Author: Shmuel Brodsky, Psy.D.

August 19th, 2014

During the holidays, congregants increasingly seek out the counsel of their rabbis. The holidays are a time when many people feel genuinely inspired to make a special effort to be extra observant. It is also a time when people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) are most likely to knock on the rabbi's door. How rabbis respond can make all the difference in whether religious OCD sufferers seek professional help, and in some cases, it can be a …
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Author: Chana Kaiman, LCSW and Miriam Yerushalmi, MS

August 19th, 2014

How often does your day start out inspired, renewed, full of energy and promise, only to be thwarted by a mishap, negative encounter, rude comment, disappointment or humiliation? “That just ruined my day,” we often say. “I can’t stop thinking about that awful comment.” Or: “You expect me to be happy after this horrible thing happened?” And the negative mood trap continues, disabling the spirit and the min …
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Author: Dr. Michael Salamon

August 19th, 2014

We have all seen the frightening and disturbing images from Israel of children huddling with their parents on the ground, in the street, hiding in safe rooms or bomb shelters as rockets fired from Gaza attempt to harm Israeli citizens. We have seen the videos of groups of children, perhaps five- or six-year-olds, singing a song designed to soothe them, a song about seeking safety when the warning sirens sound as they rush with their teachers to a …
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Author: Shuli Sandler, Psy.D.

August 19th, 2014

Recently, I met with a lovely middle-aged man in my office. His calm demeanor and mellow style made him quite likable and easy to get along with. When he described a childhood with a chronic history of aggressive outbursts, I was surprised. He disclosed, somewhat shamefully, an incident where he had lashed out at a classmate out of rage and frustration when he was being teased, and ended up physically hitting and punching the child. Even now, man …
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Author: Frummarriage.com

August 17th, 2014

Shame and Its Damaging Effects by Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R and Chaya Feuerman, LCSW-R Printed Originally for the Jewish Press   Shame is an excruciating and agonizing emotion. When a person feels shame, he feels completely worthless and small, almost as if he has no right to exist. Shame is a powerful process that is hardwired into our system, and makes us humans sociable and responsive to the standards of our community. We have an over …
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Author: Frummarriage.com

August 17th, 2014

The Dangers of Misdirected Piety Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R (Re-printed from the Jewish Press) The man in my office was beside himself. He had been seeing me for the past few weeks and made significant strides in recovering from his porn addiction. His path was not easy, but nevertheless rewarding. He had to face brutal realizations about himself and re-order his life. Despite all the progress, he was in grave danger of backsliding because a r …
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Author: Frummarriage.com

August 17th, 2014

When Divorce Can Save a Marriage by Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW and Chaya Feuerman, LCSW   How is this for a riddle? How can divorce save a marriage? The answer has to do with how people think about divorce and marriage, and how ironically, their fear of divorce may actually prevent them from making progress and repairing their marriage. The FEAR of divorce leads people to avoid making constructive changes, having sober and mature dialogue a …
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Author: Frummarriage.com

August 17th, 2014

  Why Can’t We Stop Fighting? How Trauma Affects Relationships by Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW and Chaya Feuerman, LCSW Psychotherapists   Sruly and Shani have been fighting like cats and dogs for years. When they came to us, Shani said, “I know that we should discuss our disagreements in a respectful and calm manner, but somehow we can’t stop fighting.” Sruly told us, "We really do love each other, but when our …
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Author: Frummarriage.com

August 17th, 2014

Personality Disorders and Marriage by Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW and Chaya Feuerman, LCSW Psychotherapists   According to the soon-to-be-published DSM V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders), a personality disorder is defined by an impaired sense of self-identity or failure to develop effective interpersonal functioning. Personality Disorders and marital difficulties go hand in hand. This is because persons with Personal …
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Author: Frummarriage.com

August 17th, 2014

Niddah and Abandonment by Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW and Chaya Feuerman, LCSW Psychotherapists   While the niddah time can be seen as the Torah’s attempt to guide a married couple in how to expand their relationship and appreciation for each other beyond the physical, for some couples it can become an enormous and painful challenge. For various reasons, the very practices and rituals designed to enhance respect and intimacy and be exp …
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Author: Frummarriage.com

August 17th, 2014

Thirteen Distorted Beliefs that Sabotage Marital Harmony Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R and Chaya Feuerman, LCSW-R   One of Cognitive Behavior Therapy’s great contributions to the emotional health of mankind is its ability to identify the power of incorrect or maladaptive beliefs, and how they shape our feelings.  If a person can allow himself to question his thoughts and beliefs, and become less defensive and more objective about …
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Author: Frummarriage.com

August 17th, 2014

A Victim of Domestic Abuse or Just a Bad Marriage? Lisa Tweski, LCSW   Differentiating Between Dysfunction, Disorders and Domestic Abuse It can be very confusing to people who feel abused in their marriage, to try and determine if the cause is a dysfunctional relationship that may have some abusive features, a spouse with a mental illness or domestic abuse. In fact, some of the abusive ways one may be treated by their spouse, may be similar …
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Author: Frummarriage.com

August 17th, 2014

  A Painful Affront to Shalom Bayis An Article by Lisa Twerski, LCSW             There is a story in the Gemara (Shabbos 31a) of a man who tells Hillel that he will convert if Hillel can teach him the entire Torah while he, the prospective convert, stands on one foot. Hillel agrees, telling him, “De’alach sanei, lechavrach la sa’avid – That which is hateful to you …
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Author: Frummarriage.com

August 16th, 2014

In Cases of Domestic Abuse, Is Change Possible? Lisa G. Twerski, LCSW   Women who are victims of domestic abuse usually want to know one thing: How do I keep my marriage but end the abuse? Change is a complex process, and in the case of domestic abuse it relies heavily on including outsiders in your process. . For someone who has become isolated, the prospect may seem daunting. Here are some things to keep in mind: 1) Hoping for change is no …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

August 7th, 2014

NOTE: This was originally given as a workshop at a LINKS Shabbaton (catering to girls whose parent[s] is deceased) and written as an article in the quarterly LINKS Magazine             When I was a teenager, I was a really popular kid. Loads of friends, fresh mouth in school, leader at sports in camp. So you would think that my life was perfect. Hmm. Not really. Even though I had two parents, although it looked …
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August 6th, 2014

The stigma of mental illness is alive and well, and kicking....hard. Recently, an able-functioning client told me that when she tried to seek care for her mental health needs, the resource staff seemed almost afraid of her. It wasn't the first time she had experienced this. And sadly, it wasn't the first time I had heard it. In fact, many years ago, I personally saw the reticence (disdain?) in some of the professionals I met, as I attempted to ge …
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Author: Frummarriage.com

July 31st, 2014

Dating Smart LisaTwerski,LCSW July 27th, 2014 Did you ever wonder why the difficulty of putting a shidduch together is compared to the difficulty of splitting the red sea apart? Why do we use a comparison of splitting when talking about putting together? There may be several reasons. But, consider this: isn’t finding the right one, also about staying apart from the ones that aren’t right?   Although, as we know, everything that …
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Author: Lisa Twerski, LCSW

July 27th, 2014

There is a story in the Gemara (Shabbos 31a) of a man who tells Hillel that he will convert if Hillel can teach him the entire Torah while he, the prospective convert, stands on one foot. Hillel agrees, telling him, “De’alach sanei, lechavrach la sa’avid – That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow.” “This,” Hillel went on to say, “is the e …
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Author: Lisa Twerski, LCSW

July 27th, 2014

Differentiating Between Dysfunction, Disorders and Domestic AbuseIt can be very confusing to people who feel abused in their marriage, to try and determine if the cause is a dysfunctional relationship that may have some abusive features, a spouse with a mental illness or domestic abuse. In fact, some of the abusive ways one may be treated by their spouse, may be similar from situation to situation. …
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Author: Lisa Twerski, LCSW

July 27th, 2014

Did you ever wonder why the difficulty of putting  a shidduch together is compared to the difficulty of splitting the red sea apart? Why do we use a comparison of splitting when talking about putting together? There may be several reasons. But, consider this: isn’t finding the right one, also about staying apart from the ones that aren’t right? Although, as we know, everything that has already happened has happened for a reason, …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

July 25th, 2014

Note: Previously published in the Ask-the-Therapist column of the Jewish Echo Magazine July 2014 Thank you for the great advice you give in your Ask-the-Therapist columns. My question is as follows: We have never gone to the Catskills for the summer as there was always that cost factor. My wife really wants to go this year as many friends are there and she feels it would be great for the children. I’m concerned about the cost and being bore …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

July 21st, 2014

I taught Ariella how to empathize with her two year old son. She said she would try to imagine how much a couple of minutes of play means to him, and weigh it against how important it was to her to bring him somewhere right away, depriving him of those minutes of play. It was really thoughtful of Ariella to let me know what happened.   I have to tell you that since I began waiting for the extra five minutes or telling him he could go on the …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

July 21st, 2014

What‘s the difference between a judge and a leader? What are the qualifying criteria for judges and for leaders? Which role is more appropriate for you as a parent to play in the life of your child, the role of judge or the role of leader? What does any of this have to do with an article about empathy?   Let’s answer the questions in the order in which we asked them:   What‘s the difference between a judge and a leader …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

July 21st, 2014

I want to let you know that I tried some of the things you suggested. One of them was what you said about, “don’t get him to do something, help him to do something.” I have found that we get a lot more done when I work with him instead of telling him what to do and trying to get him to do it. Another thing you told me that’s been really helpful was to think about letting him play with something for five more minutes when I …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

July 15th, 2014

This article will only be available in my upcoming book with Menucha publishers in March 2026, tentatively called The Hillel Series. Look out for it then on Amazon and in Judaica bookstores! …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

July 10th, 2014

  We meet, you and I.
We shmooze, you and I.
We meet at weddings, at bar-mitzvahs, at the exercise class, and at Chinese auctions. We meet around the pool and at lectures; at the Tehillim group and at our shidduch meetings. We meet socially or we meet at professional conferences. We meet when we are involved in our children's PTA and we meet when we are involved in chessed projects together. And whenever—or wherever we meet …
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Author: Joel S. Rosenshein Ph.D.

July 2nd, 2014

A parent needs to be very aware of the maturation levels of children in general and certainly of their own child's maturation. The milestones of development within the first three years of life are key reminders to parents of how their child is developing.   This should include sitting up, beginning to crawl, walking, talking and of course relating to their environment in a positive way. Before seeing a therapist about these issues, a parent …
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Author: Tzudek Stern LMHC, SpEd

July 2nd, 2014

Children do not come with instruction manuals, but there is a time in every parents’ experience when they wish they did. Most parents can truthfully state that there was something about parenting that was surprising, confusing, befuddling, or all of the above. One of those times can be when children exhibit emotional or behavioral problems. When is a problem behavior so extreme that parents should seek help? When are a child’s tantrum …
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Author: Ellen Cornfeld

July 1st, 2014

Few things are more painful for parents than watching their child grapple with their relationship with food. Sometimes it is a slight nuance noticed- a sudden ‘dislike’ for a certain food, or the disappearance of a cake. All seem to have what appear to be reasonable explanations …..”Oh, it gives me a stomach ache,” or,”I’m really trying to eat healthy now-that’s not good for you.”   What …
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Author: Moshe Norman, MSW, LSW

July 1st, 2014

Your seven-year-old son, Shaya, is so embarrassing. He approaches adults and asks personal questions that seem inappropriate. He seems to have no sense of shame, and little interest in conforming to social norms. You cringe at the thought of taking him to family affairs and public events, where you never know what kind of catastrophe might transpire. And when you broach the topic, he easily dismisses it and hardly makes eye contact. You have alre …
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Author: Moshe Norman, LCSW

June 23rd, 2014

Consequences Part II In today’s day and age, we hear lots about positive parenting. Since a positive approach is important component to raising healthy children, some parents have become confused as to when it is appropriate to impose parental authority. Consequences teach children to make good choices and help them to become responsible for their actions. Conversely, punishment for negative behaviors does not provide a child with a heal …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

June 22nd, 2014

It’s that time of the year again. School has ended, camp hasn’t begun, and parents don’t have as much time off as their children do. What are some good suggestions for activities that your children may enjoy when they come over to you and say, “I have nothing to do!”   I remember some of the things I suggested to our children when they were little.   You could mow the lawn, you could pull the weeds, you cou …
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Author: Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

June 11th, 2014

There are three common reasons for saying no to your child.   One, he wants to do something you deem unsafe. Two, he wants to do something you consider unhealthy. Three, he wants to do something you think is unnecessary.   Once you’ve said no, how often do you change your mind? If you never change your mind if there is a safety or health concern, why do you ever change your mind about anything you said no to?  I never change …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, Individual and Couple Therapist

June 8th, 2014

Note: This question and the following article was originally published in the Ask-the-Therapist column of Jewish Echo Magazine Question:   My son is Bar Mitzvah age and doesn't seem to have interest in staying for all of davening or laining in shul. Often, he refuses to come to shul at all. He says he's tired or not feeling well, but then of course feels better after the Shabbos meal to play with his friends for two hours. Should I push him …
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Author: Rachel Lowinger, Ph.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist

June 2nd, 2014

Marriage is the biggest opportunity we have to achieve ultimate human connectedness and joy. However, it requires patience, perseverance and giving of our time and emotional resources. It’s surprising to think how our expectations of marriage are so different than how we approach other life goals such as career, schooling, or even dieting. Unlike other areas of life where we are prepared to work hard for our goals, in marriage we expect the …
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Author: Chana Kaiman, LCSW and Miriam Yerushalmi, MS

June 2nd, 2014

When two souls are united in marriage, it brings an unparalleled magical bond from which new life can evolve.  A deep emotional commitment is paired with spiritual advancement. The following are some psychological / spiritual pathways to develop a peaceful and harmonious home. In our overscheduled, stressed lives there are myriad demands upon couples which leave little opportunity for investing in the richness and passion betw …
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Author: Chanarachel Frumin

June 1st, 2014

We all know that Shalom Bayit is a dynamic state of communication, giving,receiving,and understanding and probably a whole lot more. But you have tried all that and there are still problems. Let's begin discussing communicating and see if there is ground we have not yet covered.  According to many therapies communication is the first step towards intimacy. It might seem far-fetched to think if intimacy s not joyful it could have something to …
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Author: Dovid Katzenstein, LCSW

June 1st, 2014

Here is a list of ideas about marriage that may or may not be relevant to you. They are not absolute and one can surely argue about the merits or limitations of each. Still, it can be helpful to look these over every once in a while to renew your perspective and motivate you to work to improve your marriages.   -Be your own person. Though you are married and life-partners, remember that you and your wife are still two separate people who nee …
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Author: Naomi Sternberg, M.S., L.C.M.F.T.

June 1st, 2014

It would be outstanding if it would be so simple to improve one’s marriage just by itemizing “10 do it yourself fix it solutions”. However, based on my experiences with couples, I have seen some common threads that can be utilized to help any marriage gain a positive momentum assuming that the spouses are not suffering from severe mental and or personality disorders. That is a different venue altogether. Couples have a tendency …
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Author: Lisa Twerski, LCSW

May 28th, 2014

There’s a core reason that most people go to therapy – to feel better. Whether it’s an addict who has hit rock bottom, someone who is suffering from anxiety or depression, a couple who feels miserable with their marriage (or their spouse), or any of the other reasons someone might seek out a therapist – they all have that same basic goal in mind. As was mentioned in past editions of this publication, people encounter probl …
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