Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 3rd, 2015

Techniques. Good for the Jews? Parshat Yitro We like to see ourselves as organized intelligent people who go about our business efficiently. Yet too often we get caught up in the doing and lose sight of our goals. When Moshe starts accepting people's complaints in court in Parshat Yitro, we find him sitting the whole day long hearing everyone's statements and counter-statements. Yitro notices this and suggests a different method of building a jus …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 27th, 2015

Rational Thinkers? Parshat Beshalach   During a tense moment in a Batman show, the villain is holding on for dear life while also continuing to grasp a heavy bag laden with treasure. If she lets go of the bag, she will be able to hold on until she can be saved. If she continues to hold on to the heavy bag, however, she will surely fall into the bottomless pit. Robin, Batman's sidekick, asks how she could possibly decide to hold on to the bag …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

January 25th, 2015

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN LINKS MAGAZINE, A PUBLICATION FOR GIRLS WHOSE PARENT(S) HAS DIED   Being a teenager is such hard work, is such a crazy, upside down time, is such a roller coaster ride of emotions, that you have no idea how glad I am that I am no longer one. My son once told me, “Ma, being a teenager is like the chicken pox. You gotta get over it no matter how much it itches.” Imagine my dismay that …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 23rd, 2015

Actions or Miracles? - Parshat Bo In the wake of recent anti-Semitic attacks worldwide*, there are people who wish for God to appear and perform miracles. "Let's just get it over and done with already," they say. Apparently, God doesn’t work like that. He requires action. Sometimes, as in Noah, the action of requiring Noah to build an ark is directly and clearly related to the event, the flood He is planning. Sometimes it isn't. In this wee …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

January 21st, 2015

Peer pressure usually is thought of as active, overt enticing, encouraging, or daring someone to do something. The pressure is most irresistible when it’s coming from a peer, especially for teenagers. That’s why I so often hear parents complain that they’ve told their teenage son or daughter that they don’t like this friend and want them to stay away from him or her.   I ask the parent to describe the conversation tha …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 16th, 2015

The Will to Want - Parshat Vaeira I like to believe that I am open to new experiences and new learning. There are even times when upon hearing a new thought I find that it can have a profound effect on me and how I live my life. It doesn’t happen often but it does happen. There is, in this week's Torah portion, Parshat Vaeira, a seemingly innocuous and superfluous comment by Rashi, the great medieval commentator. The Torah says that God app …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

January 13th, 2015

Note: This was originally published in Binah Magazine, in the ongoing column Therapy: A Sneak Peek Inside.              Here's a secret about therapy.             Therapists often go for supervision.             Here's a common scenario (although for reasons of confidentiality, I am using a scenario …
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Author: Mordechai Neuman

January 12th, 2015

  We all have stress in our lives. But what is stress? What is the psychological process in our mind that brings us to be stressed out? Let’s begin by exploring some theories—the Appraisal Theory and the CBT model—to help us gain a better understanding of how stress happens and how to reduce it. The Appraisal Theory (by Lazarus & Folkman) proposes that our mind makes two quick calculations—or appraisals—of …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 9th, 2015

Too Distraught - Parshat Shemot Have you ever had a situation when you were too distraught to actually focus on an activity or an assignment? This happened to me this week after my brother-in-law, Yitz Kurtz, was niftar. I was trying to decide whether or not to incorporate this into my essay. What would I write about, how to write it, etc? I was confused and having difficulty focusing. Do I skip this week altogether or just write a short message? …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

January 5th, 2015

Note: This article was orginally published in Jewish Echo Magazine's monthly column "Ask The Therapist."   Dear Therapist, I am a married mother of three. Recently my husband has become very busy at work and doesn't have much time for the children. He says it's a passing stage, because as he builds his business he will be able to hire more help. In the meantime, is there anything I can do for my children to compensate for my husband's lack o …
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Author: Rabbi Tzvi Fried, LCSW

January 5th, 2015

There are big “hates” and smaller “hates” -the big hates need to be contained, the lesser ones examined. First let’s see the big. People hate those who perpetrated violent crimes against them or loved ones; they suffer with injuries for years; think: murder, rape, assault. Or even less extreme brutality such as financial crimes: a tenant who wouldn’t move out and cost the landlord thousands of dollars and possi …
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Author: Chana Kaiman, LCSW and Miriam Yerushalmi, MS

January 5th, 2015

Definitions of Hate: Repulsion Intense dislike Disliking an unappealing object The desire to eliminate the “enemy” Eliminating the “other”   Origin of Hate: Hate is the opposite of love; it is a deep and passionate emotion that is essentially destructive. A convenient excuse for dysfunction, ineffectiveness and misfortune, hate assigns blame to the vulnerable. The need to protect self-esteem, reduce fears and strength …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 1st, 2015

Your Own Salad - Parshat Vayechi It's great to be able to open up the fridge, look inside and say - wow, there's enough here to make my own salad. That’s exactly what Jacob points out in this week's parsha - Parshat Vayechi. He calls his children together for one last time and gives each their own individual blessing. At the end of all the blessings, though, the Torah summarizes and says - "each man according to his blessing he blessed them …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

December 29th, 2014

Note: This article was originally published in LINKS MAGAZINE, put out by Links, an organization helping children and teens whose parent(s) has died                  Okay, so I have a friend who tells me, “My mother died when I was eight and I went back to school the day after the funeral. And then I am a teenager and whenever I’m feeling bratty or moody, I bl …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 25th, 2014

A Great Story - Parshat Vayigash Everyone loves a good story. The intrigue. The emotion. The thrill. The secrets. The ability to read the story again and again and never tire of it - even when you know the end. And of course there's the 'happy end'. This week's parsha, Parshat Vayigash has all the elements of a great story as it provides us with one of the most exciting and thrilling stories that never dies. The story of Joseph and his brothers h …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

December 24th, 2014

  I hope your grandchildren never need to ask that question. Mine did.   For over a year, I have not been able to roll on the floor with them after gently wrestling them to the ground. I haven’t been able to bounce them on my lap while telling them a story. I haven’t been able to lift them high up in the air to play Frog Hopper, or tickle them when they want me to.   The littlest ones don’t know what they’re …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

December 22nd, 2014

NOTE: This article was originally published in the Jewish Press Don't you hate it when people tell you that you need therapy? It's a nice way of saying, “Hey, Girl, you know you are a little crazy, right?” Or a subtle way of saying, “Girl, you are so messed up you need to have your head unshrinked.” So it's really annoying to have people tell you that there's something wrong with you and stick their nose into your busines …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 17th, 2014

But...But...But... - Parshat Miketz I have found in my professional work that the word "but" can be one of the most dangerous words a person can use. It is often used in the context of "yeah, I am capable of doing stuff but it never works out. I must be a failure" A person who says this often is suffering from low self-esteem and even when he says something good about himself, he discredits himself immediately. This statement is a self-inflicted …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

December 14th, 2014

Note: This was originally published in Binah Magazine as the inaugural article for my ongoing column Therapy: A Sneak Peek Inside   Agoraphobia, Borderline, Conduct Disorder, Depression, Encopresis…. Yep, I know the ABCs of mental disorders pretty well. As a matter of fact, when I sat in Abnormal Psychology classes in college, I thought I had symptoms of every mental disorder we learned about. (While I only thought I had them, my kids …
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Author: Elizabeth Carmen, MHC-LP

December 9th, 2014

While speaking to a client this week, I caught myself about to say something that I generally don't say: "I know you're in pain, BUT... think of all the good things in your life." In general, it IS good to focus on positive things, but I think that phrasing it like that invalidates the person's pain, essentially telling them that they should ignore the pain because they have many other blessings.  I don't believe that wallowing in one's pain …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 9th, 2014

To Live a Life of Ease - Parshat Vayeishev Have you ever had a saying that bothered you or followed you around for years because you just didn't 'get it'? I've had that experience with a line that Rashi uses near the beginning of this week's parsha - Parshat Vayeishev. The Torah relates that Yaakov was in the land of his fathers.1 Since we already knew that from previous sentences, this sentence is superfluous and must be coming to teach us somet …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

December 7th, 2014

Note: A variation of this article was published in Jewish Echo Magazine in the column Ask the Therapist   Question: Dear Mindy,   I try to lose weight and regardless of how many times people tell me I look good, I still feel fat. How do I change my perspective about myself instead of staring at the mirror and crying?   Answer:   It seems to me that you want me to wave a magic wand and produce some kind of answer out of thin a …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 4th, 2014

Having it all - Parshat Vayishlach Do you have it all? Can one ever have it all? How would you know if you did? In this week's parsha, Parshat Vayishlach, we find two different attitudes towards this very question. Yaakov sends Esav a gift to win his favor. When they meet, Esav says "I have much - brother, keep your gift." Yaakov replies, no, please take it for "I have it all."1 Is this just a semantic difference or is there something that reflec …
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Author: Elizabeth Carmen, MHC-LP

December 2nd, 2014

Regardless of how organized, calm, or put together someone may seem, we all know that stress is inevitable. People have different stress thresholds and “little things” may stress some people out more than others, but no one avoids it completely. From personal experience, most people know that stress can wreak absolute havoc on the body, leading to: headaches, stomach issues, high blood pressure and cholesterol, sleep issues, sexual is …
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Author: Mordechai Neuman, Disaster Response Crisis Counselor

December 2nd, 2014

We all have stress in our lives. But what is stress? What is the psychological process in our mind that brings us to be stressed out? Let’s begin by exploring some theories—the Appraisal Theory and the CBT model—to help us gain a better understanding of how stress happens and how to reduce it. The Appraisal Theory (by Lazarus & Folkman) proposes that our mind makes two quick calculations—or appraisals—of every si …
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Author: Rachel Factor, MSW

December 2nd, 2014

Stress seems to be an inevitable part of our lives.  There are family stressors, work stressors, financial stressors, just to name a few.  At one point someone shared with me an idea that stress is merely a result of our thinking.  Once we have healthier thoughts we no longer have stress.  I had difficulty accepting this premise.  After all, sometimes life can seem really tough.  However, as life goes on I’m ac …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 25th, 2014

The Responsibility of Choice - Parshat Vayeitzei Miracles are but one way in which God effects change in the world. When the children of Israel were to leave Egypt, He brought upon them 10 plagues and then split the Red Sea. Yet there are times when God demands of us to take responsibility for our actions. Near the end of this week's Parsha, Vayeitzei, we find Lavan chasing down Yaakov. God could easily have prevented such a meeting in any number …
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Author: Chana Kaiman, LCSW

November 23rd, 2014

TORAH’S TAKE ON ANXIETY: "Can you relate to feeling overwhelmed with endless to do lists, unfinished projects, feeling divided between multiple tasks and just when things are going well worrying that it will all fall apart?" Living in a competitive society filled with daily stress and expectations, compounded with the many demands of community, family and social pressures all result in quiet desperation. Thanks to our natural and unive …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 18th, 2014

Dealing with Difficulties - Parshat Toldot In order to learn how to deal with difficulties in our lives we often turn to our forefathers for guidance. Rivka at the beginning of this week's parsha, Parshat Toldot, finds herself suffering through a difficult pregnancy. The suffering is so great that she turns towards God for answers. The answer was that there was a rational explanation for the difficulty in her pregnancy. She was to have twins.1 Th …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, Chaya Feuerman, LCSW-R

November 16th, 2014

You see a disheveled person asking for tzedakka: Is he an alcoholic or drug addict, or just a person down on his luck and in need of a helping hand? Your friend asks you to help him find a job, but to tell the truth, you don’t think your friend is responsible or reliable. Do you offer assistance blindly or do you candidly tell him why you think he doesn’t have the right attitude for successful employment? A young woman whom you k …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 12th, 2014

Unglorious Kindness - Parshat Chayei Sara Good-deed-doers often go unnoticed. In the classic movie, Wizard of Oz, the Wizard speaks to the Tin Man of many good-deed-doers. Some get recognized for their work and are thanked privately and sometimes even publicly. Yet even those who may not get testimonials for their works, their deeds are no less important nor less appreciated by the recipient of their kindness. The beginning of this week's parsha, …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

November 10th, 2014

Note: This was published in the monthly ask-the-therapist column of Jewish Echo Magazine Dear Mindy Thank you for your wonderful and insightful columns. My question is as follows. I don't get along with my mother in law and would prefer to not speak with her unless I must I.e. at a simcha.(I guess the easiest way to describe it is - I'm from Mars and she is from Venus )  I do also understand that she is the grandmother of my children an …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 7th, 2014

Living with Contradictions - Parshat Vayeira One of the more difficult challenges in life is being presented with two diametrically opposed choices - a choice so complicated that no matter what you choose, you would have to compromise a dearly-held value. On a very basic level we are not talking about choosing between chocolate brownie ice cream or a milkshake - that may be a deep dilemma though certainly not contradictory choices. We are talking …
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Author: Dr. Batya L. Ludman

November 4th, 2014

Life seemed easier when we were growing up and in a less fast paced world, children had a chance to play and be children. How then in the year 2014, with all that is going on around us, do you raise your children to be resilient? Resilience, the ability to roll with the punches, to experience life's challenges and not just bounce back but  thrive, is critical for all of us, individually and collectively as a community. This is especially so …
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Author: Sara Teichman, Psy.D.

November 4th, 2014

Kids today! They are carpooled to school, have their own rooms [well, maybe with one sib], and their own personal lawyers [us!] to help them deal with any issue at school. How different this is from our childhood where we walked to school, shared a room with three siblings, and had to deal with the teachers all by ourselves. Though we may laughingly concede that our children ‘have it too good’ and we certainly have no wish for them to …
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Author: Rabbi Ariel Greenberg MA

October 30th, 2014

  The steps of recovery from an abusive marriage to a caring marriage D I R E C T I O N D-Detach I –Individuate R- Reach out E- Equalize C-Calm T-Trust others I-Intend consciously to connect to others, make the choice O-open up to others N-Nosei B’ol- taking responsibility for another person 1-you can’t get anywhere else if you don’t leave where you are. You may have already technically separated or divorced, but you …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

October 29th, 2014

When researchers investigated why some children turn out happier, healthier and more successful, and had stronger relationships with their parents, 10 parental competencies emerged. We’ve been exploring them over the past few weeks, working our way up from number ten to number one. To recap, competency number ten is keeping your children safe, number nine is religious participation and support, and number eight is modeling a healthy lifesty …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

October 29th, 2014

  Researchers have defined ”successful parenting” as parenting that results in children who have a strong bond with their parents, and are happy, healthy, and successful. They studied parents and found what they call the 10 competencies that successful parents display. They used the term “competencies” rather than techniques or methods of parenting. I think that’s very informative because it describes who you ar …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 29th, 2014

Go Forth Inwards - Parshat  Lech Lecha Knowing where we are going is usually a good idea when we start any journey - whether we are going to work, on a vacation or to a family gathering. It is, therefore, surprising that when God says to Avraham at the beginning of Parshat Lech Lecha, "go forth", he seems to start by not telling him where he is going but rather what he is leaving. "Go forth from your land, from your birthplace and from your …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 24th, 2014

  Survivor Syndrome and Us - Parshat Noach We have often heard of post-flood Noah suffering from what has become popularly known as the survivor syndrome. Simply put, someone who survived a traumatic event while those around him didn't is often filled with guilt over having survived while others didn't, or a belief that he was not worthy of surviving, or shock and anger about the traumatic event or other reactions. Usually the traumatic even …
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