

November 27th, 2013

It takes a lot of courage to walk into a therapist’s office. Many people think of asking for help for months or years before they actually reach out. Finally, you’ve taken that first step. Congratulations! Now, once you’re inside, how can you make the most of your experience? How can you make sure you are getting what you truly need?   Therapy is not a miracle drug. It requires work; you get out of therapy what you put into it. Th …
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Author: Michael J. Salamon, Ph.D.

November 27th, 2013

In a 1943 paper entitled “A Theory of Human Motivation,” Dr. Abraham Maslow, a prominent psychologist, proposed what has come to be known as Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. The Hierarchy, often pictured as a pyramid, contains five levels of needs thought to be common to all. These five levels are a road map that each individual must fulfill as they progress to the pinnacle of self-actualization, the goal point of need at which a person overc …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

November 20th, 2013

Where do you get stuck?  At the kiddush, on the phone, at a vort, at a wedding, on the street, in the store?  How often do you find yourself stuck in a conversation that you’d like to conclude but you don’t want to be rude?  How does your courtesy towards the person you’re unwilling or unable to interrupt affect other people in your life who, ostensibly, are more important to you? I knew that Mendy was waiting for me to he …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

November 17th, 2013

One of the words I hear most frequently from parents is “overwhelmed.” When a parent tells me that she is overwhelmed, I usually say, “That sounds very difficult.  What do you do when you’re overwhelmed?” I don’t know what to do. So what do you do? I just told you.  I don’t know what to do when I’m feeling overwhelmed. I see.  But the last time you were overwhelmed, what did you do? I didn’t know what to d …
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Author: Shimon Frankel, MSW, LCSW

November 13th, 2013

Sex addiction has become something of an epidemic in the frum community. It is unfortunate but it is the reality. A recent international 12-step retreat of 800 recovering sex addicts and their partners from all over the world, had close to 300 frum participants. That is over one third of the conference!  If you are a successful therapist in the frum community who does not seem to have any clients who you suspect may be sexually addicted …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

November 6th, 2013

You’ve probably noticed that my weekly column is entitled Nachas Notes.  I named it after the Nachas Notebook™ which I created many years ago.  It has proven to be a powerful tool for building more effective parents and more successful children.   The Nachas Notebook™ is based on the principle of hakoras hatov, noticing and acknowledging when your child does something well.  There are at least three benefits to buil …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

November 3rd, 2013

Just the other day I was walking down the street.  All of a sudden I became aware of the fact that I was feeling happy.  I stopped in my tracks and said to myself, “oh my gosh, I’m happy, what’s happening here, this is terrible, what could this be, why is this happening to me, how do I make it go away and make sure it never, ever happens to me again?” The preceding paragraph sounds very strange, doesn’t it?  It doesn…
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

October 27th, 2013

Did you ever notice how easy it is to say you’re sorry as long you don’t say anything more than that?  If you bump into somebody, you say, “sorry,” and you go on to the next thing.    What happens if you bump into someone and you knock them over?  Do you just say that you’re sorry and move on to the next thing, or do you stop and try to help?  Do you feel bad that you were not more careful and you want to t …
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