Author: Frummarriage.com

July 31st, 2014

Dating Smart LisaTwerski,LCSW July 27th, 2014 Did you ever wonder why the difficulty of putting a shidduch together is compared to the difficulty of splitting the red sea apart? Why do we use a comparison of splitting when talking about putting together? There may be several reasons. But, consider this: isn’t finding the right one, also about staying apart from the ones that aren’t right?   Although, as we know, everything that …
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Author: Lisa Twerski, LCSW

July 27th, 2014

There is a story in the Gemara (Shabbos 31a) of a man who tells Hillel that he will convert if Hillel can teach him the entire Torah while he, the prospective convert, stands on one foot. Hillel agrees, telling him, “De’alach sanei, lechavrach la sa’avid – That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow.” “This,” Hillel went on to say, “is the e …
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Author: Lisa Twerski, LCSW

July 27th, 2014

Differentiating Between Dysfunction, Disorders and Domestic AbuseIt can be very confusing to people who feel abused in their marriage, to try and determine if the cause is a dysfunctional relationship that may have some abusive features, a spouse with a mental illness or domestic abuse. In fact, some of the abusive ways one may be treated by their spouse, may be similar from situation to situation. …
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Author: Lisa Twerski, LCSW

July 27th, 2014

Did you ever wonder why the difficulty of putting  a shidduch together is compared to the difficulty of splitting the red sea apart? Why do we use a comparison of splitting when talking about putting together? There may be several reasons. But, consider this: isn’t finding the right one, also about staying apart from the ones that aren’t right? Although, as we know, everything that has already happened has happened for a reason, …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

July 25th, 2014

Note: Previously published in the Ask-the-Therapist column of the Jewish Echo Magazine July 2014 Thank you for the great advice you give in your Ask-the-Therapist columns. My question is as follows: We have never gone to the Catskills for the summer as there was always that cost factor. My wife really wants to go this year as many friends are there and she feels it would be great for the children. I’m concerned about the cost and being bore …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

July 21st, 2014

I taught Ariella how to empathize with her two year old son. She said she would try to imagine how much a couple of minutes of play means to him, and weigh it against how important it was to her to bring him somewhere right away, depriving him of those minutes of play. It was really thoughtful of Ariella to let me know what happened.   I have to tell you that since I began waiting for the extra five minutes or telling him he could go on the …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

July 21st, 2014

What‘s the difference between a judge and a leader? What are the qualifying criteria for judges and for leaders? Which role is more appropriate for you as a parent to play in the life of your child, the role of judge or the role of leader? What does any of this have to do with an article about empathy?   Let’s answer the questions in the order in which we asked them:   What‘s the difference between a judge and a leader …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

July 21st, 2014

I want to let you know that I tried some of the things you suggested. One of them was what you said about, “don’t get him to do something, help him to do something.” I have found that we get a lot more done when I work with him instead of telling him what to do and trying to get him to do it. Another thing you told me that’s been really helpful was to think about letting him play with something for five more minutes when I …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

July 15th, 2014

This article will only be available in my upcoming book with Menucha publishers in March 2026, tentatively called The Hillel Series. Look out for it then on Amazon and in Judaica bookstores! …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

July 10th, 2014

  We meet, you and I.
We shmooze, you and I.
We meet at weddings, at bar-mitzvahs, at the exercise class, and at Chinese auctions. We meet around the pool and at lectures; at the Tehillim group and at our shidduch meetings. We meet socially or we meet at professional conferences. We meet when we are involved in our children's PTA and we meet when we are involved in chessed projects together. And whenever—or wherever we meet …
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Author: Joel S. Rosenshein Ph.D.

July 2nd, 2014

A parent needs to be very aware of the maturation levels of children in general and certainly of their own child's maturation. The milestones of development within the first three years of life are key reminders to parents of how their child is developing.   This should include sitting up, beginning to crawl, walking, talking and of course relating to their environment in a positive way. Before seeing a therapist about these issues, a parent …
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Author: Tzudek Stern LMHC, SpEd

July 2nd, 2014

Children do not come with instruction manuals, but there is a time in every parents’ experience when they wish they did. Most parents can truthfully state that there was something about parenting that was surprising, confusing, befuddling, or all of the above. One of those times can be when children exhibit emotional or behavioral problems. When is a problem behavior so extreme that parents should seek help? When are a child’s tantrum …
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Author: Ellen Cornfeld

July 1st, 2014

Few things are more painful for parents than watching their child grapple with their relationship with food. Sometimes it is a slight nuance noticed- a sudden ‘dislike’ for a certain food, or the disappearance of a cake. All seem to have what appear to be reasonable explanations …..”Oh, it gives me a stomach ache,” or,”I’m really trying to eat healthy now-that’s not good for you.”   What …
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Author: Moshe Norman, MSW, LSW

July 1st, 2014

Your seven-year-old son, Shaya, is so embarrassing. He approaches adults and asks personal questions that seem inappropriate. He seems to have no sense of shame, and little interest in conforming to social norms. You cringe at the thought of taking him to family affairs and public events, where you never know what kind of catastrophe might transpire. And when you broach the topic, he easily dismisses it and hardly makes eye contact. You have alre …
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Author: Moshe Norman, LCSW

June 23rd, 2014

Consequences Part II In today’s day and age, we hear lots about positive parenting. Since a positive approach is important component to raising healthy children, some parents have become confused as to when it is appropriate to impose parental authority. Consequences teach children to make good choices and help them to become responsible for their actions. Conversely, punishment for negative behaviors does not provide a child with a heal …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

June 22nd, 2014

It’s that time of the year again. School has ended, camp hasn’t begun, and parents don’t have as much time off as their children do. What are some good suggestions for activities that your children may enjoy when they come over to you and say, “I have nothing to do!”   I remember some of the things I suggested to our children when they were little.   You could mow the lawn, you could pull the weeds, you cou …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

June 11th, 2014

There are three common reasons for saying no to your child.   One, he wants to do something you deem unsafe. Two, he wants to do something you consider unhealthy. Three, he wants to do something you think is unnecessary.   Once you’ve said no, how often do you change your mind? If you never change your mind if there is a safety or health concern, why do you ever change your mind about anything you said no to?  I never change …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

June 8th, 2014

Note: This question and the following article was originally published in the Ask-the-Therapist column of Jewish Echo Magazine Question:   My son is Bar Mitzvah age and doesn't seem to have interest in staying for all of davening or laining in shul. Often, he refuses to come to shul at all. He says he's tired or not feeling well, but then of course feels better after the Shabbos meal to play with his friends for two hours. Should I push him …
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Author: Rachel Lowinger, Ph.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist

June 2nd, 2014

Marriage is the biggest opportunity we have to achieve ultimate human connectedness and joy. However, it requires patience, perseverance and giving of our time and emotional resources. It’s surprising to think how our expectations of marriage are so different than how we approach other life goals such as career, schooling, or even dieting. Unlike other areas of life where we are prepared to work hard for our goals, in marriage we expect the …
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Author: Chana Kaiman, LCSW and Miriam Yerushalmi, MS

June 2nd, 2014

When two souls are united in marriage, it brings an unparalleled magical bond from which new life can evolve.  A deep emotional commitment is paired with spiritual advancement. The following are some psychological / spiritual pathways to develop a peaceful and harmonious home. In our overscheduled, stressed lives there are myriad demands upon couples which leave little opportunity for investing in the richness and passion betw …
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Author: Chanarachel Frumin

June 1st, 2014

We all know that Shalom Bayit is a dynamic state of communication, giving,receiving,and understanding and probably a whole lot more. But you have tried all that and there are still problems. Let's begin discussing communicating and see if there is ground we have not yet covered.  According to many therapies communication is the first step towards intimacy. It might seem far-fetched to think if intimacy s not joyful it could have something to …
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Author: Dovid Katzenstein, LCSW

June 1st, 2014

Here is a list of ideas about marriage that may or may not be relevant to you. They are not absolute and one can surely argue about the merits or limitations of each. Still, it can be helpful to look these over every once in a while to renew your perspective and motivate you to work to improve your marriages.   -Be your own person. Though you are married and life-partners, remember that you and your wife are still two separate people who nee …
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Author: Naomi Sternberg, M.S., L.C.M.F.T.

June 1st, 2014

It would be outstanding if it would be so simple to improve one’s marriage just by itemizing “10 do it yourself fix it solutions”. However, based on my experiences with couples, I have seen some common threads that can be utilized to help any marriage gain a positive momentum assuming that the spouses are not suffering from severe mental and or personality disorders. That is a different venue altogether. Couples have a tendency …
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Author: Lisa Twerski, LCSW

May 28th, 2014

There’s a core reason that most people go to therapy – to feel better. Whether it’s an addict who has hit rock bottom, someone who is suffering from anxiety or depression, a couple who feels miserable with their marriage (or their spouse), or any of the other reasons someone might seek out a therapist – they all have that same basic goal in mind. As was mentioned in past editions of this publication, people encounter probl …
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Author: Dr. Sara Teichman, PsyD

May 28th, 2014

Most children who are brought to therapy have typical run-of-the-mill issues like low self-esteem or poor peer relations. Sometimes, however, parents bring in a really difficult, out-of-control child who is what we used to call a “problem child.” This child may be angry, moody, aggressive and undisciplined. He has difficulty learning and is unmanageable in school. Often the parents are at the end of their rope, having exhausted their …
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Author: Sararivka Liberman, LCSW

May 28th, 2014

Once known as “the common cold of mental illness,” depression has been recognized throughout history. Dovid was summoned to the court of Shaul to alleviate the king’s depression with music. The Rambam, himself a physician, provides an explicit treatment for depression. In his writings, Rav Nachman of Bratzlav offers support and encouragement to anyone suffering from the low self-esteem – “falling in one’s own e …
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Author: Sara Pinkesz, MHC, CASAC-T

May 28th, 2014

Chavy looks at her son with frustration. He has just told her that he is sick of yeshivah and wants to go to work. She wonders, why can't he just be a “normal yeshiva boy”? Where did she go wrong? Why wasn't she capable of passing on her beliefs to her own son? Chaim argues with his daughter who doesn't want to go to seminary. She feels that it's a waste of time since she's not planning to teach. She wants to work, make some money, an …
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Author: Hannah Rozenblat

May 28th, 2014

The question of how to parent one's children once they have grown up is a much-discussed topic in our community. Naturally, parents' concern for their children does not stop once the children become legal adults, and if anything, increases when parents feel they are losing control over the child's life. After investing so much effort into their children all these years, it is difficult for parents to take a step back and allow these new adults to …
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Author: Esther Fuchs, LCSW

May 28th, 2014

We are living in difficult and turbulent times. Never in history has it been harder or more challenging to raise children. As a result, parents of even physically and emotionally healthy children are constantly seeking guidance. Seeing and reading how much can go wrong, parents understand that they need to set the right environment in their home. They want to know what kind of soil to cultivate to raise children as happy and successful human bein …
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Author: Dr. Pamela P. Siller, MD

May 28th, 2014

I do not have OCD. I just need to work on my middos... Many people are familiar with the publicized symptoms of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). These stereotyped symptoms generally include excessive hand washing and turning lights on and off multiple times. Although this is correct, these are not the only ways that OCD can manifest itself. Bracha entered into my office reluctantly, stating that she came because she needed to work on her midd …
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Author: Chana Kaiman, LCSW and Miriam Yerushalmi, MS

May 28th, 2014

The quality of our closest relationships profoundly affects how we feel about ourselves. Our relationships have real and measurable consequences on our lives and those around us. The way we communicate both verbally and non-verbally affects the emotional, cognitive and physical development of our children, as well as our physical and mental health. Child-rearing is complex. Any parent can attest to the many rewards and equally distressing moments …
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Author: Dvorah Levy, LCSW

May 28th, 2014

Ideally, for a couple to work on their marriage, it is best to have both partners come in to therapy. Unfortunately though, that doesn’t always happen. Many times one spouse cannot convince his/her partner to join him/her, and that’s when one partner ends up in my office alone. What happens then? Can couple therapy actually work with just one partner? Sara felt very criticized by her husband. He tended to point out the very thing that …
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Author: Mark Staum, LCSW

May 28th, 2014

Consider the following exchange between Jack and his mother: Jack: I would really like to go to Brian’s house for a sleepover. A few other kids in the class will be going as well. Mother: Well, I don’t really like Brian so much. I don’t like it when you guys are together! Jack: Why, what are you talking about? He is a really good friend of mine! Mother: It doesn’t matter, you are just not going! In the above example, we s …
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Author: Audrey Grazi, LCSW

May 28th, 2014

As a graduate social work student in 2008, my vision for helping people was exhilarating and somewhat idealistic. My favorite part of the school semester was going to the NYU bookstore to purchase the required books for my classes and browse through some of the other sections to see what the future would bring for the other courses that would be coming my way. I didn’t know what to expect from the group therapy course I was about to begin, …
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Author: Marlene Greenspan, MA, LPC

May 28th, 2014

Death, at any age, means painful finality. Whether the deceased was a friend, spouse, sibling, parent or child, the loss of this dear person is permanent and the ones left behind feel abandoned and alone. There is no further opportunity to share thoughts, experiences, ideas and apologies. No further opportunity to be companions along the way. The loved person is here no longer and that conclusiveness is all-encompassing. This realization of final …
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Author: Joel Verstaendig, PhD

May 28th, 2014

“Don’t trust anyone over 30!” This was one of the battle cries of the “Baby Boomer” generation during the 1960’s. It is sobering to realize that these same people have reached or will soon reach the age of retirement. While the media is saturated with information and recommendations for the baby boomers regarding the need for an adequate retirement income, little or no thought is given to the emotional needs an …
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Author: Allan J. Katz LPC/CSAT

May 26th, 2014

I know people who have killed themselves over sex and internet addiction, been put in jail, and contracted all types of horrible diseases. This is a progressive disease. Once the images are no longer exciting enough, people go on to more dangerous; thrill seeking activities like participating with live people instead of simply looking.   If you don't stop now, you're headed for hell on earth. Marriage will not solve this. So many single …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

May 20th, 2014

It’s hard to believe it was that long ago. I recall that it was a very pleasant day in May of 1978. A mom came to me concerned about her daughter who was very frightened of a monster in her room when she went to bed at night. The mom told me that she would go into her daughter’s room, turn on the light, and look under the bed together with her daughter to reassure her that there was no monster there. But it wouldn’t take very lo …
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Author: Rabbi Ariel Greenberg MA

May 18th, 2014

Divorce is a loss that needs to be mourned The mourning over divorce is much different than all other kinds of mourning. When a person loses a relative , he has lost someone close to his/her heart , that literally had  ‘supported’ their heart, their emotions, till this day. The mourner loses that outside support, and hopefully will regain that from those who come to comfort. A divorcee didn’t lose someone close to their hea …
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Author: Rabbi Ariel Greenberg MA

May 18th, 2014

סכום מסוגיית החזקת הילדים לאחר גירושין(אבה"×¢ סי פב) ומתוכו כמה הערות שלמדתי בענין חינוך הילדים   הנה הפשטות הוא שאחר הגירושין,כל הילדים – בנים ובנות,ישהו ברשות האב,שהרי הילדים  ×ž×ª×™×—סים אליו. וזה לשון הרדב"ז (שו"ת חלק א' סימן ש"ס) "שהרי למשפחותם × …
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