Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 11th, 2015

It Ain't Easy - Bechukotai The baseball season is well under way and the basketball playoffs are heating up. When we watch these professional athletes play it seems so easy to hit the ball, make a running catch, strikeout a home run king, dribble with both hands and sink a reverse layup. But hours upon hours of work go into perfecting their moves. They watch videos, train with coaches and then exercise and practice some more. The same thing goes …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

May 10th, 2015

Did you ever notice how easy it is to say you’re sorry as long you don’t say anything more than that? If you bump into somebody, you say, “sorry,” and you go onto the next thing. What happens if you bump into someone and you knock them over? Do you just say that you’re sorry and move onto the next thing, or do you stop and try to help? Do you feel bad that you were not more careful and you want to think about how you …
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Author: Reuben E. Gross, PhD

May 10th, 2015

In the legendary town of Chelm lived many philosophers and savants. The story is told about one of these ruminators who developed the fear that when he disrobed his distinctive garments at the public bathhouse, he would lose his distinctiveness, look like everybody else and lose his identity forever. In order to forestall this catastrophe, he tied a string around his ankle, but was thunderstruck one day when he noticed that the string was missing …
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Author: Reuben E. Gross, PhD

May 10th, 2015

A young man in his late twenties recently told me: “I don't want all the tea in China. All I want is some­one to love — and to love me." A young woman said that she was so bursting with love that she couldn't bear it any longer. Indeed, one poet believes that it is better to love than to be loved. “The pleasure of love is in loving. We are happier in the passion we feel than in that we inspire” What do these two single …
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Author: Smadar Prager, Psychotherapist, CGP

May 13th, 2015

I love stories that help us understand ourselves better, and create a different way of thinking to initiate change within ourselves or with others. Here’s another lovely one: A man is walking down the street wearing a hat and a jacket. The sun and the wind got into an argument: which one of them would be able to take his hat and jacket off of him? The wind thought that she would be able to do that without a shadow of a doubt, whilst the sun …
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Author: Chana Kaiman, LCSW

May 7th, 2015

Why be silent when you can be part of a collective voice? Vote Chana Kaiman, LCSW For Delegate Assembly and Member-At-Large in NASW Chapter Elections. As a clinician, advocate and potential Delegate Assembly Member, I will have the ability to influence upcoming Social Work Bylaws and revisions. I plan on representing community concerns in the upcoming Code of Ethics revision meetings. In addition to increasing overall vi …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 5th, 2015

This topic has people confused. Is it right to want to make an impression? Shouldn’t I just be myself? Don’t people make their own impressions of me anyway - I might want to control that. On the other hand, as Rav Aviner once said, I don't want to become an indentured servant to the society I live in. The answer I believe is, of course, both are right (and, yes, I do know the next question 'how could both be right' and, yes, you are r …
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Author: Reuben E. Gross, PhD

May 3rd, 2015

I doubt if a married person can pose a more vexing question to a marriage-minded Jewish single than the oft repeated quote, "So how come you're not married?" Other forms of the question include "My G-d, are you still single?" usually exclaimed with great surprise after meeting someone by chance some twenty years after the questioner originally met or dated the single and took a kind of liking to him/her, confident that he/she would have been snat …
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Author: Reuben E. Gross, PhD

May 3rd, 2015

In the musical "Fiddler on the Roof" the heroine is amazed when her husband presses her for an answer to the question: “but do you love me?” The play is bas­ed on the story "Tevye's Daughters" by Sholom Aleichem. In the Eastern European shtetl "love" wasn't a frequently discussed topic. Essentially, Golde's answer was, “what do you mean do I love you? I wash your clothing, prepare your meals and bear your children, how could …
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Author: Reuben E. Gross, PhD

May 3rd, 2015

At a Singles Exposition in New York City where I was a guest speaker on the topic "Cop­ing with the Dating Game" many years ago, approximately 3500 never-marrieds, divorced, separated and widowed gathered to meet each other, listen to lectures geared to their interests, and talk to coordinators or sales represent­atives at 108 booths catering to their specific needs. Most frequently represented among these booths were a variety of dating …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

May 3rd, 2015

Someone once said, “more than the Jews have kept the Sabbath, the Sabbath has kept the Jews.” He meant to say that by keeping Shabbos, Jews have an anchor and a basic Jewish identity, no matter what they’re exposed to and involved with during the rest of the week. It would seem that Shabbos is the easiest day to be Jewish. Spending the day in the confines of our community, shul, and home we are shielded from the outside influenc …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 30th, 2015

Love Yourself To "Love Thy Neighbor"- Acharei Mot-Kedoshim The concept of 'brotherly love' is international. There is even a city named for the concept - Philadelphia. Yet there is another, more basic concept  that often gets overlooked. One of the most famous and oft-quoted sentences of the Torah (and the famous rabbinic principle based on it) appears in this week's parsha, Acharei Mot-Kedoshim. "Love thy neighbor as thyself"1 is a basic te …
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Author: Chana Kaiman, LCSW

April 28th, 2015

  Within the past few years the number of Jewish professionals entering Mental Health care has grown exponentially. Now more than ever, there is a greater need to to advocate for specific services, unite with other providers and develop representation among the larger group. For decades NASW has protected social workers and established rights and responsibilities. NASW is a powerful organization whose mission is to support us throu …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

April 27th, 2015

Question: As a 35-year-old working father of five, I often find myself feeling frustrated. Between my responsibilities as a breadwinner, father, husband, community member, and learner,I often have difficulty juggling everything. How do I prioritize all these responsibilities?   Answer:             First off, I do hope that your wife appreciates being married to such a wonderful guy who …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 21st, 2015

The Bigness of Little Things - Parshat Tazria-Metzora We tend to care for the expensive items we have at home. We insure our jewelry, put money in safes, build cabinets for silver candlesticks, etc. There is even a special Muktza1 category for expensive items - "muktza due to possible loss of money". The Torah however, shows interest in a person's simple possessions as well. In Parshat Metzora, the Torah tells us that leprosy can strike a person' …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

April 14th, 2015

According to a well-known adage, there is no such thing as verbal abuse.  “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never harm me.”  If we are impervious to words, then words cannot be a source of abuse. Of course, we know that’s not true. The tongue is a powerful weapon of abuse; it can be lethal. We know this by experience, but we also know from Tanach. “Death and life are in the hand of the tongue,&r …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 14th, 2015

 The Other Mourners When a parent loses a child, the community, friends and family gather round to try and find ways to support the parents and siblings, if there are, in this difficult time. But how about the others - friends and family who are not direct mourners*? In Judaism, there are no official laws for them. Are they not mourners? In a humanly tragic moment, in Parshat Shemini, Aaron's children were killed before his eyes and the eyes …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

April 13th, 2015

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY WRITTEN FOR THE COLUMN A SNEAK PEEK INSIDE, IN BINAH MAGAZINE It does seem so drastic.
I mean, the couple just got married and are having a little issue or two. You don’t need a therapist for that, for goodness sake. A little chat with the Rav, a kallah teacher, a little common sense, a little compromise, and all is good as new.
Or that student who is arguing non-stop with her mother. …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 8th, 2015

The Maid's Epiphany - 7th Day Pesach Making a change which involves a sense of gaining one's independence can be an exciting and thrilling moment. Whether it is going from being a salaried employee to being an entrepreneur, getting out of a bad relationship, release from jail - these all represent a change where the person will now be in greater charge of their own destiny. The Midrash describes such an epiphany. In the story of the splitting of …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 31st, 2015

Statue of Responsibility - Pesach "The Festival of our Liberty" is one of the nicknames of Pesach1 and points to the fact that our ancestors were freed from the Egyptian slavery on this date. We celebrate that we are no longer under the control of another nation and are free to do as we wish. We celebrate liberty as do nations around the world. The Liberty Bell in Philadelphia and the Statue ofLiberty in New York, as well as Independence Park in …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 24th, 2015

Taking for Granted - Parshat Tzav We all know that in times of trouble many people turn to God for help. They engage in prayer for the item or the change that they wish. "There are no atheists in a foxhole," the saying goes. But if his answers are fulfilled, what is his reaction? Does he then turn to God? There is an old story about a man driving to a job interview but couldn’t find a parking spot. He drove around and around and still was u …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

March 23rd, 2015

Note: This was originally published in JEWISH ECHO MAGAZINES's monthly column "Ask the Therapist."   Question: Recently, my husband’s religious views have been changing. His hashkafos and values are becoming more liberal than they used to be. How can we keep these newly developed differences in our hashkafos from affecting our children?  Answer: Before I answer this question, I would like to make it very, very clear that the perso …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 18th, 2015

Taking Responsibility - Parshat Vayikra We become excited when we do something well. It helps our self-esteem. It gives us a boost - and the more significant it is the greater it impacts us. It can even carry us through our day. We relish in those days. There are other days, when we make mistakes. They similarly impact us but with a negative sense of self. We can become embarrassed and try to cover up what we did from others and even sometimes fr …
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Author: Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C

March 17th, 2015

Parenting was never a sport for the faint of heart. It takes tremendous mental and physical energy, there are few if any breaks, and it can even get a little bloody. It seems that in recent times, however, the ante has been upped even more: with the ever-expanding reach of the internet and its access points, the kinds of trouble our kids can get into has mushroomed, as we have unfortunately seen in news story after news story. How does this chang …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

March 15th, 2015

At the end of our previous article, Sibling Rivalry Q and A, mom had told me, “my children sometimes play together very nicely, and sometimes they just leave each other alone which is fine with me. But all of a sudden, pandemonium breaks out and I can’t prevent it because I can’t tell when it’s going to happen.” I asked mom: And when it happens, what do you do? I send the two of them into timeout. You send the two of …
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March 11th, 2015

Dr. Shoshi Lewin     Social History: Client is a middle aged married employed male. Client was born to a lower class family and was originally employed as a stable boy. He worked his way up to the ranks through his prowess in the military. He became king through his first marriage to Vashti, daughter of Nevuchadnetzar. He is the ruler of 127 nations. He has been married twice, has one son, and has hundreds of women in his harem. Clinica …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 10th, 2015

The Human Need to Give - Parshat  Vayakhel-Pekudei  Is altruism dead? There are many cynics who might even say altruism never existed. People only give for their own neurotic needs, they might say. In Parshat Vayakhel-Pekudei, the people of Israel were first asked to contribute to the building of the tabernacle, and then, when the contributions were so plentiful, they were prevented from bringing more.1 Rabbi Jacob Mecklenburg poin …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

March 9th, 2015

How do you teach children shalom strategies when things are calm? Do you believe in timeout? And if yes, how would you do it? When does your child have the opportunity to learn how to regain shalom with her siblings? When does she get to reflect on how the shalom was lost to begin with? What is your expectation for her? Do you want her to develop a shalom strategy that will ensure unbroken tranquility with her siblings? Having never met her or a …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

March 9th, 2015

How do you help your children when they’re struggling with sibling rivalry? Recently, I’ve spoken to three different women’s groups who wanted help with sibling rivalry.   Each group began with the same question: Why can’t my children get along? I explained that sibling rivalry is common and probably unpreventable. I wanted to reassure them that they were not to blame for the bickering, yelling, fighting, and oth …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

March 8th, 2015

NOTE: This article was originally published in Therapy: A Sneak Peek Inside, a column in Binah Magazine.   I have a hard time charging for my services. A client comes in to my office. And very soon it’s obvious that the fee for each session is difficult to come by. And inside, it hurts me because I know that it may take a few weeks, even a few months, and sometimes a few years, to address the issues that bring the client int …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 3rd, 2015

A Part of a Whole - Parshat  Ki Tissa  Usually the easiest way to count is by using whole numbers…1,2,3… Other manners are possible but not quite as easy. Yet in this week's portion, Parshat Ki Tissa, there is a commandment to count the people by using half-shekels1, half a coin instead of a full coin. I agree that it is not a difficult manner in which to count people - just multiply by two and you have your sum. But why g …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

March 1st, 2015

NOTE: This article was originally published in the monthly Ask the Therapist column in Jewish Echo Magazine   Question: Our family is a regular middle class family with kids in the local yeshiva and girls’ school. Many of our children’s friends have things that we feel are not necessary for our children to have at their ages, i.e. an ipad for a twelve year old, the latest brand name shoes for our fourteen year old, etc. On t …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 24th, 2015

Glory for the People - Parshat Tetzaveh In imagining what the criteria were for the service in the temple, one would think of choosing special people to perform the spiritual  rituals and to ensure that the tools and utensils be able to fulfill the holy task. Whether or not it looks nice I would have thought to be of secondary importance at best. In this week's po­rtion, Parshat Tetzaveh, we find that the Torah goes out of its way to ass …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

February 24th, 2015

How did we communicate before there was texting? Much of the communication between individuals was conducted over the phone, but there were still remnants of the antiquated form known as “face to face.” Of course, the telephone and face to face communication are limited to small numbers of people you could address at one time. Before texting, how did we convey our messages to larger groups of people? Bumper stickers! And you thought …
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Author: Smadar Prager, Psychotherapist, CGP

February 17th, 2015

Once upon a time there was a very enlightened and holy Buddhist  monk. He lived in an isolated cave, on a mountain side, and occupied his time only in prayers and reflections all day and all night.  And one day he returned to his cave only to find that it is full of sassy and ugly demons. They completely took over his cave, 
cooked and ate his food,
slept in his bed,
ripped apart his holy books,
dirtied ever …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 17th, 2015

Living with Contradictions - Part 2 - Parshat Terumah I hate contradictions. I hate them in others and I hate them within myself. But they are always there! And I am not crazy about feeling hate. It's an unpleasant sensation. How do I stop this? In this week's Torah portion - Parshat Terumah - the Torah tells us that God will speak with Moses from the area on top of the Holy Ark. Rashi points out that in a different place it is written that God w …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

February 13th, 2015

Miri said that she thought that if she told me the truth, I would criticize her, and that’s why she lied to me; so I said, “and that makes it okay to lie?” And she said, “just like you’re criticizing me right now, that’s why I don’t even try to talk to you, and I wish you wouldn’t try to talk to me.” After recounting this to me, Miri’s mom looked me in the eye and said, “can’ …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

February 13th, 2015

Miri did lie. She told her mother that she hadn’t had any math homework for the past two weeks. When her eighth-grade math teacher called to ask why Miri’s homework hadn’t been completed, Miri’s mother said she would be sure to discuss it with her daughter. First, she discussed it with me. At first, she said she wasn’t sure how to punish Miri for lying to her, and wanted me to help her figure that out. Over the cours …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

February 13th, 2015

Shock and awe are rare for me these days. Over the course of more than 30 years of working with families, I’ve heard almost everything. But every now and then someone says something to me that leaves me speechless, albeit briefly. This was about a year ago. I was meeting with a mom who had come to me to talk about her concerns about her 14-year-old daughter. Miri, the mom told me, had lied to her. As I recall, our ensuing conversation went …
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Author: Elisheva Liss LMFT

February 3rd, 2015

There are, essentially, only two ways for kids to hear about sex: their parents, and Someplace Else. While that “someplace else” may be any one of a number of sources, what those sources tend to share is a lack of parental input. Whether it’s the school bus, sleepaway camp, a dirty joke, a teacher, or a predator- chances are, if it doesn’t come from parents, it will be inaccurate, incomplete, unhealthy, or a combination th …
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