Author: Chanarachel Frumin, Marital and family counselor

August 12th, 2015

There is an idea that thinking positive is the absence of reality, ignoring what is wrong in the world. This idea views thinking optimistically  as either a lie or foolish; as if  there is always something wrong and always something missing in life. This perspective suggests that an honest person is always in touch with negative information about what needs to be changed and/or improved.     There is another perspective t …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 11th, 2015

The concept of reward and punishment is an old one and is found in every culture in the world. If we work for others then we expect a paycheck on a regular basis. As children we are often taught that you get a reward for doing something right. Is this, however, how we wish to lead our lives? Do something because of what it brings us? This week's parsha, Parshat Re'eh, offers an interesting twist. Moshe starts off saying that he is offering the pe …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

August 5th, 2015

In last week’s article, I posed the following question: How do you learn to behave differently when you habitually do something you know isn’t your best? I explained that two of the ways to approach this are behavioral and psychodynamic.  A behavioral approach is based on the assumption that we are creatures of habit.  When we do the same thing or say the same thing many times, it becomes a habit, a pattern of behavior that …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

August 4th, 2015

Last summer, the July column in Jewish Echo Magazine, answering the concerns of a man whose wife wanted to go to the bungalow, garnered a passionate response from readers. Here is my response, a little belated, concise, but addressing the salient points. You can refer to the blog article To the Catskills for the Summer: A Marital Dispute and the comments posted   It's not for nothing that there's an old joke that where there are tw …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

August 3rd, 2015

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY LINKS, AN ORGANIZATION DEDICATED TO SUPPORTINGCHILDREN AND TEENS                     WHOSE PARENT(S) HAS DIED I went to camp because I loved sports. Everything else seemed silly to me.
And I wonder now how idiotic camp seems to a girl whose parent has just died. And she watches from a place far away how her fellow campers can get all excited abo …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 31st, 2015

Honoring Parents - Not Just for Little Kids - Parshat Vaetchanan We are taught as little kids in almost every culture in the world to listen to parents and honor them. As little kids, we think we have done the biggest thing in the world if we play quietly while they are sleeping. As we are growing older, so are our parents. At times, they may become ill and the necessity of caring for them often falls on the shoulders of the children. How do we …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

July 29th, 2015

The imposing marble walls compound your feeling of nervousness as you pace up and down the halls, waiting your turn to plead your case. True, it is only $200 speeding ticket that you have come to contest, but the atmosphere is fraught with tension. A young fellow rushing down the hall lands squarely on your toe, and to his mumbled “excuse me,” you respond vehemently, “why don’t you watch where you’re going?” &l …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 23rd, 2015

Right Way to Discipline - Parshat  Devarim Disciplining our children is one of the greater challenges we have as parents. What is the right way? What is the wrong way? What should we aim for? What should we avoid at any cost? There are biblical pronouncements: "Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them"1 which has been popularized and loosely translated as "spare the rod s …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

July 15th, 2015

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE I find lessons in the oddest places. Just the other day, sitting in a workshop geared for mental health professionals, I learned that if the wrong conjunction lands up in a sentence, a judge could condemn a man to death. Yep. Death by conjunction***. A conjunction, for those of you like me, who cut grammar class and have only a vague recollection of the word, is the sum total of eig …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 15th, 2015

Do we Really Need to Control our Anger? Parshat Mattos-Masei One of the most talked about attributes that we have as humans is that of anger. It is usually presented in a negative light. It is something we need to manage. Courts have sent people to anger management workshops. There was even a movie and afterwards a TV series called Anger Management. It is human to be angry. It is part of human nature. So what is so bad about it? Is it so bad? Can …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 8th, 2015

Relay Races - Parshat Pinchas One of the more exciting track&field competitions is the relay race. It depends on individual as well as team effort. There is a common goal and everyone is pulling for that goal. Each leg of the race is important to the individual as well as the team. The passing of the baton must be precise and coordinated or else the team loses precious time and energy. The passing of leadership as well needs to be timely …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

July 8th, 2015

How can I get my children to do things without having to ask them so many times? How can I get them to do things more quickly? Even when they do what I ask, it seems to take them much longer than necessary. Can you give me some methods that are easy to remember and work quickly? Just the other day, a mom asked me, “What do you think of making natural consequences happen faster?” Aside from the fact that that sounds a bit unnatural, I …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

July 8th, 2015

I can’t understand how my husband is able to sleep. It’s nearly 1 o’clock in the morning. I told Esther to be home by 11:45. I know when I press the redial and call her cell phone again, that it’s going to go straight into voicemail. But I can’t stop myself, I keep hoping, praying that she’ll answer the phone. I don’t know what hurts more, that Esther defies me or that my husband doesn’t care. How c …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

July 5th, 2015

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE'S COLUMN A SNEAK PEEK INSIDE AS A RESPONSE TO AN OUTPOURING OF LETTERS GENERATED BY THE PREVIOUS ARTICLE BOUND TO HAVE BOUNDARIES (ALSO ON MY BLOG)  If I would have known what an outpouring of mail and phone calls my article Bound to Have Boundaries would generate, I would have hired a secretary! Instead, I read through all the mail on my own, took careful notes, and now write t …
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Author: Evan Steele

July 5th, 2015

A highly popular notion in the field of psychotherapy purports that any professional psychotherapist should be him or herself in psychotherapy, either presently or in the past. Indeed, the notion that "the more the better" is often invoked to suggest that therapists should themselves be in near constant treatment.  With all due respect to my colleagues in the field, I vehemently disagree. To begin, the argument is often made that engaging is …
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Author: Evan Steele

July 5th, 2015

As the young wife sat in my office with her husband, having come to me for couples’ counseling, I could see that I wasn’t reaching her.  I was speaking English, but it might have well been Chinese.  We were in the same room, but on different planets.  Yet, on paper, we had the basis for a perfectly good therapeutic connection.  We were both Orthodox Jews.  She and her husband were coming for psychotherapy, whi …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 1st, 2015

Take Advantage of Yourself - Parshat Balak  How terrible it is to see naturally talented people not use their talents. Or even to see others not use whatever talents they do have. There was an ad running starting in the 1970's for the United Negro College Fund: "A mind is a terrible thing to waste." How true. It is even sadder and more painful to see someone use their talents to try to hurt others. In this week's parsha, Parshat Balak, we ac …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

June 29th, 2015

NOTE: THIS COLUMN WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN JEWISH ECHO MAGAZINE'S ASK THE THERAPIST  QUESTION: I am the parent of a young married couple who is learning in kollel. We send generous support to the couple every month .Recently, my son told me that he needs more money in order to make ends meet. My wife and I both know that it's because his wife overspends on unnecessary luxuries. On one hand I don't want my son to go into debt, yet on the …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 24th, 2015

Can Death be Understood? - Parshat  Chukkat Understanding death is one of the mightiest struggles we encounter throughout our lives. Yet few, if any, actually attain a grasp on what it is. How do we react? Some extremists deny its existence, others have belief systems which explain that it's a part of something greater but, on a day-to-day basis, most of us simply choose to ignore it. The concept is so complex and so threatening that it is j …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

June 22nd, 2015

  NOTE: THIS WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN "A SNEAK PEEK INSIDE," AN ONGOING COLUMN IN BINAH MAGAZINE Our community is a marvelous place to raise children. Within a radius of twenty or so blocks, they are located near their grandparents, cousins, schools, shuls, and assorted Uvos U’Banim events they choose to attend. They are enveloped in the security of their close contact with their principals and teachers whom they meet in shul, on th …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 17th, 2015

The Beauty (and Ugliness) of Conflict - Parshat Korach Conflict may have gotten a bum rap. There is a lot to be said for conflict but on the whole it is viewed as negative, something to avoid. People who get into conflicts are often considered trouble-makers. So what may be the positive side of conflict? In fact, this week's parsha, Parshat Korach, discusses one of the most famous conflicts in the Torah. Korach, unhappy with the appointment of a …
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Author: Avrohom Weiss, MA MFT

May 29th, 2015

Have you ever felt that too much time is spent lecturing our children?   We guide them, lead them, and at times, discipline them. We do this, presumably,  with the hope that our children will grow to become self empowered, self aware, and productive members of society. The job is often all encompassing and exhausting.   As adults we know that lecturing of any kind can be tedious and over bearing. Yet, our parenting is often compris …
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Author: Avrohom Weiss, MA MFT

May 15th, 2015

Occasionally an idea blossoms and resonates with such meaning and significance it is impossible to ignore. When encountering such bursts of inspiration, one cannot help but be inspired to share. Such is my reaction after reading a recent article by Andrea Ovans, the senior editor of the Harvard Business Review, on the topic of Emotional Intelligence and its prominence as a central common denominator in successful leaders. Ovans states: Corporate …
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Author: Avrohom Weiss, MA MFT

May 8th, 2015

Few scenes so inspire the heart and mind as those of a young bride and groom whom, to the soft strains of haunting melody, ascend to the marriage canopy and launch  themselves to a new and hopeful tomorrow. 

Looking into the eyes of the young bride and groom- and those of their parents as they hand their child off a new world of togetherness, is something I find mesmerizing. Either luminously large, or clenched shut in silent …
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Author: Avrohom Weiss, MA MFT

May 1st, 2015

In last week’s article I wrote about the pivotal balance between raising happy children in a competitive world and the importance of instilling a recognition of the importance of exercising self control.   I would like to focus now on one crucial idea that I believe is the very foundation stone upon which all successful parenting is predicated upon. When contemplating the following, we as parents will stand a great chance at inculcatin …
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Author: Avrohom Weiss, MA MFT

April 24th, 2015

Trying to raise happy children in this day and age has become a hot topic. Parents spend an inordinate amount of time dedicated towards making their children happy. From their youngest ages, we introduce our children to pastimes and activities hoping they will serve them with satisfying doses of self content.   Caring parents extend themselves, exhaust themselves, and sometimes impoverish themselves spending beyond their means to insure that …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 9th, 2015

Standing up to Peer Pressure - Parshat Shelach One of the most difficult challenges throughout a person's life is that of peer pressure. It is important to toe the line in some cases (op. cit. blog of Parshat Naso). Yet it is sometimes important to stand for what we believe despite pressure to conform. Knowing where the difference is between the two is quite a challenge. How can we make that differentiation? In the story of the scouts in thi …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

June 7th, 2015

NOTE: THIS COLUMN WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH'S THERAPY: A SNEAK PEEK INSIDE Listen to me. You may find yourself in this scenario. For months you have been miserable. Maybe years. You have spoken to friends, confided in mentors, consulted with rabbis, and vented to sisters. And you just couldn't seem to feel better. So you let your husband, your friend, your rav, even your own dear self, convince yourself to try therapy. And you do. And, …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

June 7th, 2015

One of the most common emotions experienced by children is hatred. Children feel hatred when they are blocked from something they want and when someone takes something away from them. When five year old Moshie builds a house out of his connecting blocks and three year old Malka kicks it until it is flattened, Moshie feels hatred towards his sister. When their mother picks up the eight month old to nurse him, both Moshie and Malka hate him for tak …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 2nd, 2015

Humility is a Good Thing - Parshat Behaalotecha  One of the most maligned of human attributes is that of humility. It has become synonymous with being viewed as a doormat at best, ridiculed at worst. People have told me: "Would you want a political or community leader to be huuumbbble?" stretching out the word as if saying it with disgust or even disdain, almost as if it were a disease. In addition, there is an old adage which says that onc …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

May 25th, 2015

“How was school today?” “Fine.” “What did you do there today?” “Nothing.” Does that conversation sound familiar? It does to me. Many parents tell me that their conversations with their children about their day in school go just like that every day. Of course, these parents don’t take that answer literally. It isn’t possible for a sentient human being to spend that many consecutive hours …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 25th, 2015

Maintaining Your Identity in a Group - Parshat Naso One of the most difficult issues we deal with is in a social setting is knowing when to subjugate ourselves to the rule of the majority and when to assert ourselves. When do we become a part of the herd and when do we color ourselves differently? During the celebration of the consecration of the tabernacle in the desert, there is an unusual donation that is described in this week's Torah portion …
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Author: Dr. Raymond Nourmand

May 22nd, 2015

    Love is a powerful concept we are all drawn to. It makes us belong and feel whole, it gives us the sense we are complete, and have everything we need. When in a state of love, everything seems beautiful because deep down we are seeing ourselves as beautiful. As creatures of projections, the truth is that what we see in others is not merely a reflection of them, but also a glimpse into us. We see in others what we see in ourselv …
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Author: Dr. Raymond Nourmand

May 22nd, 2015

    We live in a society that places a high premium on what others think. Our culture encourages us to spend our time, effort, and resources focusing on other people, what they want of us, and what we can do to get them to like us. The desire to win other people’s approval, validation, and favor has been a part of the human condition since the beginning of time. It’s in our nature to want to be liked by others. Feeling …
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Author: Dr. Raymond Nourmand

May 22nd, 2015

    Often we're told being selfish is bad. It’s disrespectful, shameful, and wrong. But we are all selfish. Every one of us. We act to serve ourselves. We eat what tastes good to us, befriend those who understand us, and do what brings happiness to us.       However, true selfishness takes courage. Being honest about who you are, what you want, and what you are willing to do to get it are important aspects …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 20th, 2015

Your Legacy - Parshat Bamidbar We often hear talk about legacies. A politician's legacy. A parent's legacy. Our legacy. What is a legacy? What do we leave behind for the next generation? How do we decide that? The concept of legacy is addressed in this week's parsha - Parshat Bamidbar. In a relatively innocent statement the Torah takes a census of the people and talks about the family of Moshe as well.1 Yet, when detailing the family members …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

May 18th, 2015

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN LINKS, A MAGAZINE GEARED TO TEENS WHOSE PARENT(S) HAS DIED    I’m back. I have some more stuff to tell you. And you may not want to listen, and that’s okay. My kids often don’t listen to me, either. Except that they secretly are, when they think I don’t see. So maybe you can pretend not to listen; or, when you think I am not looking, you can read this article. Becaus …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

May 18th, 2015

When I was five years old I would ride my sled down this mountain in the park on Mosholu Parkway. When I was eleven I would go careening down this huge hill on Franklin Street in Yonkers on my bike. It’s really interesting to see how much of the topography has changed over these many decades since then. My wife and I live in Brooklyn now, but we occasionally visit the alter heim (the old country) and those slopes have leveled off considerab …
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Author: Lea Koplowitz, LCSW-R

May 19th, 2015

The powerful and novel experience of Emotionally Focused Group Therapy (EFGT) has demonstrated itself to be the innovative and effective therapeutic tool.  Amazingly, EFGT reduces the time and cost of therapy and offers greater satisfaction in relationships with others, improved self-perception and self-esteem, and the ability to lead a happier more meaningful life. EFGT is a rich group therapy ex …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

May 12th, 2015

You walk in to my office for the first time. It is an interview, for both of us, and we both don’t want to fail. There is much you learn about me although I reveal nothing verbally. My office is simple. Four walls. A chair. A couch. A lamp. My books line the shelves. They tell the story of what interests me, theories and philosophies that inform my orientation and work. My diplomas and certificates are framed, hanging quietly on the wall. Y …
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